I'm sorry your husband is being so difficult. I know how important support is to our lifestyle changes. However, not that this web community can't take the place of the support you want your husband to provide, I definitely think that this place can offer you so much support, and that you will never be alone. 3FC is a place where you can talk about everything--from that cheeky can of Coke, to PMS and water-weight. By being open, and supporting each other, we are accountable, and it is an amazing motivational tool.
Part of being in a successful relationship is helping the other person achieve their goals and happiness. He needs to set aside his personal 'aesthetic' and help you live a long, healthy life.
I think I have to side with Bonnnie on this one... If your husband is mopey so be it. Tell him this is the new healthy you and he can either enjoy it or go sulk but you are beyond caring I know it sounds mean but if you invest to much in what he wants you to look like you will never be able to look/feel how you want to!!
Last edited by SkinnyGina; 01-13-2010 at 04:10 PM.
Kellye,
You can do this.. Your husband married you at 150, whats his deal now? You can change things with out making a big deal to him. As long as you watch what you are doing and exercise you can do it. The hard part is that it is going to be slow going. I am right there with ya gal. I want to be 150 again also.. 1 pound at a time.
That's tough... It might help to sit down and tell him that his actions are hurting your feelings and your relationship. You are doing this to live a long, healthy life... he's your husband so he should want you around for that.
I hope that along your journey of weight loss your husband can learn to be more supportive of you...it will really help in your success. I hope he realizes that you as a person will not change...just your weight. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be healthy, he will get to enjoy you longer that way!
I would sit down & have a serious talk about this with him...it's kind of mind blowing really.
Even if he doesn't come around...I wish you the best of luck! You are doing it for the right reasons (your health)
I actually have a quick question...is your husband a larger man?
In my own past experience with an ex of mine...he was a big guy. I lost about 40lbs when we were together & he made me feel very similar. He was very insecure that I would transform & then decide I didn't want to be with him anymore.
If that is the case...maybe you should reassure him that you aren't going anywhere & you will still be the same person...just smaller!
Hi Kellye!
Sounds like hubby is feeling threatened and is insecure and uncomfortable with change. Perhaps since he is acting out like child, perhaps you should treat him as such, ignoring his pouting and silent treatment and continue moving forward in your quest for a healthier you -maybe if he sees that you're not reacting to him, are doing this anyway and as someone suggested, that you're not going anywhere and still love him, perhaps he'll feel more comfortable with the changes - in any case, the support you need is here - we'll all be here to cheer you on.
Glad to have you join us! There are lots & lots of different groups and forums - I'm sure you'll find some that will keep you motivated and inspired - you'll be a wonderful addition to any of them. Try the weight loss support forums, they're active and very helpful - also the Success stories are a definite must for motivation.
There are bunches of people here with more to lose and some with less - the bottom line is that we all have to do it a day at a time. The good thing is that we'll have lots of company along the way.
I've only been here since last fall, having NEVER been part of an online forum. What has been so eye-opening is how much it has helped me. Whenever I feel overwhelmed or defeated, I just log on and read some of the success stories, complete with their before & after photos - or read about others still dealing day to day with their challenges - and before I know it, the time has flown by and so have all the thoughts of going off track or giving up. It has made all the difference in my success so far.
So welcome - you 've found the right place - join in by inspiring us and being inspired!
I just wanted to take a moment and congratulate you. I think it’s awesome that you are losing the weight for YOU and your health. It’s a very difficult, emotional roller coaster, and I’m sorry your hubby is having a difficult time, especially since as your husband he should be your biggest fan and supporter, and he needs to remember he loves you for the person you are inside not your shell. It seems he is not a fan of change, and you are actually doing this for you and not for him, which might be a change for him. But after the initial shock I really do hope he comes around and remembers why he fell in love with you in the first place, and starts suporting your new lifestyle.
You have come to the right place, I’ve been a lurker of 3fatchicks for years and the people on here are great.
Hi there, I am also new here. I have had a similar problem with my DH in that he had been exhibiting resentment over my exercise time. I stopped exercising for 4 months because of that and it was very unhealthy for me and for our marriage. You must talk with your DH. I did and it changed his whole attititude. If he really wants you to be happy and if for you that means healthy, then he will support you. Tell him you need his support and you need him. Ask him if he would rather take you to the ER for an asthma attack and watch you suffer from not being able to breathe, or see you eat fat free cottage cheese. Hmmm?
You have a very interesting situation going on there. An earlier poster asked a great question....if your husband is an FA, why was he attracted to you when you only weighed 150 lbs.? It leads me to wonder if the real problem is that he's terrified that if you lose weight, other men will be attracted to you and/or that you'll leave him. This can be a relatively common problem in these situations if the husband is insecure about this.
Your situation is similar to the ones where the husband marries a normal-sized woman, she later has children and gains a good bit of weight, and the husband makes her life difficult, often making snarky and insulting references to her weight. And in fact, in a certain percentage of these cases, even though the husband seems to hate and resent the gain, he will then sabotage her attempts to lose it due to underlying insecurity.
In your particular case, the fact that you are so young and have a chronic illness like asthma makes it almost critical that you attempt to maintain as healthy a weight as possible.....and this makes his sulking and pouting even more ridiculous, quite frankly. If this becomes more and more of a problem as you continue to be successful in your quest, you may end up needing some sort of marriage-counseling in order to help him better understand how critical this is for your health. Would he like you better fat or sick? Or fat and having major difficulty with mobility due to your weight and the asthma? Or fat and gone? This is really unfair to you, IMO. And he could probably benefit from counseling in order to help him face the real issues behind why he's doing this.
Oh, and let me add one more thing....because you said he did the exact same thing to you when you quit smoking...this also leads me to believe that this is due much more to insecurity than it is to being a FA. You're probably going to have to deal with this head-on at some point here in the near future. To have a level of insecurity that you'd make your spouse's life difficult when she has asthma and tries to quit smoking, indicates a serious concern, IMO.
He will come around, just like he did when you quit smoking. He is just insecure as the posters above said. Also, who like change? Some are more afraid of change than others.... Tell him to jump on board with you and to support you or keep his comments and attitude away... You are doing this for your health. he should be able to push aside his insecurity for helping his wife get back to a healthier self. He is insecure as you are a very beautiful woman. He knows what you looked like at 150 and married you then! Don't be intimidated by his quest to keep you fat. Fat is unhealthy and contributes to many health issues. He obviously loved you at 150 and loves you still now... it will be fine. like i said, some have a tough time adjusting to change.... eventually they will stop having a pity party and come around.
Outside factors in losing weight (newbie here!)
I know it sounds mean but if you invest to much in what he wants you to look like you will never be able to look/feel how you want to!!
