How do you know when you are getting ready to go on a binge?
and how do you stop it? The reason I ask is because when I go on a binge I keep binging for months. Until I feel so low I just want to crawl under a rock and die. Then I'll say enough is enough at some point.
I've been binging off and on since April '09. On March 1st of this year I decided enough was enough. I did really well until April 6th, that's when I stopped logging in my food and meals into The Daily Plate. I've gained 20 lbs since then.
I don't know exactly why I stopped logging my food but I remember floundering some a few days prior. Maybe this is why, I remember trying to fool myself with the amount of calories I was consuming. Like one day I would already have used up all my calories and I would tell myself that I could have insert food here and then I could just subtract it from the next days calories and everything would be ok. Or I remember a couple of days I ate a bunch of junk and thought it's alright because I'm still within my daily calorie limit. But I just sabotaged myself because I started craving more junk towards the end of the day.
Actually, I just answered my own question... I said I don't know why I stopped logging my food but I just figured it out. It's because I quit being honest with myself.
Anyway, how do you know when you're getting ready to binge? Does it sneak up on you or are there clues that you recognize? I want to know because I want to prevent this from happening again. How do you revert back to eating right and feeling right again?
I am a recovering anorexic/bulimic. Binges for me have always been completely mindless when they are happening but there are certain things that tip me off to be aware, and in some cases maybe find someone else to talk to about it.
The biggest one is exactly what you wrote about, food logging, if it starts to slip, I will be soon to follow. If my food log is not on track I will either start eating to little or too much very soon If I don't get it back under control. For me all it takes is having a popsicle and not writing it down and I can be in a bad place with my food log.
Next one is stress, thats my binge trigger.As a college student I have to watch myself at the beginning of a term, mid terms and finals. They are very high stress points for me. They knock everything off base. I get to busy to log foods, I don't have the time to exercise, I can't make time to go to church, I have to eat fast food because I am on the run. All completely false by the way, its just my mind making excuses. If I find I am under a lot of stress I literally have to write out every minute of my day for a month or two and make sure I am scheduling time for food logging, exercise, and eating at home, and going to church.
Restriction is a big trigger for that anorexic side of me. I do this A LOT. I say well I am not feeling well so that must mean I can't eat meat ever again, so I take it out of my diet and never replace it, or dairy is making me sick so I have to only eat veggies, and never eat enough, or get the right nutrients. If I start getting to that point where I am giving myself a lot of restrictions its a problem. Usually my husband is the first to notice it and its not that I am doing it because my tummy hurts its because I want the control. Usually it takes a lot to bust out of these, a lot of support is what usually helps correct it.
For me its all about being honest with myself. That anorexic side of me wants control, craves control, so I need to find something else to control. Grades, getting involved with helping someone, anything not related to food. The binge side of me is mindless, eating out of boredom or stress, for no reason what so ever. I need to fill my time and budget my time.
I will always say I am recovering anorexic/bulimic I don't think its something I will ever be cured of completely. You just learn to cope and live healthier. There is no quick fix, there is no one reason it happens or one way to fix it. They are very personal problems.
I can remember times where I would go to the store and buy gallons of ice cream without even realizing it at the time. Its strange. I mean of course I knew I was buying ice cream, but I didn't know I was either. I mindlessly bought it without even thinking.
I pretty much know when I'm about to go on a binge, which are almost always preceded by bouts of discouragement. For instance, I've hit a plateau here lately and I'm having difficulties trying to get my calorie intake right, since this time around I'm exercising. My scale hasn't moved (downward at least) and I've taken to eating in bulk for comfort.
It's really weird - almost like I'm rebelling against...myself. I can almost hear my inner diet devil saying "it's not working, you're not doing it right, just eat the entire cake/pizza/bag of chips/mcdonalds inventory". It's so frustrating, and I usually end up wallowing in self-pity until either I or a coworker gets tired of hearing me complain. Then one of us talks me into pulling myself up by the bootstraps and getting on the next wagon out of Binge City. Each time I have to almost re-train myself on my level of expectations. I'm not a very patient person and I know that I will get discouraged if I don't see results as quickly as I'd like.
Last edited by everanderson; 08-11-2009 at 11:59 PM.
It's really weird - almost like I'm rebelling against...myself.
This is exactly what it is for so many people. Its not working, so I might as well stop. Rebelling against what you know in your mind will work, because it seems like its not working right now.
I agree with the rebellion thing. I started gaining weight in high school. I was always a good kid, good student, no drugs or drinking, good friends, all clean fun. But my mother always nagged me about food and what I was eating. Sometimes I wonder if eating and gaining weight was a form of rebellion against her. Not sure.
I am sure that I'm rebelling against myself though.
For me, regarding the kind of binge you're talking about (not just one day, then forgive yourself, but falling off for months), it happens when I start to get busy during the school year, I'm too stressed to cook healthy meals. I'll say to myself "you're tired, you're stressed, you can just have this mac and cheese for dinner today, and get healthy again tomorrow". But then I'll the tired and stressed the next day, and the next, and the next, and I stop logging my calories because I know they're off the charts, and suddenly I "wake up" and it's summer again.
I know I'm about to go on a binge when intellectually, I know there's no reason for me to be hungry but I get that bottomless pit stomach feeling. Like if I just ate a meal and 5 minutes later, I want to eat something else, that's my trigger that my binge is about to start.
How to Stop:
1.) Come on 3FC and announce it to the world. My whole bingeing behaviour was all very secret-secret. Like I would never be with friends and eat a half-gallon of ice-cream or just eat, eat, eat. No, it's something I'd do in private. There are so many people here who are wonderful and encouraging and will talk you down from the edge anytime.
2.) I write down everything I eat before I eat it. Immediately I open my fridge, I am prepared to log whatever I take out. My theory is if you're about to binge, at least know you're doing it, at least savor the taste. Because binges in the past for me have been mindless. Like its not a matter of hunger, its just mindless and to me, it's scary to be so out of control that you don't know what you're doing. So I write down that yes, Toasted, you're about to knowingly down 1800 calories of ice-cream in addition to your daily normal consumption; there's nothing like seeing that big number especially when you have a specific calorie target for the day.
3.) I don't keep any "bad" convenience food in my home or any of my pre-diet/plan favourite binge items. So if I'm going to eat something, I'm going to have to take the time to prepare it, which gives me a little more time to snap out of it.
4.) The slippery slope into bingeing for months happens when you give up on yourself and that comes with a lot of self-loathing which makes the bingeing even worse. I know for me it does. I think half the battle is picking yourself up. Take each day as an individual day and don't let yesterday be an excuse for today or tomorrow. I've had a few urges and then I come here and I look at the success stories and I'm like this is what I want. I want this more than I want anything else and it's still hard to not go to that dark place.
Last edited by toastedsmoke; 08-13-2009 at 01:07 AM.
How do you know when you are getting ready to go on a binge?
Then one of us talks me into pulling myself up by the bootstraps and getting on the next wagon out of Binge City. Each time I have to almost re-train myself on my level of expectations. I'm not a very patient person and I know that I will get discouraged if I don't see results as quickly as I'd like.
