hey guys-well my sister's husband deployed this morning..they've been together for a long time, but hes 20 and she's 19 so i don't know how well she is placing her emotions (she lives 4 hrs away and i havent TALKED to her, just text)..so what i am needing help with is support, i dont know what to say to her, or how to talk about it..i have sent her a couple of articles i found regarding spousal support while the soldier is deployed, and also the link for military.com so she can browse there and see what they have to offer..i dunno, im just wondering if you could share some experiences of how it was for you? To the men who've served and been deployed-what helped you most? what didn't help and you wish your loved ones wouldnt have done? Loved one's/Spouses--how did you cope? What resources did you use to stay involved/keep your mind busy?? Anything will help-i just want to be there for her, and i am clueless as to how!!! THANKS SO MUCH ((FOR DOING IT ALL FOR US))
I don't fall into either of those categories...but my older brother and his wife were ARMY for many years....so I thought I could still share a little input.
One thing for her to keep busy: plan and put together care packages. Write him long letters, even if it's only to tell him that she went to the grocery store and found apples on sale that day. If she knows what magazines he likes, have her send some of those to him. Copies of photos.
4 hours is a pain of a drive, but if you can arrange some time, I'm sure she'd love a day or two with you. Y'all can get mani/pedi's or something. Just cook at home. Talk. Whatever.
Let her have a day to wallow if she needs it. She might have a day where she just wants to stay in PJ's, eat junk food, and watch sad movies.
Stay active. If she has too much free time, she could exercise or volunteer somewhere. Take the time to do those little projects around her home that she's been putting off forever.
Take a cooking class so she can cook an awesome welcome home meal when he gets back.
Stay positive. Don't stress over "what ifs". They will drive you crazy.
If she lives on base, get to know other military wives. If anyone understands, they do.
The base should have different programmes for the spouses of deployed troops. She could try the Family Support Center. Her husband's unit will probably have support groups to help.
The base chapel would be a good place to check and see if anything is going on for the families.
Hope she finds some help. It's not easy especially when you are so young.
I'm going to be honest, it's going to be extremely difficult for her. My fiance, then boyfriend, was deployed for over a year to Kosovo when I was in college, and I was about her age, it was from when I was 19.5-20.5. The chances of them surviving their relationship are very slim, unfortunately. But if she wants it work and if she wants to stay close to her spouse, she needs to find a way to communicate as often as possible, by writing letters. Tell her to write to him every day or every other day, and to bake endless amounts of sweets, cookies, brownies, and send them to him. Care packages, care packages, care packages. That's what kept me sane. If she has single friends, she can arrange a letter-writing campaign like I did with my sorority sisters. We want to focus on ourselves during this time, but it's more important to focus on him. The joy of baking is that it's inexpensive and time-consuming and takes your mind off of things. It's just so important to be absolutely supportive of him because the stress he's under is tremendous. And I got support from my friends, and it would be very helpful for her to get support from her military friends, and nonmilitary friends.
What helped me was honesty. I didn't like sugarcoating. And it might help your sister.
thanks all-she did say that they hooked her up with support groups etc. so i am not worried about that..i am going to share the posts with her, and hopefully she will take the advice..i think she'll be alright-i talked with her yesterday and she is handling it really well..i can honestly say i would FREAK OUT lol..but thanks again everyone!
I have never dealt with my husband being gone for months at a time, but mine is gone ALOT!! He flies with an airplane, whenever it goes on a mission... Do they have myspace/facebook/email? Thats how my husband and I keep in contact when he is gone. Phone cards are kinda expensive, but they are worth every penny. 4 hours really isn't that big of a gap... try to plan a trip to see her... time with the family is really important. We're over 12 hours from our family, and its hard... but anyone can do it. I drove the 12 hours with my daughter, and our puppy all by myself when my husband was gone once... just so I could be close to my loved ones when he was gone. Just support her... thats all she needs.
Calling All Military/ Military Spouses!
