Yep... another man question... first date jitters?
Well, I wouldn't necessarily call it a formal "date" date, we're meeting for drinks after work tomorrow... I met him at a bar a few weeks ago and we've talked through text and email and get along really well.... However, even though I'm 10 lbs from being considered "normal" (and not overweight) I still feel like the size of a whale. Like if any of his friends were there they'd be like "Woah Joe really settled on this one.. she's huge." Which I know is ridiculous. But others have posted before about it taking awhile to shake that image of them being at their heighest weight, and I'm definitely struggling with that.
And you know what's ironic? He's no model himself (although he does have a pretty good body) but he is just so unbelievably confident it's a HUGE turn on. But he's not arrogant. Arrogance is a huge turn off for me. He's just a good, nice guy with a lot of confidence.... which of course, makes me think how not confident i am when it comes to dating, which makes me appear self-conscious, and well it's a vicious circle. Not to mention, I appear so confident over these technological means (texting, email), but face to face? I totally lose it: my confidence, my humor and wit, my ability to think of things to talk about!
ugh. any tips? and is it bad i'm glad there's going to be a little booze there as some liquid courage?
Match his confidence and work it. Cheesy, but sometimes you really have to fake it till you make it.
I totally get not being able to quite shake the former self image, but you've worked hard to get where you are- own it!!! Would he really want to meet you for a drink if he wasn't attracted to you?
And about the drinking- don't be that girl that has one cocktail to loosen up and next thing you know you're peeing in a parking lot. My company owns bars and cubs- I've seen it a million times Just be careful with that one...
the day of your date try not to even think about it to much.......and push all ove these negative thorts out ov your head.
If it help have a few drinks at home for dutch courage but dont over do it u dont wana turn up blottoed or him sussing out u needed extra curage....just a few cheeky vinos to relax and unwind and let the positive thorts flow in.
Id recommend getting ready and giving your self a once over in the mirror and DO NOT go back ( i am terrible at going back and picking faults) youll be there all night. And put doubts in your head letting negativity creap in.
Listen to some feel good music , music that makes u feel uplifted and upbeat . Visualise that your really going out with a few of your girlfriends and before you know it it will be time to meet him and your nerves havent had time to eat you up. Which means all your energy will be focused on having fun and chatting about whatever.
Its really not a big deal , and ull come home wandering what an earth u were worried about,
And if hes really as great as you say....you will not beable to wait to do it again. have fun
Don't worry about losing your wit etc.; you're not there to put on a show, but to get to know this man. If you completely blank, just tell him what you've told us: that you find his confidence sans arrogance really attractive. He won't notice that you're not going out of your way to be entertaining when he's feeling warm and fuzzy from the compliment
I have an issue with dating men from bars when I meet them, cause usually they just want one thing. I can't really tell you what to do because I don't remember how my dates were when I dated haha. But I can tell you what not to do!
1) Don't get too drunk
2) Don't talk about ex's
3) Don't sleep with him unless you never want to see him again and just want to get laid.
4) I don't know I just like 4. lol
But if he's going on a date with you he must be attractive to you. Just be yourself remember not all guys like anerexic skinny chicks some like them nice a curvy. Plus all that really plays is confidence even if you don't have it for feel it, fake it he doesn't know your faking it and he'll like it as well. Men like confident woman.
I met my ex (we were together 3 years) at a bar and I met my current BF at a bar - the current boy admittedly didn't need the "first date jitters" as well...meeting at the bar ended up spending the entire next couple of days together but thats not the point lol.
He'll be nervous as well, first dates are more like an interview anyway. Just relax, enjoy yourself, have a laugh (don't take yourself too seriously).
I still have times where I revert back to being completely body self conscious and wondering why in the **** my BF finds me attractive.
...he's a 6'9 professional athlete... :P
but if he's into you then he is, whatever you currently look like thats what attracted him in the first place!
I agree with Junebug...fake confidence. You'll be surprised because you won't have to fake it long before it sort of just feels natural and you actually DO feel confident. And men are attracted to confidence just as much as we are!
I remember dating...lol. I haven't had one in forever, but I remember I used to do this thing...I would meet a guy and we would talk or text and make plans to hang out and I was start freaking out. This would be the audio of what would go through my head: What if he didn't notice for some reason how big I am? He probably doesn't realize I'm so fat and when I get out of the car he will flee. I probably looked skinnier than normal that day and that's the only reason he was interested. Etc, etc,etc.
But what I realized: men are very observant! He knows what you look like and he apparently LIKES IT girl! And that's all the reason in the world to feel confident around him. Have fun and be yourself and tell us how it goes!
Hi ladies! Thanks for all the great responses, and I thought in case you were interested I'd give you a brief rundown of how it went...
wow. i cannot BELIEVE I made that big a deal out of it haha He is very nice, very intelligent, successful, but definitely NOT a potential romantic interest. Physically he's not my type, but personality as well (Friend - yes. Boyfriend - no). We did have a really good time though, we had good conversation from about 7-10, but it was def. more of a "Catch up with an old buddy" conversation. I now just feel so silly for being so nervous! haha I didn't even have to FAKE being confident. He was dare I say it - nerdy? And that's not necessarily a bad thing. I absolutely appreciate intelligence in a partner and am longer in high school and would make fun of him for it, but he's def. not the suave ladies man I made him out to be haha
And, for the record, at one point in the night, he said (in regard to his sister, so this wasn't out of the blue) that I (yes, ME) have "a lot of confidence" and am very "pulled together."
Bottom line: I think I have a new friend who likes to buy me drinks :O and have good conversation with... but I think it's platonic on both ends. Fortunately, I'm meeting up with another guy that I have known for years that I've always been interested in (I've posted about him before) on Friday night and this has just done wonders for my confidence going into that meet-up!
Well First off yay you have a date with someone you like. My advice would be you are worth someone liking you and never forget that. Have fun tonight and dont put pressure on your self because dates are suppose to be fun.
Yep... another man question... first date jitters?
Just be careful with that one...
5 minutes and i've already got two responses and very well made points!
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