[TnGal31]

I am so sad tonight. I have PCOS and was diagnosed 6 years ago. It's really getting me down tonight. I have started having to shave my chin. Life is not fair. I could cry but what's the use. IT won't solve anything. I'm fat. Thank GOD my husband and kids love me cause I DON'T !!! Anyway, here's my story.

I am 31 years old, married, 2 kids.

I was always chunky as a young girl. During high school and college I got down to a size 10 and I was actually VERY (I thought) nice looking at that size. I didn't have many PCOS symptoms...didn't know I had it or anything except my periods were never regular and I had ovarian pain sometimes.

Well I got pregnant with my daughter (9) at age 21 while I was still skinny...but I gained 70 lbs carrying her. That is when I suspected something was wrong. I was not eating more than normal and I gained a ton. Everything was ok with my pregnancy except the weight gain which put me around 235lbs.

Afterwards I lost down to 195. I started having problems with my hair falling out in globs. Everyone told me it was normal after pregnancy. I started having terrible acne. Again...."normal". This continued but I didn't pay it too much mind until my hair started looking really thin. I had VERY little breast milk. Saw experts. They couldn't figure it out. My periods were still allllll messed up, too. I had started gaining weight and was up to 215lbs when daughter turned 2.

When my daughter was 2 I started trying for another baby. I tried for almost 2 years with no birth control (and we TRIED...LOL) and nothing happened. I was sent to a RE and he did ultrasounds/labwork. Told me I had PCOS and I would likely not get pregnant again. I was put on Metformin XR (the devil drug as I call it) and it was like a miracle. My periods came back, I felt better, and most of all I got pregnant a year after starting the MET !

I was estatic. During the pregnancy I got gestational diabetes (thank you PCOS) and by the end was on 3 shots of insulin per day. I really watched my diet and only gained 30lbs. Thank the LORD my son was born just fine via C-Section right on time and healthy.

So that was 3 years ago. I am not trying for more kids. I am just miserable with the PCOS. I weigh 245 now. My biggest depressing thing is that I have started growing a beard. OMG. How devistating. I was just plucking and now I literally have to take a trimmer and shave under my chin. The sides of my face where the baby hairs grow....it's getting worse, too. I trim it with scissors ! I was already shaving my forearms and my big toes. I feel like a FREAK. I have irritation from the shaving sometimes. I also have acne that flares up. My periods are almost non-existant. I am TIRED all the TIME.

I joined Curves gym to try to lose weight. I GAINED !!!! I was barely eating, exercising like crazy every day, and I GAINED !!!!! I did it for 3 months and gained EVERY month. I was bulking UP ! I started to look muscular like a man in my upper arms ! The gals at Curves who would weigh me just didn't know what to say b/c they knew how hard I was working.

My doctor fusses over my weight and then cannot believe me when I tell him that I DON'T EAT A LOT !!!!!!!!!

My doctor put me back on the Metformin XR but I don't tolerate it well. I already have irritable bowel syndrome and the Metformin totally messes me up with diarrhea and awful cramps. I need to get back on it, but I dread it. I am just so depressed right now. I need it. I am insulin resistance. They tell me I will be diabetic if I don't do something. My mom and aunt are already type 2 diabetic. My grandpa was,too.

Tonight I bought all healthy low carb stuff at the grocery store. I am going to try again. I am going to walk every evening with my kids. I just have so little faith left in me that I can do anything about this PCOS. I admit that I am a emotional eater and it's hard with kids around not to eat treats.

Low carb has worked in the past. Here I go again. How can I tell myself that I CAN do it this time ?! I want to be a role model for my kids. I want to live and be HEALTHY ! Doc says PCOS would be better if I lost weight b/c I didn't have many symptoms before when I was a size 10.

PCOS seems like a curse. I pray all the time, but I admit I am weak. If you are religious, can you pray for me, too ? Thanks !!! My kids, my husband, and my God are all that keep me going !!!