Hey guys. I'm new. (New poster, rather. Been lurking for a while.)
I've been trying to lose weight on my own for years. I've never told anyone my goals or been part of a community because I was always afraid that I wouldn't fit in, or that other people would judge my weight/goals, or that talking about my goals would make me an obsessive dieter or something ...
Weird as it sounds, I am secretly ashamed of my weight (I don't feel like I can talk to any of my friends about it), but I have also been ashamed of joining a community ... and admitting that I could use some help & support along the way! That I can't do this alone! Isn't that silly?
So here I am. Hi, everyone.
I do need help. I binge a lot (maybe half the days of the week). I've been trying to "lose weight" for almost 10 years, on and off, and I've never really succeeded. I'll have a few days/weeks of eating healthy & exercising, then I'll yo-yo back ... and I don't even really try to diet strictly! I just can't seem to motivate myself to eat vegetables when there are tastier things (like pizza) around! (Maybe I just need some good recipes?! Veggies are so bland to me!)
I feel so ashamed of my binges ... and it's frustrating to get nowhere ... my weight has fluctuated within 15 pounds for the last 10 years, but that's it! I want to make some real progress instead of going through the same old patterns. I'm generally pretty good about exercise, but food is my one huge obstacle. So if you have any tips on how to stop bingeing, or any sort of support that would encourage me to keep going, I would REALLY appreciate it. I want to really lose the weight this time -- and FOR GOOD! But I already know from experience I can't do it alone! Hoping to hear from you.
Hello and welcome, Skyra! I am glad you are joining us. You will find great support here; a lot of people will know exactly what you are going through and will have good advice to help you along the way. You are not alone.
I wish you the very best on your weight loss journey and hope to cross paths with you often on the boards!
Welcome to the forum. You are so hard on yourself in your post... you claim you can't maintain a diet and that you're lacking in motivation. This couldn't be further from the truth. Bingeing is a real illness and it has to be dealt with directly, it's not about finding the right recipes or being motivated. Compare it to someone who dies unfortunately of cancer - you wouldn't say that he/she was unmotivated and was too lazy to do something about their cancer would you?
What I'm getting at is that blaming yourself and blaming your character won't help you deal with bingeing. There are many constructive ways with dealing with this issue and I hope you find them. I'm doing it through therapy, although I'm not a doctor and I wouldn't want to claim that that's the only way. We're here to help too.
wannabeskinny -- thanks for replying! I don't know that I qualify to have a professional diagnosis. I just know that I eat more almost every day than I need to, often more than I really want to. I just eat because I feel like I have to, or because I'm bored.
The thing that's frustrating is that I had a therapist months back -- a very good therapist in other aspects -- whom I mentioned this to. She herself was quite overweight. She told me that if I felt uncomfortable about how much I was eating, that I should watch what I ate, but that she didn't really think I had a problem. Which is maybe why I'm afraid to say I think I might... I don't want people thinking I'm making a mountain out of a molehill...
Part of the problem is that I'm smaller than some others -- 5'2" and 145 pounds -- and I'm sure the size of MY binges are smaller than some binges other people have. The problem is that, according to my doctor, I should weigh around 115. So yes, I could lose some weight. But I feel like my goals -- and my binges -- are so much smaller than everyone else's and therefore I shouldn't struggle with them.
I'm not really sure what you could say in response to this, but I wanted to explain myself a little. Thanks for your input and thanks for listening. This is the first time in my life I've said any of this in the open.
Hi, I am new too. I have also yo-yo'd in the same 15 lb range for years. I do really well and diet and lose the weight, but then it all comes back when I can't seem to control the binges. At first it is a conscious choice--I am going to let myself eat what I want, it is unrealistic to be so controled all the time--and before I know it, it is almost every night. Always in front of the TV late at night. I want to lose about 10 lbs and be free of this insanity, but I don't know how.
I know how to lose the weight, but apparently my fat is trying to tell me something because it keeps coming back.
K
wannabeskinny -- thanks for replying! I don't know that I qualify to have a professional diagnosis. I just know that I eat more almost every day than I need to, often more than I really want to. I just eat because I feel like I have to, or because I'm bored.
The thing that's frustrating is that I had a therapist months back -- a very good therapist in other aspects -- whom I mentioned this to. She herself was quite overweight. She told me that if I felt uncomfortable about how much I was eating, that I should watch what I ate, but that she didn't really think I had a problem. Which is maybe why I'm afraid to say I think I might... I don't want people thinking I'm making a mountain out of a molehill...
Part of the problem is that I'm smaller than some others -- 5'2" and 145 pounds -- and I'm sure the size of MY binges are smaller than some binges other people have. The problem is that, according to my doctor, I should weigh around 115. So yes, I could lose some weight. But I feel like my goals -- and my binges -- are so much smaller than everyone else's and therefore I shouldn't struggle with them.
I'm not really sure what you could say in response to this, but I wanted to explain myself a little. Thanks for your input and thanks for listening. This is the first time in my life I've said any of this in the open.
If you're not quite sure whether your binges are out of the normal spectrum then you may want to spend some time googling around eating disorders, specificially key words like compulsive overeating disorder, and binge eating disorder as it's sometimes called. There are usually many symptoms associated with bingeing and one may have them to any degree of intensity like these from the mayo clinic.
According to the Mayo Clinic Compuslive Overeating is not technically classified as an eating disorder yet, but try telling that to those of us who suffer with these symptoms...
KarenLee -- me too! I always tell myself "well, I've been doing really well lately, and it's not good to deny myself all the time... I'm going to enjoy this without any guilt and then get back to the program!" But then one decadent meal (or day) turns into several ... and then I'm back to eating uncontrollably, food I don't even want that much! It's a vicious cycle... it's good to know there's someone else who has experienced what I have.
I understand if you don't want to give up your TV, but maybe if you do something else late at night it'll help break the pattern? Just an idea.
Welcome to the forum! You will find tons of support and no judgement here. Eating disorders are hard. I know I get frustrated when I read posts that say "Decide to lose weight. Choose to lose weight. Etc etc etc". While the words are helpful, I feel it's like telling a depressed person to decide to be happy. Eating disorders are really hard. You will find support, people who understand, etc. on this forum.
Last edited by girlonfire; 10-15-2009 at 03:29 PM.
Skyra,
I have thought about giving up the TV. it is the nightly ritual for me and my sweetie. Get the kids down, watch some netflix and SNACK. He is so active he can have a big bowl of ice cream every night and work it off the next day. giving it up feels hard--I cherish the time with him. I want to figure out how to do it without the binge.
For a while we tried watching TV in bed because I have a "no food in bed" rule (I hate the crumbs).
He is willing to forego the snacking to support me. That works for a while, but then he gets tired of it or he eats his ice cream in another part of the house--which makes me feel even more "left out" of the snack.
The one thing that has helped is late dinner (so I don't get hungry) and going to bed before I get hungry. Or plan a snack--some sort of treat that is limited like a small bowl of strawberries, a yogurt or a skinny cow ice cream. something that has built-in portion control otherwise I just sit there with the whole bag of chips or the whole carton of ice cream.
I really want to understand WHY I do this. I am 40 years old and I am tired to living this way. I know I can diet and lose the weight, but I always seem to find myself back at it six months later...
KarenLee -- good for you for trying to break the habit, though! That's great.
From what you wrote, it sounds like watching TV in bed might be the best choice? Then neither of you are eating, so you don't feel left out of the snack, but you still get to cuddle up with your husband. Maybe you could mention that it makes you feel left out/deprived/lonely if he eats his snack in another part of the house because you really enjoy that time with him?
Hmm ... I keep going back to binging, too. You know what, though, we have the support of this community this time, which we never had any other time around. I think that will help! Maybe we could PM back and forth and keep each other accountable for binging? Just an idea. Like a quick "hey, I went another day without binging!", or "I binged today, it was a hard day", every day, something simple? I think I might be less likely to binge if I knew another person would hear I'd done it! (I usually hide my binges.)
You know what? Today was my first binge-free day in TWO WEEKS. I know it sounds kind of pathetic, but I passed up BOTH Chipotle and chocolate cake -- two of my favorites! I ate a little more than I needed to during the day, sure, but no binges! I just wanted to post that somewhere, because as small of a victory as it is, I'm still proud.
Skyra--you got it! It is great to get the support!
I am proud to report I did not eat ANYTHING in front of the TV last night. That does not mean I didn't each some junk at other times during the day, but it was all reasonable amounts (one bowl of popcorn, one small brownie).
I know I won't probably won't lose any weight until i cut out all the junk, but for now, I just want to break the binge habit. BABY STEPS, right?
You know what helped last night? I decided to fake it until I make it. Every time I was tempted to eat something I asked myself "What would a normal person do?" I decided a normal person wouldn't obsess about food and have a small brownie or have a bowl of popcorn. It helped me not feel so crazy about food.
I know I can diet and lose weight (I have done it a million times before), I just don't trust myself to have a normal relationship with food. I am going to focus on a normal relationship and less on the "diet" and see what happens.
Baby steps, yes. I feel like I have gotten the exercise thing to be a real habit, something I look forward to doing. I focused on that for a long while. Now I'm turning my attention to food. I'm not ready to count calories or anything like that yet ... or cut out all the junk, as you mentioned ... I am just going to try to get through each day without binging, until non-binging becomes a habit too. Who knows, maybe a little weight will come off in that process, but I think for now it's more important to focus on changing my habits than worrying about whether I'm losing weight every week.
Cheers to you getting through binge-free! I've had a binge-free day too, so far. I'm impressed you controlled yourself around the brownies... they are my absolute favorite.
new & nervous binger
Maybe we could PM back and forth and keep each other accountable for binging? Just an idea. Like a quick "hey, I went another day without binging!", or "I binged today, it was a hard day", every day, something simple? I think I might be less likely to binge if I knew another person would hear I'd done it! (I usually hide my binges.)
