Ok I just need to vent a little bit so that I don't explode all over him today (it's TOM so that's very likely to happen if I don't vent)
Last night when I came home from work I asked my bf if he would wash some towels and the puppies stuff while I cleaned and he said yes. I cleaned and took a shower and came out....laundry still sitting where it was I let it go last night
Then I went to bed and he came in and I asked if he could get me something from upstairs (he was not in bed and not coming to bed for another 15-20 he said) and he said "No"
This morning (start of TOM might I add) he asked me to go out in the cold and start his truck and I gave him a look he said "Please I love you" and I told him "remember last night when I asked you to do the laundry and go get me something from upstairs what did you say....no i believe" and you know what he told me...."I'll go get it now" I said "It's too late because I'm going upstairs to start your d*** truck so I'll get what I need" .....That shut him up and then I barely spoke to him after. He could tell he had done wrong.
But then.....yeah he was worse.....he asked if i was going to do the laundry today while he was at work (i work also as a social worker, I am just working from home today because the internet is down in the office) I nearly screamed, but I ket calm and said "I thought you said you were going to do it last night....remember? Doesn't the house look nice from where I cleaned it?"
I could've thrown a....well anything....at his head..Now I love my bf very much and generally he is considerate, but sometimes he needs to be reminded that there are things he needs to do for me too.
Thanks for listening, just needed to complain a little.....before I smacked my boyfriend upside the head
This morning (start of TOM might I add) he asked me to go out in the cold and start his truck and I gave him a look he said "Please I love you" and I told him "remember last night when I asked you to do the laundry and go get me something from upstairs what did you say....no i believe" and you know what he told me...."I'll go get it now" I said "It's too late because I'm going upstairs to start your d*** truck so I'll get what I need" .....That shut him up and then I barely spoke to him after. He could tell he had done wrong.
I would have LAUGHED at DH if he asked me to do something like that. I do not mind taking care of the house (I'm unemployed at the moment), doing his laundry, walking the dog, etc... he works very hard and this is how I contribute. However, the only thing he is asked to do as a regular "chore" is the garbage. And I have to ask... every. single. time. Why can't he just take out the garbage when it's overflowing? I don't understand.
I also think he's just very unobservant as men tend to be. For example, I buy the cheap brown rice that comes in a bag. He was at the grocery store last night and comes home with this elaborate looking package of microwaveable rice that was probably 3 times as expensive. I mean, it doesn't bother me what kind he got, rice is rice, but he's been here long enough to know what kind of rice we use
Oh, and he TOTALLY does that thing where I'll ask him to do something like unload the dishwasher and he'll "forget" until I notice and give him "the look", but by then it's bed time and he's conveniently off the hook.
Junebug - I was sitting here nodding my head as I read your post. I completely commiserate with what you were saying.
I ask Dbf to take the trash out and 3 hrs later it's still sitting there....instead of constantly nagging, I just do it and he tells me he was gonna do it One day I was watching Dr. Phil and he had a person on there that said if I want the place clean a certain way and he's not as picky then I shouldn't nag when he doesn't do something my way I should just do it how it pleases me. That makes sense to me, but c'mon. I do remind him of it though....he's not getting off that easy. He will be getting me dinner tonight.
I don't know how men don't realize the things that you buy when you buy them every single time. It amazes me. We will go through the store together sometimes and he'll ask if thats the brand of ketchup we buy or this or that. First, it doesn't matter, but I don't switch up stuff that often. He's actually asked me while in the store to go get stuff because he doesn't know what we buy....it'll even be stuff only he eats....still no clue.
I can generally laugh about most of it, but last night I was just crabby and he was not listening
Dbf does get a look though and everytime he gives me this innocent puppy dog face and asks "what?" i just laugh and shake my head I don't know what to do with him half of the time
I don't think people ask for things like *you* going out to warm *his* truck unless they get away with it. I consider getting mad but doing it anyway to be getting away with it. You just have to laugh at the absurdity and say no, implying he couldn't possibly have meant what he just said. Likewise, he didn't do the laundry because he knows (consciously or subconsciously) that he can wait and get you to go ahead and do it anyway. You might get mad, but you'll get over it and eventually do it for him.
I also think he's just very unobservant as men tend to be. For example, I buy the cheap brown rice that comes in a bag. He was at the grocery store last night and comes home with this elaborate looking package of microwaveable rice that was probably 3 times as expensive.
I ask Dbf to take the trash out and 3 hrs later it's still sitting there....instead of constantly nagging, I just do it and he tells me he was gonna do it One day I was watching Dr. Phil and he had a person on there that said if I want the place clean a certain way and he's not as picky then I shouldn't nag when he doesn't do something my way I should just do it how it pleases me.
This is EXACTLY why I blame his mother. She ran a daycare out of their home and is incredibly picky with how things are done in her house. His dad is a "maybe if I just sit really still she'll sniff me and move along" kind of guy- very timid, so his mom ran that household. She never let DH do anything because she's so specific that she would notice him not doing it "her" way and then he was off the hook from doing it ever again. This worked really well in getting him off the hook to do things.
Don't get me wrong, DH is a wonderful, decent and good man, but his mom messed up with this one. When we met, he had boxes as bookshelves, Transformer bedsheets, and had never cleaned his bathroom because he thought they were self cleaning. Oh, and he was 26 and totally on his own and an architect. In other words, he was a grown up.
Don't even get me started on when he washed his brand new dark blue boxers with my brand new, 600 count white bed sheets. We still don't discuss "the incident".
Should I have boys, I refuse to let them leave my house in that state.
Sometimes it helps to throw something at their head j/k
Be a bit more blunt though next time you need him to do something...ask but let their be no wiggle room for him...like if he tells you no about something little I sure as heck would not go outside for him to start his truck.
He was at the grocery store last night and comes home with this elaborate looking package of microwaveable rice that was probably 3 times as expensive.
LOL. My bf has been eating the same generic Kroger chicken nuggets for months. Every other night he takes the package out of the fridge, counts out his nuggets onto the cookie sheet and bakes them. Last week we were at the grocery store and I realized I forgot to pick up replacement nuggets--I asked him to please grab a bag while I loaded stuff onto the belt. He came back with a fancy Tyson bag with half the nuggets for twice the price: completely different color, shape, everything. Not knowing what a product I use looks like is one thing; but you would think he could recognize what the heck he's been eating all this time
He also doesn't do any chores around the apartment, but since it's only us in a one bedroom I don't mind too much. The only chore he promised to do was take out the trash--hasn't done it for about a year now. He insists he doesn't mind taking it outside, but taking it out of the trashcan itself is too bothersome, and if I'd take it out and tie it up for him he'd be more than willing to do the rest
I started his truck only because I knew it would be very helpful and I didn't want to be hateful However, the only laundry getting done today is mine and my puppies. He can do his own dang laundry.
Generally speaking he is very good about things, but the thing that irks me the most is when he doesn't listen. He will pretend and I can see by the look in his eye that there is nothing actually getting through so I ask follow up questions. 3 years later and it still irks me at times
I do have to say that a few weeks ago he came to me when I was watching TV and said I want you to know that I appreciate everything you do for me and around here and kissed me. Could've knocked me straight outta my chair
I do agree that smacking him does sometimes helps
junebug- i feel for you - my dbf isn't that bad...he definately wasn't waited on hand and foot...he lives on a farm so had to help A LOT!
i love my bf but....
I let it go last night
your bf. but it won't help. men are just the way they are... *sigh* haha
