I have been eating healthily for some time now, with some success. I no longer want some foods that I used to love. Others, I do want, but I tell myself that it's simply not an option, and I get by somehow. I end up thinking about something else & the urge passes.
But I have noticed that I take an unhealthy interest in watching other people eat foods that I will no longer eat.
I've begun to call it "food voyeurism."
Like, I'll be out with a friend & if she considers getting something, I'll urge her to do it. (I must emphasize that my friends do NOT have my problems with food. They aren't former binge buddies & they aren't heavy. Eating treats is a regular part of their lifestyle.) Partly this is so my friends feel like they can enjoy themselves when they're with me, and I don't look like an anti-sugar, anti-fat evangelist. But also, I feel invested in some way. I become nearly a "food pusher" (a behavior I hate in other people, when they act that way toward me). I find myself watching too avidly while she eats it, and I have to tell myself, "Eyes down." I am far too interested in her purchase & consumption of the food. Like she's my surrogate or something & she's enjoying it for both of us. All I know is, it's not the fondness of an ethnic grandma saying, "That boy sure can eat! What an appetite! Enjoy, enjoy!" There is something more to this behavior.
I am probably alone in my weirdness, but at least I recognize that it's really weird & that it's not healthy in some way. I hesitated in describing this & had to think about where to post it, and it seems to me it really belongs in the "Chicks in Control" Forum. Does this sound familiar to anyone? How do you cope with it?
I just want food to lose its fascination & become a more neutral thing. That's happening, slowly, but sometimes it still recaptures its old glamour for me.
Saef: All I can say is that you're not alone in this one. Maybe it's some kind of transference - a way to "safely" feel that same pleasure that eating used to provide? I wonder if you might get more feedback by taking this one over to the Maintainer's forum, in the thread "Issues after Weight Loss". I'm probably taking some sort of a passive-aggressive stance - I refuse to finish a serving of something and then get a guilty thrill out of watching somebody finish it for me. It doesn't seem quite ... healthy.
You are definitely not alone! Count me in on this one. Please don't judge me but I get a real thrill in watching others, friends (not family though) and strangers, make poor eating choices. I think that I can then feel superior about myself--which is stupid because I eat crappy food sometimes too. I am not a food pusher though. I have a friend that is and it's annoying. I feel like others will now think I'm a bad person...
Yep, you're not alone saef. I don't do this myself, but I have a friend who does. Every time she goes on a diet (has lost and regained several times), she is almost evangelical about depriving herself. Meanwhile, she loves to watch others eat and drink, and pushes them to do so. She doesn't understand this behaviour either.
losermom, I don't think you're a bad person. Our minds are so complex! I know that when I see others eating something good, I want it too, but I also give myself a pat on the back when I can resist. If everyone is eating healthy, then maybe our huge effort not to eat is not really that evident. BUT, when other people can't resist and we can...maybe that's the thrill? It's not that different from how people are competitive with other things....it's all about feeling accomplished. The weight loss journey is very solitary and the efforts and really that impressive. What I mean is that when we look great after a huge weight loss, people are impressed, but they're not really impressed when you are resisting one bad choice after another. Maybe this is a reminder of the huge accomplishment. Anyway, I could be way off, but am just thinking out loud. But loser mom, you are NOT a bad person! You are just an honest person!
I worry about my food voyeurism
All I can say is that you're not alone in this one. Maybe it's some kind of transference - a way to "safely" feel that same pleasure that eating used to provide? I wonder if you might get more feedback by taking this one over to the Maintainer's forum, in the thread "Issues after Weight Loss". I'm probably taking some sort of a passive-aggressive stance - I refuse to finish a serving of something and then get a guilty thrill out of watching somebody finish it for me. It doesn't seem quite ... healthy.
