Today I started evaluating what my days have been since I left my bathroom scale behind at my old house. I'm going back there on Friday for a few more things and so I'm thinking about my options now.
I have to say, the first couple of days were like an overindulgent free fall. I didn't have my scale to tangibly remind me what I was shooting for. I stopped wearing my GWF armband to remind me how much I had/hadn't exercised. I was very busy with a million other things, so my head was definitely not in the game. I did manage to record what I ate at the end of every day. I went from 3200 calories to 2400 calories to 2200 calories. As of today at 4 p.m., I'm at 1600 calories. I know I'm going to eat a little more this evening, but I'll try to take in more water in the form of hot cinnamon spice tea. I am keeping up with my water.
I think the biggest reminder to get my head back in the game was that old feeling of extra padding in my inner thighs. It's where I gain it first, where I feel it first. I hate that feeling! I haven't felt it in over a year, and there it was after a few days of overindulgence. It really freaked me out!
Today I decided to go back to eating only when hungry, stopping when satisfied, and tracking the calories. I've done pretty well with it today, so far. The hard part will be this evening, when I get the munchies. I make my stupidest choices between 3 and 7 p.m.
I think I'm going to be okay without the scale (I'm the eternal optimist). I need to work more on managing stress. I don't want to fall back into old stress management habits that involve food. I guess I can look at my recent life challenges as HUGE opportunities to practice stress management techniques.
I get them everyday now, between my parents (who today were fighting over a new TV and tried to get me to take sides) and my husband (who told me today that he hired a lawyer last week to file for divorce). My knee-jerk reaction is to cry, scream and eat until I can't feel anything anymore. What I can do instead is to sit with my feelings and go ahead and experience them, then accept that things are what they are, that I only have control over my actions in the situation, and leave their garbage at their feet. I don't have to be reactive to their stupidity. Their actions are about them, not me.
And then, I can move on to do something that helps me feel good about myself and the choices I'm making...and suddenly, I'm feeling better. And I want to do something productive!
What I can do instead is to sit with my feelings and go ahead and experience them, then accept that things are what they are, that I only have control over my actions in the situation, and leave their garbage at their feet.
Yes! Yes! That is exactly right!! Keep that attitude and you will FLOW through this.
DC, it's so hard to remain in that frame of mind. But there's an endless supply of opportunities to practice, right?
I have a CD set and workbook from The Solution Method. I never got past the first CD, but I learned so much from just that about 10 years ago. I still have it, but it's with all my stuff in Kazakhstan. Maybe my husband will find it and try it out so he can get over his porn addiction...but I digress.
I recently looked at the Solution Method website and am going to order their new kit called Wired for Joy. You can listen to an hour-long explanation of the method and the research that went into it at http://www.thepathway.org/overview_dst.asp. It's all sciency and technical, but I found it very interesting.
I love the idea that I can retrain my brain away from ineffective reactions to stress to developing skills that keep me emotionally balanced and well-differentiated from those around me. And keeps me going back to exercise and keeps me away from overeating.
Well, I caved and got back on the scale, but I think it was a good thing. I was served divorce papers this week, which sent me into an emotional tailspin. And I'm one of those "feed a cold, feed a fever, and feed all the emotions" sort of people. It took me being "brave" and acknowledging the poor choices I'd been making and facing the consequences. And that's why I chose to get on the scale again yesterday morning...and I had gained ten pounds. Now I know this is a combination of overeating, sodium, water retention as a result of poor diet choices and not drinking enough water, avoiding exercise due to lethargy and depression (sometimes I feel bipolar).
Seeing that number got my head back in the game. I did bring the scale back to the new house. I haven't decided if I'm going to step on it every morning, but I did get back on it again this morning and had lost 2 lbs. I'm not one to weigh myself several times a day. I think it's more of an act that supports personal accountability, which is important for my success.
I may stay with the scale until I'm back down to 308. And then I can stow that thing and try again. Barring any more significant life events.
Thank you, Heather. And all who've been so supportive over the last few weeks. This really is a great forum.
I weighed myself out of old habit this morning. What was I thinking. My TOM started yesterday, so of course I'm bloated. I didn't need the scale to tell me that! I'm putting it away for the week and am just concentrating on drinking water, eating veggies, and avoiding sugar and salt.
I really don't feel like bouncing on my Fitball today, but I am sitting on it while working on the computer. I do feel my abs and core more engaged while I'm on it.
I went six days without weighing myself, and I was cool with it! I put the scale in the other bathroom upstairs, so it was there if I felt the need, but out of sight. For a day or so, it called to me it's siren song, but then I got over it and we're good!
I did weigh in this morning. Down six pounds from the regain, so I'm on the right track. All I've been doing is counting calories (1800/day) and counting carbs (between 125g and 150g).
Walking away from the scale - a little diary
