so i live far away from family, for the last four months, and this is my first time back. and i've realized coming back here, how unhealthy they all are to my physical and mental health.
my mom and sister all commented on my weight loss and how skinny i look, how they are worried about me. they are concerned that i'm not eating. they think i'm "obsessed" with weight loss, they worry that i have an eating disorder. they are so discouraging.
my mom was asking if i would eat meat for xmas dinner. she asked if it would make me sick, then said "i've seen the way you eat when you have something you like you haven't eaten in a while"
my sister said "i think there's more to life than trying to be thin." she says she'd "rather enjoy what she eats than be so obsessed with some ridiculous goal"
my father on the other hand, says "i've seen you put away huge amounts of calories before." when commenting on my weight loss food plan. the other day, when i was eating a big salad (!?) almost half eaten, he says "wow, i can't believe you put all that way"
keep in mind, my mother and sister are both very overweight, my mother doesn't exercise at all, and my sister does only a little, sometimes.
my father has always been into fitness, but more so weight lifting, and bulking up. he still lifts now, but his eating is very unhealthy. one huge meal late at night, massive calories and usually hamburgers, lots of saturated fats.
I just have to say that most of that probably stems from jealousy. I have friends who, when I lost 30 lbs in 1997, would say the same things! "Oh, there's more to life than worrying about your weight. I'd rather eat (ie: pig out) than feel deprived all the time and enjoy life". Yeah...um, let's see who's HEALTHIER though. Who will enjoy life LONGER. Weight loss is a side effect of my new WOE...not the main goal. The main goal is to get healthier so I can do all the things that make me enjoy life. Also, with comments like that I realize that they know NOTHING about my WOE because I can pretty much have anything I want as long as I read the food labels or modify a recipe.
You have a lot to be proud of. Don't let them get you down. They probably feel like they need to do the same thing but don't have the willpower to do it and don't want to look like a failure in comparison to you.
My mom and some of my family members are the same way. But i think i know better than they do about my body,And im no where near an unhealthy BMI you should tell your family that you are not either.
I have the same issues with my family Stellart, its really unnerving to see my family eat these huge amounts of food. I feel guilty for not eating like them sometimes. One of my sisters will go out of her way to be detrimental to my new healthy lifestyle i.e. drink all the skim milk and leave the gallon of 2% alone, make foods that she knows I "can't" eat. The other one wants to lose weight but just hasn't gotten to the place where she is fed up with being overweight and how unhealthy it is. My dad wants to congratulate me but be backhanded about it. Saying things like "well congrats on losing the weight but if you didn't eat so much start with you wouldn't be as fat as you are now." He is the pot calling the kettle black, it makes my stomach turn some of the stuff he eats. My mom is sort of the silent observer of it all. She congratulates me but doesn't do anything specifically to help me in my new lifestyle either.
But hooray we have 3FC to find supportive people in our dieting/healthy living. Even if we are not blood we sure can encourage and lift up anyone who is having one of those diet days and celebrate the achievements of weight loss.
When you reach a place in life where you can no longer be pigeon-holed by family or those that "knew you when" it makes them very uncomfortable. They don't know the work you've been through--internally and externally, they don't know what you are experiencing--internally and externally. In some ways they don't know you at all. My family (the family that raised me) are all obese. I am glad to not be part of that self-sabotaging game anymore--a place where it is fun to put down others because of ones's own insecurities.
I am ecstatic about my change and I know you are too. Remember who you are and be true to yourself. You will come through fine.
stellart--wow, your sister sounds like she is WAY jealous...yeah, she's right..eating is definitely more important and satisfying than feeling good about your body and your choices.
Last edited by Thighs Be Gone; 12-24-2008 at 02:56 PM.
Mostly my very thin family is just pissed off because they cant pick at me for being the fat one anymore. And there's really nothing really else left to be teased about!
oh man, they are all sad ppl. so here it is, xmas eve, everyone hates each other. i'm glad that i dont live here anymore. i can see how you get sucked into this terrible way of life.
earlier, the family was discussing going to a movie together, and how we would all fit in the car. (5 ppl) my stepdad said, "we need the skinny ppl in the back, we stellart and rich (sister's bf) are skinny, but what about the rest of us. and my sister got offended. rightfully so. i mean granted he was talking about himself and my mother too, but why would you even say anything like that.
so my sister was upset that he called her fat. and he was mad bc she is "too senstive" and if she doesn't like being fat then she should do something about it. wow. that was all i could think. wow.
oh man, they are all sad ppl. so here it is, xmas eve, everyone hates each other. i'm glad that i dont live here anymore. i can see how you get sucked into this terrible way of life.
earlier, the family was discussing going to a movie together, and how we would all fit in the car. (5 ppl) my stepdad said, "we need the skinny ppl in the back, we stellart and rich (sister's bf) are skinny, but what about the rest of us. and my sister got offended. rightfully so. i mean granted he was talking about himself and my mother too, but why would you even say anything like that.
so my sister was upset that he called her fat. and he was mad bc she is "too senstive" and if she doesn't like being fat then she should do something about it. wow. that was all i could think. wow.
Wow, are you sure we are not related? That sounds like something that my family would go through. The only problem I have I am still in the middle of everything, I am not financially able to move out right now and I am paying for it in every way possible.
ok, update... since i've been noticing all these odd behaviors of my family.
i watched a movie with my mother and stepdad tonight, and watched them consume all these snacks. they ate peanuts, butter toffee peanuts, chips with salsa, chocolates, baked ziti.
now, that to me, is what i consider a binge. something that i feel massive guilt for doing. but to them it seemed normal, like it was no big deal. something they do all the time even.
maybe i can be positive about this trip home, and maybe it'll allow me to conquer some of these poor eating habits i've learned throughout life.
omg i think we can all relate. i just had some family over to play monopoly and my sister wanted chocolate cake <keep in mind she's a good 60 lbs overweight easy maybe more> so at walmart this morning i had bought the betty crocker low-fat brownies. i substitute egg beaters for the eggs and apple sauce for the oil and they come out to about 120 cals for one. so my brother in law, husband, AND sister were going on and on about how good they were. and i said good i was kind of worried b/c they're low fat that ya'll wouldn't like them my sister got so pissy b/c i made low fat brownies. omg i cut calories and she liked them but how dare i trick her into making a healthy choice. wait til breakfast in the morning i'm using egg beaters and whole wheat bread for the french toast with low-cal syrup and turkey sausage. :> i will make her talk about how good everything is before i tell her though.
seriously, my family is crazy and crazy unhealthy. i made pancakes this morning. they were flax meal, oatmeal, banana pancakes and everyone raved about how good they were. then for dinner i made a vegetable egg and cheese casserole that was relatively healthy. everyone raved about how good everything was before i told them it was made healthy. they seemed so shocked that anything healthy could be tasty.
we went to a movie today, and they all had to eat popcorn and huge sodas. my mother brought the remaining popcorn home. and then proceeded to eat it in the car on the way home. why are they always eating. that's what i don't understand.
i went for a run today. and everyone looked at me like i was insane. bc i went running. it was xmas day, but still. it was beautiful outside. relatively warm, and residual snow outside, it was just perfect for running outside. and no one could see how beautiful that was, but me.
where am i right now??
side note: after dinner, everyone gave this huge breath, bc they ate so much, and i just couldn't help but think of how many times i've been there.
but today, i ate just enough. to where i wasn't hungry anymore. not even full or stuffed, or anything like that. i was just not hungry anymore. it was a great feeling.
Whoever said it makes others who 'knew you when' uncomfortable when you claim your life and get healthy is so right. OMG people start finding something 'wrong' with what you do. Either you are walking too much on the treadmill and will hurt your knees, or 'eating just today off plan won't matter' comments. It's unnerving how much energy people put into trying to stop you from doing well for yourself when all along THEY were the ones commenting on how you waddle when you walk or how you are hurting your heart and other organs by being so overweight. It's just unreal. It's like a social experiment, watching it all happen, seeing how people react to it all. Annoying as can be but quite funny, when you think about it.
i had an epiphany... i think they make all these comments about how i'm "too skinny", they are "worried about me", etc....
bc deep down, they wish they could be me, in the sense to do something about it.
also, they are constantly surrounded in their fat lazy lifestyle, they dont realize that there's ppl that exercise everyday. there's people that enjoy eating healthy. there's ppl that dont feel deprived without eating fast food, etc. they dont understand the sense of accomplishment i get from running 3 miles. and worse, they don't even realize how unhealthy they are. they dont even realize that i'm still overweight. i'm not even close to "skinny" yet.
I think we were all at that point in our lives before.. Thats why we are all here because we awoken from it and i guess your family just needs to be sick of being unhealthy for them to see the way you see it.
realizing my family is detrimental to my WL
