I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice about my husband. Since making my lifestyle change (eating, exercise, and general health awareness) I have become really concerned about a few of my husband's habits. He is about 5'11" and weighs around 220 lbs so he's not terribly obese but could stand to lose about 40lbs.
He wants to lose weight, but doesn't really do anything about it. When I cook at home (probably 5 times a week or so) he is happy eating the healthy meal I prepare, but if we go out he eats whatever he fancies. Huge cheeseburgers, huge chicken fried steak plates, etc.
He's also a big breakfast lover, but doesn't want healthy breakfast. He will often pick up fast food breakfast or on the weekends want to go out for a huge restaurant breakfast.
I will buy egg beaters, turkey bacon and such for home which he likes, but he just never wants to have it.
I realize that everyone has to come to the point where they are ready to truly change. It happened to me back in April. I don't feel like he's really at the point yet.
BUT he is constantly saying he wants to lose weight yet gets upset that he's not losing weight. Well, hello!! Look at what you're eating! And not exercising.
He refuses to come with me to the gym. It's too boring he says.
And my biggest concern is the amount of diet soda he drinks. I would guess he drinks between 6-9 diet sodas a day. He doesn't want water or tea. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop buying the soda for him (I do the grocery shopping) and put that chore on him. I've also thought about asking him for my birthday to cut back to 2 sodas a day. I don't know.
*sigh*
I love this man and I want him around for a long time. It just seems like he doesn't see his habits as unhealthy at all and doesn't understand why he's not losing weight. I don't want to be pushy and nag on him about things, but I have my concerns.
That's really tough, and like you already realize, you really can't do anything. Except continue with what's working for you - that is probably making more of an impact than you think, even if it's taking him longer than you'd like to start making some changes. I wouldn't do the give up coke for my birthday thing. It really has to be for him if it's going to last and not make him resentful. It's really easy to dig in your heels and find all sorts of reasons to resist when you feel pushed, even though you know you're just hurting yourself.
I do think, however, that it's perfectly reasonable that he buys his own junk .
I'd say, leave him alone and concentrate on your own weight loss.
I wouldn't want to eat egg beaters and turkey bacon, either. I didn't eat either of those to lose weight, although some people prefer to eat that way.
Keep going yourself. I think there's no situation more difficult and loaded than one person trying to help someone else lose weight. Well, there may be some that are more difficult--but you know what I mean.
You can't force change. It only makes the other person more distant from you. If you love him like you say you do, I'd suggest letting him come around when he's ready. If someone asked me to cut back on soda...I'd probably awkwardly agree, and then sneak it hardcore behind their back.
I don't think you can expect people to change just because you are. You're giving him healthy options... that's about all you can do.
One thing that I have learned over the years-is not to force weight loss on ANYONE, or give them weight loss advice, unless they ASK for it. Period.
Leave him alone, I say. If you get onto him about his eating and exercise, when he didn't ask for the feedback...most likely it is going to result in him exercising less and eating WORSE out of defiance.
If you want to cook healthy things and he eats them, great. But, if you go out and he wants a cheeseburger, then don't say a word.
Think about it....before you started to lose weight, you would probably have been offended if someone came up to you and told you what you should/shouldn't be eating...or should/shouldn't be doing.
Lead by showing a good example...and that is IT. Don't preach, or dictate, nag, or give unsolicited advice.
Agree with the Chicks. He will do it if/when he is ready. I would have been devestated if my dh would have given me unsolicited advice or critiqued my food/exercise---too much of one, zip of the other. Your example is enough at this point.
I totally agree with Julie. You, and your awesome changes are effecting him more than you think. I have experienced it with my own family. Also, I wouldn't pick at him...did he pick at you before you started your journey? If yes, was it what made you finally decide to "do it"?
Also, I know a lot of diet coke junkies past and present. Most of the old die-harts have now began giving it up because of migraines. I personally don't think it very good for a person, but it's his life. He'll quit when the headaches start...and they will eventually.
I try very hard to never say anything to my husband about his bad habits. Sometimes it's hard because occasionally I feel "Deprived". It is hard to go out on Friday nights and watch him eat a 16 oz rib-eye, loaded baked potato a loaf of garlic bread, a Caesar salad and a quart of beer, (While I have the grilled fish, steamed veggies, dry potato and iced tea) and for him to never gain a pound...but regardless of his slight weight problem, (about 205 on a 5'8" build) He has been the same size since the day I married him, (20 years) and eats pretty healthy 90% of the time. I think probably being slightly overweight and maintaining that weight has to be healthier than my Yo-yo dieting throughout the same time period. KWIM?
Edited to add: ...oh YIKES, I just caluclated my husbands BMI and he is concidered obese (31.2) . Gosh he doesn't "look" obese. WOW, now I have to live by my advice.
Last edited by Lori Bell; 09-08-2008 at 03:46 PM.
Reason: To add DH's BMI info
One thing that I have learned over the years-is not to force weight loss on ANYONE, or give them weight loss advice, unless they ASK for it. Period.
Leave him alone, I say. If you get onto him about his eating and exercise, when he didn't ask for the feedback...most likely it is going to result in him exercising less and eating WORSE out of defiance.
If you want to cook healthy things and he eats them, great. But, if you go out and he wants a cheeseburger, then don't say a word.
Think about it....before you started to lose weight, you would probably have been offended if someone came up to you and told you what you should/shouldn't be eating...or should/shouldn't be doing.
Lead by showing a good example...and that is IT. Don't preach, or dictate, nag, or give unsolicited advice.
Oh, I agree completely! And I haven't said anything to him at all. I have asked if he'd like to come to the gym but dropped it when he said no. And I haven't said anything to him about his eating.
I know in my heart and mind that he has to change for him. I guess I'm posting out of internal frustrations/concerns as I watch him.
I've been seeing some small changes in him lately towards being healthier and I suppose maybe I'm wanting to jump the gun. Last Sat he wanted to go play tennis and I happily agreed. Any exercise is good in my book.
Quote:
Originally Posted by midwife
Agree with the Chicks. He will do it if/when he is ready. I would have been devestated if my dh would have given me unsolicited advice or critiqued my food/exercise---too much of one, zip of the other. Your example is enough at this point.
Congrats on your weight loss!
Thank you. And again, I agree. He has been nothing but supportive of me and I will do the same for him. I guess I just wish he would have that "ah-ha!" moment.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Bell
I totally agree with Julie. You, and your awesome changes are effecting him more than you think. I have experienced it with my own family. Also, I wouldn't pick at him...did he pick at you before you started your journey? If yes, was it what made you finally decide to "do it"?
No, he never said anything which I am thankful for. And I do not pick at him, all of this is just in my mind. I am trying to not say anything, but do things to help him be healthier. Like cooking our dinners. He likes to eat at home and he enjoys the meals I cook. The fact that they are healthier than we used to eat doesn't really come up. Usually it goes something like..
DH: "Hey this is good."
Me: "Thanks, babe. I got the recipe out of Cooking Light."
DH: "Cool. You should add it to your recipe book."
And that's it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Lori Bell
I try very hard to never say anything to my husband about his bad habits. Sometimes it hard because occasionally I feel "Deprived". It is hard to go out on Friday nights and watch him eat a 16 oz rib-eye, loaded baked potato a loaf of garlic bread, a Caesar salad and a quart of beer and never gain a pound...but regardless of his weight, (about 205 on a 5'8" build) He has been the same size since the day I married him, (20 years) and eat pretty healthy 90% of the time. I think probably being slightly overweight and maintaining that weight has to be healthier than my Yo-yo dieting through the same time period. KWIM?
Oh yes I certainly KWYM! I wish I could eat some of the things he does. However, my DH has gained weight from eating too much of that stuff before. So the reality check does kick in.
You can lead a horse to water, but you can't make them drink it.
Quote:
Originally Posted by MotoMichelle
Hi all.
I'm hoping you guys can give me some advice about my husband. Since making my lifestyle change (eating, exercise, and general health awareness) I have become really concerned about a few of my husband's habits. He is about 5'11" and weighs around 220 lbs so he's not terribly obese but could stand to lose about 40lbs.
He wants to lose weight, but doesn't really do anything about it. When I cook at home (probably 5 times a week or so) he is happy eating the healthy meal I prepare, but if we go out he eats whatever he fancies. Huge cheeseburgers, huge chicken fried steak plates, etc.
He's also a big breakfast lover, but doesn't want healthy breakfast. He will often pick up fast food breakfast or on the weekends want to go out for a huge restaurant breakfast.
I will buy egg beaters, turkey bacon and such for home which he likes, but he just never wants to have it.
I realize that everyone has to come to the point where they are ready to truly change. It happened to me back in April. I don't feel like he's really at the point yet.
BUT he is constantly saying he wants to lose weight yet gets upset that he's not losing weight. Well, hello!! Look at what you're eating! And not exercising.
He refuses to come with me to the gym. It's too boring he says.
And my biggest concern is the amount of diet soda he drinks. I would guess he drinks between 6-9 diet sodas a day. He doesn't want water or tea. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop buying the soda for him (I do the grocery shopping) and put that chore on him. I've also thought about asking him for my birthday to cut back to 2 sodas a day. I don't know.
*sigh*
I love this man and I want him around for a long time. It just seems like he doesn't see his habits as unhealthy at all and doesn't understand why he's not losing weight. I don't want to be pushy and nag on him about things, but I have my concerns.
I just don't know what, if anything, I should do.
I think the same thing can be said for anyone....he may really want to lose weight..but probably feels overwhelmed of giving up his favorite food, including comfort food...and everyone knows eating diet food is no healthier than eating the whole version. Diet coke vs. regular coke and so on...You should let him know that it's up to him if he really wants to lose the weight, it won't fall off on it's own, but when he is ready to make that commitment you will be ready and waiting for him and will support him the whole time. Good luck.
I think the best things you can do are to be a positive role model (ie, let him see you eat healthy foods and get exercise), and prepare healthy meals and have healthy options in the house. You don't want to nag him, as nobody likes that, and as everyone else says....he has to decide.
about your hubby... mine started off being addicted to coke (the drink lol!), until 2yrs ago he was border-line diabetic & found out how much sugar was in 1-2litre bottle (he drank 4 ltrs/day). It took 8yrs to get to this point! Now, after 2yrs of drinking diet pepsi (diet coke=yuck!), he's decided that he can't keep on this way & now has chosen to replace the 1/2 amount of diet pop with 500ml bottles of water. It might take a while but be patient & hopefully it won't take as long as it did for my hubby!
As far as eating healthily...we have a son that started to be a 'victim' to his nightly BBQ chip snack & sometimes with a chocolate bar, and pizzas & we started to notice that my little guy was putting on a few pounds - so now that he's aware, my hubby has drastically reduced the amount of treats that he has brought home.
Adding up all $ spent on dining out/junk food is really an eye opener too - so if you guys do your budget together, you might want to casually mention that if you had taken that money & put it aside to savings, you could go on a nice trip (& be skinnier/healthier to-boot!) ie. $40/wk on eating out/junk food x 4 wks x 12 mths = $1,920 year
And...about the gym...we have an odd situation here at our house! Whenever I went to the gym to exercise consistently (3-5x/wk, 2-3 wks in a row), he WOULDN'T go. But if I stop going (feeling too tired, PMS week = downward spiral of not going), he'll start to go to the gym!
So, to beat the system, I finished my gym membership, decided to not go back (I can exercise for free at home), and lo and behold what happened??? He's now going to the gym 2x/day!!! LOL. I can't figure it out, but I'm not going to argue with it
Now, about going out - my hubby used to want to 'treat' me to brunch on Sundays until I asked him not to anymore because: 1. For $40 I can buy a lot of groceries (eggs, bacon & toast, fruit salad at home only costs $8), 2. I can control how much fat is used in the food prep, and, 3. We don't know how clean the restaurant kitchen is - We do know how clean our kitchen is! (& I don't pick my nose or scratch my crotch LOL)
TV can be a good motivational tool too!
- We used to watch "You are what you eat" w. Dr.Gillian McKeith. Her showing all the processed fatty foods together is a real eye opener! She has her own website if you google her name.
- "Ramsay's Kitchen Nightmares" (on the Food network) is a definite to watch if you want to turn someone off of restaurant eating!
Anyways, this is getting really long & I should get going.
Good Luck & Hang in There Girl. He will see the light one day and hopefully soon!
Well, my guy is 6'2" and weighed almost 270. He kept complaining that he wanted to live a healthier life style -- but didn't. Knowing that TELLING him he needed to lose some weight and get some exercise was not going to work, I started doing things quietly and subtly. I got rid of all the junk food in the house...slowly. I started leaving cut carrots, celery and other veggies around and lots and lots of fruit -- easy to grab. I told him they were for me, but that if he wanted any, I wouldn't mind. I began making healthy but yummy dinners. Since I do the grocery shopping, I stopped buying any cereal with sugar added, and I stopped buying diet drinks -- if he wants them he needs to purchase them himself. I refused to go out for meals with him -- except for special occasions -- claiming that I did not want to go off my weight loss plan.
I began asking him to go on long walks on the weekends -- researching and looking up cool trails that we could try out. I told him our son needed to go ride his bike, and asked him to walk with him, etc. When I bought my resistance bands, I asked him if he wanted me to buy some for him. He said yes and I did, and he started to use them -- not all the time, but using them. I never mentioned it.
I told him now that he is over 35, he needed to have his cholesterol checked at his physical -- and I made sure it was in the nurse's orders when he came in. Hello! THAT was a wake-up call.
Slowly, ten pounds came off of him.
Then, a little over a month ago, we were at a wedding and one of the men who was there kept flirting with me, and one of the groomsmen told my husband that he was lucky to have such a gorgeous wife. My husband stood there, looking a little dumbstruck. This was the mother of his children, but I was looking pretty darn good (Still have a long way to go, but still...). Well, for some reason, that was my husband's turning point. He got serious, and now weighs in at 252 and is aiming for 216.
Everyone has to come to it on their own...but I don't think it hurts to make it easier to make the right choices.
When I started my current journey at the beginning of May, I didn't even tell my husband that I wasn't eating sugar and refined white grains anymore. I just did it. After a few weeks, I let him in on the secret. He cooks dinner at our house, so of course he was noticing that I was requesting we have more veggies, and have salad as the main course more often. And he slowly adjusted in that direction...now we just don't even eat a starch with dinner; just protein and veggies and some good fat.
I also stopped drinking diet soda, and told him to stop buying it for me. I've started pitching in more on the grocery shopping too, to make sure I get things I need...and he's noticed that. And he's changed--he purchases snack-type things that are healthier for him now, like almonds (which he loves) instead of chips or cookies.
After a few weeks of me eating no sugar, I gently suggested to him that maybe he could try it. And told him what great things it was doing for me, how I was losing weight and felt awesome. He begrudgingly agreed that he could -try- it (I said he wouldn't have to do it forever, but maybe just see how he liked it), but he wouldn't try until he'd used up the store of soda and other junk food he had. I said OK to that.
Eventually all the junk was gone, and my husband has now been almost totally sugar-free since about the beginning of July. On occasion he has something with sugar in it, and he's always blown away by how awful it makes him feel, and we have interesting conversations about the effects of sugar on the body. He's losing weight too; somewhere in the realm of 15 to 20 pounds now.
When he asks me if I want fast food, or some other junk, I just politely refuse. "No thank you, but if that's what you want, go ahead." Since I'm not going along, pretty often he won't want it either. Food is a social thing; I'm not going to enable poor behavior, so he does it less often.
I guess what I'm saying is, like others have said: Small changes, over time, and being a good influence. That's probably your best strategy.
If he's not ready he's not ready but go with me here.
I have been on the get off soda bandwagon for a while now.
This is simple math.
1 Can of soda = 150 calories.
3600 calories = a pound
9 * 150 = 1350 calories
If he could just give up soda he could lose a pound every 3 days or 2 pounds a week. That is huge. He might not have to do anything else at all except give up soda.
Need advice about my husband
He doesn't want water or tea. I'm almost to the point where I'm going to stop buying the soda for him (I do the grocery shopping) and put that chore on him. I've also thought about asking him for my birthday to cut back to 2 sodas a day. I don't know.
.
And again, I agree. He has been nothing but supportive of me and I will do the same for him. I guess I just wish he would have that "ah-ha!" moment. 
