[katiejo]

Does anyone else have friends that weigh less but complain about their weight constantly? I don't want to be competitive, I just want to be healthy! My bff and I are about 20 lbs different, but she is taller so she looks much thinner. She is constantly complaining about having to work out and eat right, but when we go out, she wants dessert and cookies, etc. She gets upset if I decline. I just need support but she doesn't understand. If I tell her I'm watching my weight, she says she totally understands and feels the same way. There is no way! Any advice?

[girlpiggy]

I had a friend that did the same thing. She went to the doctor and got really sad for a couple days when she found out her weight. She always complains about her weight, but when we went out she always wanted desserts, etc.

I recently stopped talking to her because she just brought me down too much (not just for losing weight, but in other things as well). I would mention losing weight and she would say "Oh great idea! Let's go for a walk and then go get some ice cream!" She was always really comfortable around me because we were the "two fat girls" and we were each others security blankets. She always got kinda upset when I made past attempts at losing weight because she didn't want to be by herself. Her weight isn't my problem but she tried to make it my problem.

I'm the same as you though. I don't care about looking skinny or being able to model a size 2 pair of jeans. I just want to be healthy.

[bargoo]

I find it best not to discuss diet with friends or relatives. It usually cause nothing but frustration and annoyance. You could try just saying you are trying to eat healthy and change the subject.

[Amy8888]

This is tricky, it sounds like her comments could be caused by any number of things.

1) She is trying to be empathetic and helpful, but it is not coming across that way.

2) She might really be that down on herself, even if you don't see why. Remember that just about everyone has body concerns, even if they don't seem to you to need to be concerned.

3) She could be deliberately trying to undermine you.

I'm sure there are other options and many in between these three, but it's hard to tell based on your post what her motivations may be. I know I would get upset with someone who said we were the "two fat girls" as girlpiggy described, even if the intention was to create a stronger bond. I think that's what it comes down to...how you are feeling about her comments. I think the next time she makes some comment like that, take a deep breath and tell her how it makes you feel. It's not really your place to get upset with her when she eats cookies, but you can tell her how you feel when she tries to guilt you into eating one too. Maybe try to be a positive influence on her?

"You know how hard it is for me to stay on a diet, and that my diet plans can get completely derailed if I have even one cookie. I always feel so guilty if I eat a cookie anyway, that it's best to just not eat one. But if you don't feel guilty then feel free to eat the cookies, you can enjoy them even if I don't eat any." Or something like that. Have something ready to say when it comes up again. Eventually she might get the message.

Maybe propose a little friendly weight loss competition...Biggest Loser Style? One would have to buy the other lunch after a month, whoever has lost the largest percentage of weight? This would cause you to both focus on weight loss plans.

Finally, if you feel she is purposefully trying to undermine your weight loss attempts or put you down, that is not something you need in your life. If that's the case, I'd dump her.

[paperSkin]

I have people in my life like this.. it drives me crazy.. the wives of some of my husbands friends can talk for hours about how they have to lose weight and they weigh maybe a buck 20! I dread having to go to those dinner parties. It's literally like being the elephant in the room.

[MaryEllen]

Your friend probably genuinely does feel the same way as you, in terms of watching her weight. She's probably also trying to be supportive. But in any event she's clearly not happy with herself either. Maybe she feels like she "needs" the dessert and wants you to need it with her like before? Maybe she's jealous you're doing well?

[lizziep]

I used to have a friend that was ultra skinny who used to complain about her weight. She was- like skinny fat, you know she's skinny but she's all jiggly and not-tone - meanwhile I was starting to get chubby at the time. Every time she complained about being fat i'd just ask her "what do you think of me?" and that'd shut her down.

now that i'm as fat as i am when skinny people complain about being fat i just tell them not to complain unless they have to come borrow my clothes- then we'll talk.

i'm sure they don't mean to be insensitive most of them anyway- but still sometimes it stings and i'm compelled to sting back a little. not very mature, i know.

[cammieb]

Oh dear. Seems like we all know people like that. I have a friend like that too. She's about 2 inches shorter than me and talks about how she needs to lose weight. She's 111. She actually is on a diet though so maybe it's not completely the same. It's still strange though. Kind of like well if you're fat, than what am I?

[my3monthchallenge]

I had several high school girl friends who were like that all the time, skinny girls of about 100~110 pounds (5'2" ~ 5'3" range) who'd constantly be complaining about their bodies in front of the bathroom mirror, pinching their own stomache fat, complaining about their legs and thighs etc. while I was the biggest one in the group weighing about 170 lbs at the time. It was a pain in the butt and I didn't know how to deal with them back then.

If it was a bff now, I'd probably explain to her my diet and motivations, once, and ask her to at least try to be supportive. Anything unsupportive she does after that I'd just roll my eyes at her and ignore her, until she finally gets my point.

[stellart]

idk, everyone has issues with their bodies regardless of size. i have horrible body image and i critique myself in a bad way, picking apart every imperfection. but i rarely regard anyone else's body.

[amy180]

Originally Posted by stellart

idk, everyone has issues with their bodies regardless of size. i have horrible body image and i critique myself in a bad way, picking apart every imperfection. but i rarely regard anyone else's body.

Agreed. People tend to be much harder on themselves.

But at the same time, I have a friend who weighs HALF my HW. Half. She complains about being fat, which drives me up the wall. I weigh twice as much as her and am shorter!