I know this might sound strange, but since I joined 3FC a week ago, I've had this nagging feeling that I couldn't quite identify. Then today I noticed the statistics of someone where the goal weight would lead to a BMI in the 16's/17's. I realized that I struggle with the line between healthy weight loss and an eating disorder. For example, some people very closely monitor calories. Other people weigh themselves daily. I find it really confusing where this is just part of weight loss and where this becomes a problem. It seems like a slippery slope. I am all for getting healthy and achieving my goals, but I don't want to stop enjoying things in my life (like eating out with friends, having one of my mom's homecooked meals, etc). I know that the obvious answer is "everything in moderation." But where exactly do you draw the line between moderating your behavior and full out disordered eating? There's also just something about a forum that allows people to trade dieting tips, etc that makes me a bit nervous. Are we enabling each other to overvalue thinness?

I'm really curious to hear people's thoughts/opinions on the topic because I'm really not sure where I stand. Thanks!!!

Basically, I see nothing wrong with have a support forum. Losing weight is hard. When you are overweight it's healthy to lose weight. I've been told so by my doctor . It's nice to talk to people who understand and get the struggle. Friends and family don't always get it...they're used to you being a certain way and people don't like change. So you may not get the support from other places.

If you feel you may have a personality where you may take it too far you should look into getting help with your weightloss journey. Like finding a nutritionist or someone who can help you do it in a healthy way and keep you from stepping over that line.

I think it is really about mindset. A BMI in the 16/17s is underweight, but BMI isnt a great determinant of health really so without more information about the person we cant say that this is definately unhealthy for them or that they have an eating disorder. Personally I monitor calories very closely and weigh myself every day. I also eat plenty of home cooked meals and go out to eat occasionally. I do not have an eating disorder. I think that if you are weighing yourself every day and get very upset or emotional when you dont lose or dont lose enough, start binging and throwing it up again, have days where you dont eat at all or eat dangerously low levels because of a fluctuation you saw on the scale that morning, then that might be a serious sign of an eating disorder. Carefully monitoring what you eat and what you weigh, in my opinion, isnt. I think many people on this site, myself included, start out not really knowing how much food is enough, how much weight fluctuates and what factors make it do that, so carefully watching the variables helps.

Trading diet tips doesnt necessarily enable each other to overvalue thinness. I find this site very useful and helpful for making a healthier lifestyle. I dont ask "what can i do to hide food so my family doesnt know that i am not eating anything so i can become thin?" like you might find on a proana site. I might ask "how can I tell my family I am trying to be healthier and simply dont want to eat a kilo of lasagne for dinner anymore, without offending them?", or "how can I resolve days where all i want in the world is a deep fried mars bar?". Their diet tips, i dunno, like "drink tea instead of soda to reduce sugar cravings" or whatever, dont make me "over value thinness", they make me believe that I can achieve a healthy and maintainable lifestyle and weight. There's only ever been one person I have seen on this site that I thought had developed an eating disorder, and they no longer post. I think others felt the same and the person was supported by the 3FC community which encouraged them to have a more healthy approach to food, whereas if the community overvalued thinness they would probably have just worshipped that person

I think if you look around, most people here dont have great goals of ultimate stick thinness, most people just want to be healthy. And look good

I have been here a long time, and have seen my share of eating disordered posters.

One of the great things about our community is, usually, that when people come here and post unreasonable goal weights, unhealthy eating plans, and the like, the community responds by saying "Hey, you may want to re-evaluate". It's a great check for people who don't know that 800 calories a day isn't healthy, or that their goal weight might be unreasonable. And members express concern when they see someone with a clearly unhealthy plan.

That being said, the line between "obsession" and "dedication" is thin, and debated here often. What I consider my "normal" (weighing daily, eating what I do, the level of exercise I perform) might be unhealthy/unsustainable for someone else, or require an unreasonable degree of obsession to maintain. For me, I can do it without obsessing, but not everyone is that way. I think the line is hard to draw on -most- plans.

The scale is a perfect example. There are tons of people here for whom daily weighing is a trigger for unhealthy behaviors...panic over normal fluctuations, letting the scale dictate their mood for the day, etc. I can weigh every day and usually be OK with it. For me, it's a healthy behavior. For others, it isn't.

Again, I think the community is awesome for saying things like "you're weighing 5 times a day, maybe you need to take a scale vacation" or "you may want to re-evaluate your goal weight, because that weight would put you at an underweight BMI", but also, for the most part, wonderful at accepting that different things work for different people.

Jen- I so could of wrote everything you just said in your post.
Mandalinn82- I so agree with what you said also.

Thats why there are times where I take a break from this site and all the other diet forums. But I can so relate to what you said and thats why I took my weight ticker down about a month ago is because Im not focusing on the number. Of course I still weigh about 3 times a week but I don't let the number on the scale ruin my day.

I just do what works for me and that is everything in moderation, I don't cut out anything foodwise. I do limit certain things but as long as I stay within my calorie range I don't kick myself in the butt if I eat a candybar if I have the cals then I will eat it. Of course I don't do that everyday. I track my cals everyday but Im not like constantly thinking about food. Im not as strict as some but if that works for them then thats fine. I just prefer to lose slowly without sacrificing to much.

No one can force you to use your physical, mental, spiritual, and social resources, time, efforts, passions, interests, judgements .... wisely and with balance.

Discussing them with others who share your own interests, passions etc doesn't throw you in or out of balance. You do that (or don't do that), for the most part alone. Joining and participating in a quilting club doesn't force you (or prevent you) from having an unhealthy obsession with quilting.

There is not a single human endeavor that cannot become an unhealthy obsession. EVERYTHING is a slippery slope. You've got to learn to navigate the slopes and wear cleats.

3FC has many policies that do discourage uncontrolled sliding. Pro-ANA discussions are dealt with. Posts that advocate supremely dangerous diet strategies are generally closed, edited, or removed - but the moderators cannot replace our own good judgement and conscience.

If you feel that dieting sites are harmful to you, or encourage you to overvalue thinness, then you have the responsibility to use that understanding in your own best interest. If that means avoiding such sites or setting parameters for yourself, those are choices you're responsible for.

I think most people struggle with balance, but I also think most people have a greater ability to act in their own best interest than they often give themselves credit for.

I am agreeing with what everybody else has said here. I will add, alot has to do with educating yourself and having the right frame of mind to begin losing weight.
By education this is what I mean. Learn different "diets" wether its calorie counting, WW, Akins etc etc etc and find one you think will best fit your lifestyle and preferences. For some people have a site like this is a wonderful way to get that education. Once you find something focus on learning how to use that tool to be healthy not lose weight...losing weight is the side effect of trying to get healthy and that leads right in to my comment about having the right frame of mind. I see you are taller than me and your weight now is the same as my goal weight. I know my life and my reality enough to know getting down to your goal weight is not going to happen for me. Do I think it is wrong for you to strive to be 120? Absolutely not. So many things depend on your genetics, history, and so many other things that nothing about humans is a one size (I hate to use that term) fits all. I hope anybody who is on this site comes with an open mind and utilizes all the experience within this site to become the best they can be and nothing more.
BTW the fact that you are even asking this question it seems to me that you do have the right spirit fo this site. Anything that is posted should be used as a tool not a commandment and if any questions arise the best thing to do its ask about it. so I say welcome to our community and I wish you the very best.

Hey, Ghost! "how can I resolve days where all i want in the world is a deep fried mars bar?". I wait until my cheat day, and then eat it! I just say to myself "Come on, its just 3 days" and then "Okay, just another 2 days" and before I know it that fried/chocolate-y goodness is all mine.

Also, I don't count calories, exactly, though I am aware of how many calories is in a serving, and how many servings I am having. My doctor told me to stick to 1600, but I will literally get so nauseous that I CAN'T eat if I do that. I stuck to it as best as I could for two weeks, and by the end of the second week, I was having 6-700 cal. binges every night, about half-way through my sleep, though still losing weight some how. I have a condition where my liver doesn't produce enough glucose, so just eating enough to keep from being sick means I end up with at least 1800 a day.

I find, personally, that if you get enough exercise, you can pretty much just eat sensibly, and ignore the tally-up. Also, as I mentioned elsewhere, if you can't handle the weigh-in, ditch the scale. The tape-measure will never lie (unless you are retaining a lot of water or haven't pooped in a week, I guess).

I know, it was just an example Ive never actually felt the need to deep fry my chocolate

I'm new to this forum too, but my impression so far is that many if not most people here are struggling to get healthy and overcome obesity as opposed to simply being superficially or unrealistically concerned with thin-ness.

We each need to monitor our own selves, our motives, our goals and our potential obsessional behaviors and decide what it is we need to do for ourselves to be healthy - emotionally, spiritually and physically.

As for overvaluing thinness, we live in a society that does in some ways overvalue an unrealistic ideal of "thinness" for women, I think, but at the same time, much of the food that is promoted and marketed to us contributes to the epidemic levels of obesity in this country. But as a wise man once said, if you can keep your head while those around you are losing theirs.....that's our challenge.

Lol, actually, I have never had one either, though I would love to try the deep-fried oreo. Luckily, I can't fry things, the breading always falls off, so I am probably not as heavy as I would be otherwise, lol.

Also, my situation with my liver glucose is difficult in the fact that I CANNOT do low-carb. Even if I ate 1800 cal. a day in nothing but raw veggies and protein, I would end up throwing it back up again because of low-blood sugar.

:O you can get deep fried oreos??

That's what I said when I saw them. I used to work for a carnival, and they sold them, but I never tried one 'cause that just seemed like to big a sin. Plus I was heavy at the time (though lighter than I am now, lol) so I didn't want to be seen buying one.

I just wanted to say thanks for everyone's thoughtful responses! This forum has been invaluable to me so far and I look forward to continuing to be a part of it. I'm glad that it can foster an open conversation like this.

:rabbit trail: Down South you deep fry anything....