Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress. Stress.

-breathes- I am so incredibly stupid. My way of dealing with stress is just to ignore it and go about doing my own lil damned thing.. Why the **** am I so stupid? In June, I missed 10/20 days.. I didn't go to classes today.. and I missed a math exam.. and a review.. and an assignment.. and last week I missed 4 quizzes.. And I'll never catch up on time.. I'm going to fail and over $10k in student loans is going to be gone to waste.. and what for? Because I was afraid of school.. afraid of stress.. god, I'm so stupid.

I seriously think I need to be medicated. Or institutionalized. My life is so screwed.. I have a stepmother that hates me.. that I only wish would LIKE me b/c I try so hard to like her.. I have all this residue from past friend/relation-ships that have ended that I just can't seem to come to terms with that it's over. I have $0.69 in my bank account. My mother ignores me. My brother's an idiot. I miss my dog that's been dead for three years. I can't get a job. I'm so *******ed scared of independence that it chokes me into seclusion. I'm scared to go outside when it's light out..

I'm 290 lbs of grotesque cellulite-ridden flesh. I can't care. The reason I'm half-insane right now is b/c I care too much of what other people think, or refuse to see, or think they see when it comes to me.

If I wasn't so worried that the kids I go to school with think I'm a fat slob, then I'd probably be there every day 9am-5pm, you know that? I feel like they're always staring at me.. saying "So.. she owns 5 pairs of pants, it's no wonder. Do they make sizes to cover those godawful thighs?"

I don't know what to do.. I'm going insane.. or I am already.. or something.

{{{{{HUGS}}}}}
I"m a SAHM. I usually just check down tho to see what's new on support. It sounded like you needed a hug. I'm so sorry you are going thru all this Hun. But man according to your sig you are doing fantastic with your weight loss. Heck with the other people. Keep up the great work and you will be 150# in no time.
Sorry I'm really no help at all but I thought I'd give it a shot.
Good luck.

Oh and if that is you in your atavar you are beautiful.

You are beautiful and you look sort of witty, contemplative and very intelligent. I'd be willing to bet you are working through this stressful time very well and things are going to be looking much better soon.

That said, I feel my usual need to give advice (which I know you didn't ask for) about making sure you are talking through these problems with someone objective (and in person) such as a physician, minister, counselor, relative, friend, and probably a good place to start would be your advisor at school.

I'm so sorry you're feeling so down right now. I really recognized a lot of myself from the past in your post and believe me, life gets better. You just need to talk it out and go and get the help you need to feel better and get back on track. Sometimes we just have to let things go ... the failed classes, the problems with relatives, the weight issues, and just breathe, take hold and get back to where we know we should be so we can start again.

Whether you or I or anyone ultimately succeeds or copes or whatever is up to us ... but sometimes we need someone to listen to us and help sort it out.

Feel better, I am certain that you have what it takes. Congratulations on your weight loss. Please stop referring to yourself in negative terms as you have no reason to do that!!! Ok?

I'll shut up and go to bed now.

Oh, Sara...now you listen to me, dear....first of all, I KNOW you are a wonderful person because you come from The Rock. As a native Cape Bretoner I know that Canadian east coast inhabitants are the BEST people roaming this earth. I'd bet you a dollar you'd do just anything for anyone who needed it, such is the heart of an Islander. And you wouldn't stand to hear a friend talk about herself the way you have about yourself, right? You are NOT grotesque. You are beautiful, inside AND out. So you just stop that.

Okay, school is overwhelming you. You need to decide if you want the degree you've worked towards so far, or do you want to be stuck paying off a loan (for about the next 10 years!) and not have anything to show for it. I know you want to succeed, so you need to meet with your professors and find out what you have to do to make that happen. Talk to a counsellor at school and tell them you need their assistance in making this happen. Do it tomorrow. Pick up the phone and call for an appointment.

As hard as it might be, you have let go of the negativity surrounding your step-mother/mother/brother. You can't make them change. You can tell them how you feel about your relationships, and let them decide if they are willing to make a change to mend things with you, but if they don't you have to accept it and move on. I know it isn't as easy as it sounds, believe me. But you have to ask yourself, "Can I make them change?" No, you can't. "Can I say my peace and get it all out there and let them deal with it while I go about getting on with my life?" Absolutely. You have to look out for Number One for a change. Life is just too short to wait for others to do the right thing.

You know, I've always been one to think that people look at me and don't see me, or that I might look nice that day, or that I have pretty eyes, or whatever....I assume they look at me and think "she needs to lose 30lbs". If a guy stared in my direction, I assumed he was looking at someone behind me because he certainly wouldn't be interested in me. You know what? I was wrong. We are much more critical of ourselves than other people are. It might surprise you, but most people see us and accept us as we are, even if we don't ourselves.

You need to focus on you, on catching up in school, attending class, then getting that job you've worked for, and the rest of the world be damned! The only person who can do this for you is you. Make a list of things you need to do and tackle it one at a time so it isn't so overwhelming.

If you feel that your weight is a major obstacle in your life, just paying attention to what you're eating, keeping a food journal, and getting out for a quick walk will do wonders for your attitude! Pretty soon you'll start thinking, "So I'm not at the weight I want to be, but I'm working on it, getting healthy in the process, and someday I'll get there."

You can do this. You're worth it. I have faith in you.

I hope you're feeling better today. If you'd like to e-mail me, feel free. Hang in there, luv.

Hang in the , sweetie , and don't be so hard on yourself. You do need to go to school but I understand your feeling like people are looking at you or talking about you. I feel the same way sometimes. But really that is probably just us. And if it isn't, so what? Who are they to judge us? We all have problems. Some peoples are just more visable than others.

I am wondering though.....Why do you think they care how many pairs of pants you have and why would that matter anyway? I didn't quite follow you there and I was just wondering.

You are doing great with your weight loss. Keep up the good work!

Sara,
It's been a while since your original post...are you OK? Please check in and let us know what's happening with you. We (I think I can safely speak for all those who responded to your post) do care and are concerned for your well being.

Sometimes, I think, when everything in our lives seems to suck, I think it's best to stop and consider what you have control over and can change and what you have absolutely no control over...and learn to let it go. Concentrate on the smallest thing that will make you feel better and go from there...baby steps will get you there.

God grant me the serenity
to accept the things I cannot change,
change the things I can,
and the wisdom to know the difference.

Please consider seeing a counselor or your physician, you may benefit from a course of medication...an antidepressent to help you get through this funk and be able to sort things out.

I wish there was more I could say, I hope to see you post again...you will find nothing but acceptance here...come back and see us.

Take care.

Oh Sara, sweetie. Everyone here cares. We know what its like, you really need to talk to someone like a counselor. Every one of us has been there at one time or another.

What are you studying. Can I help? It took me 6 years and over $10,000 to get my master's degree..I understand stress. You are not Stupid, stupid people don't cry for help, stupid people think they can do it all on their own.

I understand that your family isn't supportive, but you got to believe that some people (like us) have to create our own families. Those families can be better because we get to choose.

You're not insane, listen--I've got as much weight to lose as you do. Plus, I understand how terrifying things are where you're at. I'll tell you more about that once we help you--you're at a breaking point and need an ear. I'd be happy adopt you if you let me as a friend and a sister.

But whatever you decide-let these wonderful people, who really care about you-know you're ok. OK???
Cheryl