Right now I'm finding it very annoying to have to stop eating Sour Skittles in order to compose this post.
I am not overweight, but am not thin either.
My diet consists of several sodas a day, candy every evening, cakes and cookies during the day, pastas, pizza, bagels with cream cheese, and maybe a wrap. Sometimes a vegetable or piece of fruit but those are fewer and further between.
Every time I clean my room I turn it into a disaster area (I mean, utter complete disaster) with a day or two.
I'm obsessed with having new things, and because of that, every time something new of mine becomes scratched I feel I HAVE to buy a new one. Right now I want to buy a new laptop even though I've only had this one for 4 1/2 months (and my mom gave it to me for Christmas) just because the casing has some scratches now.
I am always, constantly, spending money. I go through it very quickly as if I don't know what it means to save. And I don't even have much money... I have a part time work study job at my school. Once I was given 1,000 dollars from my grandma and $300 from my dad as graduation gifts. I spent the full 1,300 within one week. I honestly only remember 2 things that I bought with that money.
I use food and other types of entertainment as an escape. When I grab some candy for example, it makes me feel like I don't have to worry about anything while I'm eating it. Once the candy is gone, or once the money is gone, it's time to get back to reality and accept that I actually have to do something with myself.
SO....
For me, this weight thing is definitely an extension of my personality. It's hard to know where to start...
I can relate perfectly to almost all of this, though I don't generally buy a lot of new things (other than food). But I used to eat what I wanted whenever I wanted it, mostly unhealthy foods, and I have the hardest time keeping anything clean. I have my own apartment, and the only reason why it isn't buried in clothes and food and trash is because my boyfriend lives here too. Still, I have a closet piled several feet high with junk I can't get to, a laundry room full of heaps of clothes (because they can't fit in the closet!), and a kitchen that's always covered in stains and trash even though I try to clean it every day.
I could be wrong, but I think our problem is mostly about impulse control. I know it's nearly impossible for me to resist doing just what I want right when I want it. I'm going to walk past my favorite fast food place tomorrow, and even though I have no money and need to lose weight, I'd bet you anything I'll walk in and sit down to eat.
I wish I could give you an answer - I have one small tip that might help, though. Whenever I do get anything done, it's because I'm focusing on one thing at a time. I can't just tell myself that tomorrow I'm going to clean the apartment, eat healthy, exercise, and finish my overdue homework. Instead, I have to decide that tomorrow I will eat fruit for breakfast and have a vegetable with dinner. Then after I've done that for a week, I'll decide to cut out soda, and so on until I see progress. After I've gotten myself on a healthy eating plan, then I'll decide that the next day I'll start on the homework. It's the only thing that has ever really worked for me, and it's so hard because I'm impatient, too. I want to see results, but that's how I ended up alternately starving myself and binging and gaining pounds of fat in the process.
Sorry to write so much, but I do wish you the best of luck. I'm hoping the key is to stick around here and get support - it's a lot easier when others are counting on you to do your best!
That sounds exactly like my diet for most of my life until recently. It is so hard to change habits that seem like that have become a part of you... it's hard to tell when something is integral to your personality or when you have just done it for so long that it seems that way. Recognizing that you want to change is the first step, and I'm glad you've decided to make it! Good luck, and keep posting here... a community of people who understand you makes the journey much more bearable!
A Profile of Me
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