Last night, my boyfriend and I were talking and we got on the subject of my weight loss. I told him about my complex of wanting to be petite and how my height bothers me etc etc. He said to me... "if you havent noticed, you are the smallest one in this house except for zack (13 and scrawny)." (I live with him and his 3 teenagers). I never really thought of that. And then he said to me "while we are on this subject I wanted to tell you that you ARE losing too much. I am attracted to your curves and you are starting to lose the vuluptuousness that attracted me to you in the first place. I am not saying you don’t look good, I just like you a little thicker."
This is discouraging for me. I am making such great progress and he likes how I looked before better. Sorry if this doesn’t make sense.
It makes sense to me! My husband is the same way and I'm still trying to figure out how to deal with it. It's a really difficult position to be in. Sorry I can't be of more help.
Your weight isn't very heavy for your height. Its rather nice to know he likes you curvy. Maybe focus on your fitness and let weight come off slowly. For some, the weight comes off your nice girly parts, like breasts and butts and not the belly for a while, and tho spot losing isn't really possible, fitness will help a bit.
I don't think he's really being unsupportive of your healthy weight loss, but accepting you and your height and body. Maybe more than you!
My friend has a daughter who is quite tall (5-11) and they noticed she was slouchy and a bit embarrassed by her height, especially in her teens.
They put her in a modeling course for a bit to give her some body confidence, which worked great. Now she stands tall and lovely, and is quite curvy too.
good luck on your journey.
It makes sense to me (how you feel). As much as we want to look good for our significant others you have to do what makes you happy and what makes you feel good. You are the most important person in your life.
I know the feeling. It's funny that my whole life, I've felt rejected or unwanted by men because of my weight...and now that I'm losing, all the men around me are telling me to stop. "Thick" seems to be in these days!
He's being honest with you and that is really good. Sounds like he will love you no matter what and is still attracted to you, but just lettig you know that he loves your femininity. Focus on your health and getting fit...he'll think that's just as sexy! Good luck honey!
I can understand where you're coming from, when I tell certain guys that I've lost weight they are always questioning why... and that they hope I dont lose my curves bla bla bla.. but what it comes down to is how much better you feel. I know it's harder when it's your other half, but I think the confidence that radiates through is so much sexier than any extra meat on your body!
Keep up your hard work, you're doing so well and don't let anything dishearten or dampen you or your success!!
I don't want to hijack your thread, but I'm kind of experiencing the same thing. My boyfriend and I got together when I was at my highest (around 180-190). He's not super skinny, but he's very athletic looking. Typical Army guy. And I always felt like a blob next to him, and he knew I had body image issues. He always told me I was beautiful, called me his hot girlfriend, etc etc, which made me feel good, yes, but I didn't feel beautiful. Well as soon as he went to Iraq (4 months ago), I made it my project to lose weight, and he was supportive, but he always reminded me that I was beautiful exactly how I was. I've lost quite a bit since then, and I sent him some pictures where you can...ahem...see my body very clearly, lol. And of course he loved the pictures, but he commented that he was surprised that I'd lost so much. He said a few things like "if you keep losing this fast, you'll be air by the time I get home." I could just tell he didn't want me to lose anymore, lol.
I'm not going to let it stop me though. For him, he hasn't seen me for months, so he hasn't seen the gradual change. He'll get used to it. And with my size, frame, and build, I'd have to starve myself to lose my girly parts, lol.
But I wouldn't blame a guy for not wanting a super skinny girl, or even just a skinny girl if they prefer "thick" women. I do not like hugging or cuddling with skinny guys.
I don't want to hijack your thread, but I'm kind of experiencing the same thing. My boyfriend and I got together when I was at my highest (around 180-190). He's not super skinny, but he's very athletic looking. Typical Army guy. And I always felt like a blob next to him, and he knew I had body image issues. He always told me I was beautiful, called me his hot girlfriend, etc etc, which made me feel good, yes, but I didn't feel beautiful. Well as soon as he went to Iraq (4 months ago), I made it my project to lose weight, and he was supportive, but he always reminded me that I was beautiful exactly how I was. I've lost quite a bit since then, and I sent him some pictures where you can...ahem...see my body very clearly, lol. And of course he loved the pictures, but he commented that he was surprised that I'd lost so much. He said a few things like "if you keep losing this fast, you'll be air by the time I get home." I could just tell he didn't want me to lose anymore, lol.
I'm not going to let it stop me though. For him, he hasn't seen me for months, so he hasn't seen the gradual change. He'll get used to it. And with my size, frame, and build, I'd have to starve myself to lose my girly parts, lol.
But I wouldn't blame a guy for not wanting a super skinny girl, or even just a skinny girl if they prefer "thick" women. I do not like hugging or cuddling with skinny guys.
HA! Mine is a Marine. Well, I am sorry you are going through this, but it makes me feel better that I am not the only one. For what it is worth, I think you look fab.
I can relate to what you are saying. My husband told me he would tell me if I was loosing too much weight. I told him I know my family genes and one thing he won't have to worry about is the curves going anyway. I have sisters that are smaller than my goal and they still have the booty and hips. It's our heritage. But I'm not doing it just for him but for me and I won't be going past a size 10. That's where I plan to hang my hat.
I would suggest you let him know you heard him but will let him know when you have made it to goal and he will get used to it. He's actually going to like it better because you will be able to show him a few new tricks!!
Ugg I probably shouldn't wade so outnumbered into thse waters since I'm a married guy, but I will
Say your goal is 135 or whatever. There is a huge difference in a guy not wanting you to lose weight if you are 220 vs. 150. If you are a 220 then there are a lot of health reasons to lose weight. More energy, better healthy measurables, longer life, etc. If a guy says he wasnts you to stay at 220 that's a problem, because that's being a barrier to your healthy and wellness.
Once you are say 150 heading to 135 I think those issues are mostly behind you, and it's becoming more of a body image thing. I also personally do not prefer "skinny" women. If I asked most of the women I knew, including my wife, what their "goal" weight was I would likely think they were most attractive 15-20lbs above that number.
So it comes down to your choices. I have no issue with you wanting to achieve your goal for you, and whatever you think your ideal weight is. But I don't think you should be upset with your guy for saying he prefers you above that weight, especially if it is at or near a healthy weight for your frame.
It's really discouraging to hear when you've worked so hard to get to a goal. But it's something you need to hear.
We're constantly bombarded with images of the "ideal" woman - super flat abs, perky (usually modified) breasts and cinched waists. Culturally, we're supposedly only beautiful if we achieve Barbie-like proportions.
At the end of the day, our self-image is always affected by those closest to us. Last night, my husband picked me up. He hasn't done that since we were teenagers! Then he grabbed my toosh and said, "What am I going to do when this is all gone? Just don't get too skinny. I like the cushin'."
I want to be thin. If I had my way, I'd be desperately thin, waifish and all things media-beautiful. But, part of how I feel will always be influenced by how my husband sees me. Does that mean I need to stop when he says so? No, of course not. It does mean that I need to reevaluate why I'm getting so thin. Is it to feel awesome or is to meet some preordained cultural sense of beauty?
On a similar note, just on your man's statement, I heard an interesting statement once:
"Some men like their women like Coverettes. They like their ride fast and sleek. Other men prefer Cadillacs. Not as fast, not as nimble, but they're comfortable and luxurious."
I mean, really, is there anything wrong with being a Cadillac? Cadillacs are expensive, classy and refined. Every wayward 20-something boy wants a Corvette, but only men with discerning taste and a thirst for quality will give a Cadillac the care and "maintenance" it deserves. Just saying.
I'm going through this right now, too.
I had gained some weight over the summer and have recently lost 15 lbs. and hubby's telling me that I'm too skinny!
I think some of it is insecurity, maybe?? He even asked me if I was having an affair? Duh, no, I was tired of not being able to breathe in my jeans.
Don't try to understand men. It's an impossible task. Do what's right and good for you!!
I met my husband when I weighed 360 lbs, we started dating when I weighed 290 lbs. He says things like 'you are shrinking!' and that I'm tiny, bony, etc. He weighs 60 lbs less than me The thing is, he is always positive and supportive of my weight loss because he knows what I want. I know he loves me how I am, how I was 100 lbs ago and how I will be when I lose more weight.
Now I don't know what I'd do if he said that I was too skinny but I don't think he'd ever say that. A lot of times though it takes time for people to get used to the new you. Also sometimes men have insecurities like 'she is losing weight to find another guy'. I think one thing would be to assure him that you love him and that you are doing what you think is best for you.
Interesting thread...I have had some female friends experience the opposite, their guys want them to be thinner and make critical comments about their pants fitting tighter, etc. Our bodies are ours, and I am in control of my appearance and the choices that I make. I agree with the comment that randomcards made regarding health - if one is clearly overweight or underweight to the detriment of her health, I can see her partner expressing concern (ideally in an unconditionally loving way). But (and this is probably my inner feminist rearing her head) I am nervous about any guy in my life wanting to change or control my appearance. I am lucky that my partner is supportive of my lifestyle changes and encouraging of my efforts in going to the gym, wanting to eat out less, etc. He has seen me at lower and higher weights, and has always told me I'm beautiful. It will be interesting to see how he responds if I really lose significantly more as I am hoping to do. I am hoping that he will be supportive even if it means I have a smaller cup size and less of a butt...
but what it comes down to is how much better you feel. I know it's harder when it's your other half, but I think the confidence that radiates through is so much sexier than any extra meat on your body!
"I like you thicker"
