Frustration with the whole food/eating/weight thing
I'm feeling very out of control with my eating for the last week. Every day I wake up and tell myself that today is the day I will stick to the plan and make the good choices. That lasts all of five minutes. I then start eating, and once I start, I graze throughout the day. I'm not really hungry when I choose to eat. Sometimes only an hour goes by between "meals". I'm not eating meals, technically, but rather, having a big, calorie-laden snack.
I've been eating low-carb for a very long time, to manage type 2 diabetes, but this week, I can't stop myself. 90% of my choices are healthy whole grains, lean meats, olive oil, almonds, vegetables. I overeat healthy foods. I watch TV where I hear that people who eat whole grains get full on less food and weigh less. No one bothered to ask me about that, because I can just eat and eat and eat.
I know that this is a reaction to stress. I am in a place in my life not of my own choosing, and I don't know how to get out of this. I've moved back to my hometown to help care for my aging and ailing parents. They are really difficult people, so I have to walk a fine line between setting boundaries with them, being there to help them when they need it, and not getting caught up in their addiction to creating drama in my life. My husband dumped me so he could thoroughly explore his mid-life crisis. I had to give up my life and my home to him, but I have retained the children. I'm helping them through this transition, so I have to keep it together for them so they can move on with their lives. I can't find work, I can't afford to go back to school right now. I'm feeling very overwhelmed and I don't have anyone I can turn to.
So there's always food, to stuff my emotions, so I can check out of the anger and frustration. But I don't want to do that!!!! I stopped doing that for a long time and I never wanted to go back to that behavior. But I feel like I'm falling into an abyss and I can't find my way out right now. Usually I've been able to muscle my way through to a solution. But right now, I can't.
I wish I could get away, just for a couple of weeks. I wish someone would come and clean and organize my house for me.
I wish I could just walk away from spending so much time thinking about what I'm eating, what I haven't eaten, writing it all down, measuring, exercising, worrying about not exercising...I want to live! Being enslaved by food and weight issues feels really horrible. I don't want to reach other other end of my life and have an obsession with fatness and food be the only thing I have to show for it!
I want to live a life that's meaningful to me. Why is that so hard to get to?
Hey Georgia, it sounds like you do have a lot on your plate and so many people are relying on you. My recommendation is to try to put yourself first, even for just small periods of time. I know it's easier said than done....but if you take some time away from your parents and your kids, it may help you to address your emotions in other ways? You have come so far and made it through so much, I know it seems hard to keep trucking but you are smart and strong and you can handle it!
I've also been at a place in my life where everything was a mess. I gained about 30 lb during that year (yeah, in one year). At some point, I think it was actually a point where someone again refused to step in and help, I decided I wasn't going to be a victim any more. I adopted a "I can do anything, get out of my way" attitude. Part of that was a huge drop in weight. One of the mantras that I used during that time was "I cannot control other people, only how I react to them". If your parents are being difficult tell them, "I will help you, but then I will leave, I won't let you make me miserable in it". Contact your local Agency on Aging TODAY to get them more assistance and take the burden off of you. YOU are in charge of you. YOU make the choices and call the shots in your life. It's hard when we're programmed to be caregivers and put others first, but YOU have to be your first priority. If you don't stick up for you no one else will. Take one thing at a time and do it. Make yourself do it. I remember when my whole goal for the day was "today I will get out of bed and I will shower". Baby steps are fine, but take steps. I think the next week I moved to "today I will get out of bed, shower, and complete one household chore". It's your life and these are your decisions. No one can do it for you and I know you can do it. It's mind over matter. Make one good choice and one turns into two and two turns into three. Things that are worthwhile are hard to get, but hard is relative. It use to be hard for me to get out of bed and shower. Now it's what I do everyday. It use to be hard for me to keep up with the laundry. Now I barely ever have any laundry in the house. It's not hard anymore. You can do anything that you put your mind to, you just have to put your mind to it. What are you going to do TODAY to improve your situation?
Girl just reading your post made me want to eat potato chips. That's the same way I handle stress too, reaching for food for comfort. I know the feeling - food doesn't say no, it doesn't yell at you, it doesn't leave you, it doesn't expect anything of you. But no matter how deeply entrenched you are with eating for comfort right now you know and I know that food is not the answer.
First thing you gotta do is pull yourself out of victim mode. You are living a life of your own choosing my dear whether you want to believe that or not. You've stood up for what's important in your life - your children and your parents. They might not realize it yet but what you are doing for them is something that nobody else on this earth can do. It's time for you to act like the person you are - the provider! Providers provide, but they don't sacrifice themselves for the people they're providing for. You can't destroy yourself for your exhusband or your elderly parents, or even your kids. You've got to be in tip top shape to do what you have to do. Now is the time so stop consoling yourself with food and start acting like an adult because you're the only adult in sight right now. You know that saying: "If you can't take care of yourself then how can you take care of others."
It's time to start realizing that you're in a position of power, so own it. Look around my dear you don't got it so bad. That's what I think about when I don't want to go for a run - I think about the guy with prosthetic legs who's training for a marathon... I HAVE legs and I'm gonna sit on my butt? Shame. I think about the woman who weighs so much that a wall has to be torn down at her house so that she can be crane lifted to the hospital... I have my health and I'm going to sabotage myself? Shame. Think about how many people out there who have nothing to live for, nobody to support them, and no chance of happiness who go out there and make it happen for themselves. You owe this to yourself and to your kids.
You can write a post on 3fc and get sympathy but you don't need sympathy my friend. You already have everything you need to make this happen so go out there and claim the life that is yours, not the life that you think is handed to you.
I can understand the stress of the whole eating, writing it down, stuff.
I just went through the frustration of that myself and am coming out of the obsession. What worked for me is: I planned monthly menus and snacks. I also realized that my focus was wrong and I am fortunate that someone showed me that my focus wasn't on God, it was on food and exercise and what to do and what not to do.
I don't know if you have a relationship with Jesus or not, but that is what is helping me.
Believe me, I do know the stress and frustration and hopelessness that comes with it, and the thing is, our weight will come off in it's own timing, as we consistantly learn to do what is right for us. I believe everyone has a plan that works for them, definitely not "one size fits all" or even "one size fits most".... I got frustrated with the scale not moving faster and there was nothing I could do to get it to move... The more I stressed the more I thought about food and eating that food. The more I told myself I couldn't have something, the more I wanted that something.
Now my focus is different and I pray that it will stay that way.
I'm sorry about all the problems you are having with the separation, kids, parents...it can be overwhelming. If you ever need someone to talk to you can pm me if you would like to.
Many, many thanks to everyone who chimed in to help me get a grip on my reality. It worked!
I was definitely trapped in an old victim-mentality pattern. I really want to end that habit, so I'm setting out to learn how to do that. I've made plans to go on a short retreat in late October in order to learn more about managing emotions, stress and eating. And I definitely need to schedule a massage this week!
With regards to the obsession with fitness and food, I think I'm going to walk away from keeping the food diary, weighing too often and over planning. For now, I can live with a pantry stocked with healthy choices, avoiding eating out and avoiding pre-packaged foods, and making a point to work up to an hour of cardio a day and Pilates twice a week again.
I'm dealing with some health issues that haven't been pinned down yet, but my doctor and I are managing that for now. It is keeping me from exercising on many days, but as long as I am prepared to exercise everyday, then I can do something everyday.
I am a spiritual woman, but I find that I experience a lot of stress when I don't feel like I'm moving forward with life. I am where I am because this is a stage in my life where I need to be here, as frustrating as that is. I know my future holds all sorts of promise. I'm very impatient to get there!
Today, all I have to do is the laundry, the dishes and bake a birthday cake for my youngest son. I'm trying to resist the urge to make that to-do list longer. I can vacuum and mop the floors downstairs if I have the energy and time to do so later on. (I am so guilty of making tremendously long to-do lists and I overwhelm myself and then feel so bad when I don't get it all done. Another bad habit!)
Frustration with the whole food/eating/weight thing
I can understand the stress of the whole eating, writing it down, stuff.
