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Fay
Join Date: Jan 2008
Location: Bangkok, Thailand
Posts: 408
S/C/G: 240/see ticker/140
Height: 5/3
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Hi there! Welcome to 3FC - I've found it a tremendously useful and supportive resource, and I'd definitely recommend having a look around at the various forums and seeing where you think you might like to hang out. I definitely think it's been very instrumental in my own success with my weight loss program so far, and I find the Goal Reached section cheers me up no end!
A couple of things struck me about your post, that maybe you haven't thought about, and they're tied in with the language you used.
This may sound a little odd, but bear with me here: the thing is that we believe the stories we tell ourselves. We believe our own narratives, and they shape our lives. The confident kids at school? Those are the kids who were told, and who told themselves, that they were winners, that they could succeed, that they were likeable, admirable, awesome, all that. The less confident ones? Those are the kids who were told, or told themselves, that they were NOT so likeable, not so attractive, not so smart or witty or whatever. In your work life, in your love life, in all aspects of life, this whole business of BELIEF really shapes our realities. Hotness isn't just a matter of physical appearance - it's about attitude. Ditto charm, charisma, success - I don't think we can overemphasize how very important it is to believe in our own abilities. To respect and recognize our own potential.
So what I'm saying is that I think you're doing yourself no favours by saying "I have zero willpower" or indeed "I'm too nice to refuse people's offers of food." Because that's crap, actually. You have will power. Maye you have a weight problem right now, but that's not because you're weak and spineless and have no passions or opinions. It's not because you have no will power.
You ABSOLUTELY have control over everything that goes into your mouth, and over what exercise you get. Nobody else in the world is responsible for these choices.
Our relationships with food are horribly complex physical and psychological things, and whatever the bottom line is with your own weight issues, I'm here to tell you that it's NOT that you have no will power. You may be using food as a substitute for something, or as a way of punishing yourself, or comforting yourself, or even subconsciously trying to stay fat because it feels safer in some way (And, yes, this is where I suggest checking out a copy of Fat Is A Feminist Issue - dated, but still thought-provoking). A lot of the time we don't actually eat because we're hungry; we eat because we're bored, or lonely, or depressed, or angry, or frustrated. Especially for women (because, let's face it, society still isn't putting the same pressures on men with regard to body issues as it does on women) eating is tied in with a whole shedload of emotional things. Very often it's not actually a matter of eating because you are physically hungry, and it's really important to learn how to recognise the difference between genuine physical hunger and the impulse to eat as a comfort strategy, or out of habit, or even out of whacky self-harm impulses.
Then again, it may be simpler than that: you may have a problem metabolising particular foods - after reading several books about carbohydrates (most notably Good Calories, Bad Calories by Gary Taubes) I concluded that maybe I was one of these people who really doesn't tolerate starchy foods all that well. And to my astonishment, I found that within a week or so of cutting out the sugary starchy things I thought I loved, I actually didn't crave them any more. The reason I was craving them was because of the chemical reaction they were causing in my body, and after a few days of detoxing, my food tastes actually started to shift. It wasn't that I'd previously had no will power, whilst thinner, fitter people had iron willpower; it was more like having an allergic reaction. Not a moral issue, just a matter of hormones and chemical reactions tied in with how I happen to metabolise food.
I'm not being TEMPTED now when people offer cookies and bread and suchlike - partly because I've planned ahead and make sure that I've eaten a good breakfast, but mostly because I just don't fancy them any more. I know that they'll make me feel crap, and I have absolutely no wish to spike my blood sugar and start screwing up the way my body functions all over again.
...God, I'm really rambling on, aren't I? But I think it's really important to realise these things - that you're NOT powerless. You're POWERFUL! You absolutely have the power to change your body and your life, if you want to.
But you have to want to.
As to being too nice to refuse food - plan ahead. People WILL offer you food, it's a thing that happens pretty often. But it's actually remarkably simple to say something like "Thank you so much! But I'm actually full right now." Or "That does look delicious, but I'm working hard on losing weight and even though I bet it tastes great, I'd much rather lose another pound this week than have a few seconds of sugar on my tongue." Plan ahead - think about excuses you can make that make it clear you AREN'T rejecting the offered friendship or love that the food symbolises - but that you're rejecting your own fat. (I generally have a packet of sunflower seeds or a bag of salted almonds in my handbag, in case I get hungry - it's a good idea to have some kind of on-plan snackfood that you enjoy in there for emergencies.)
If you think about it ahead of time, you can word it so that the person offering the food feels good about helping you better yourself, rather than insulted. You're not being nice by saying yes, you know, or nasty by saying no. You're simply choosing what you want to put into your body.
If it was drugs, or sex, you wouldn't feel obliged to accept it just because someone was offering it! Well you're just as entitled to say no to their offers of food!
...er, okay, I'm going to shut up now. I hope I've not been off-putting! I just feel so fired-up about this whole thing - I'm so bloody excited by the fact that I have, for the first time in my own life, really accepted that I DO have the power to change my weight and my life, and I'm finding the success just intoxicating. And I'd love you to have that experience too - really, my God, there's nothing like it! And you CAN do it! You just need to believe in yourself, and be honest with yourself, and figure out which weight loss plan is going to be the one that you can live with, and enjoy, and stick to.
Good luck!
Last edited by broadabroad; 06-19-2008 at 07:10 AM.
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