It is hard enough to make the right choices and stick to them yourself but it can feel even harder when the people around you are not that supportive or pigging out on triple fudge ice cream with brownies lol.
Anyone else have this problem and how do you handle it?
My husband is wonderful and I love and adore him but he is not the best at being very supportive. He often thinks he is being but ya know lol.
He will not change his eating habits even if I do. He is a chip addict. We always need bags of chips in the house. Fast food is also a huge problem.
He also thinks often that spending money on little extras or healthier food is nutty. bottled water, etc.. just isn't gonna happen without a fight pfft. he likes to argue that we just don't have the money and I should wait. Though I try explaining that spending less on fast food and junk food would mean more money to spend on alittle bit mroe expensive healthier choices. That it balances out.
idk mostly it is very difficult for me to even get started or bring up that I feel so horrible about how I look and feel. He jsut tells me he loves me and thinks I look perfect and is afraid I want to be anorexic or something lol. Tells me I am beautiful just as I am. And then if I say yes that is sweet and I am glad you feel that way but I have to feel that way about myself. he tells me fine just do it then like I have some magic button I haven't been pushing.
I don't want to make it sound like my hubby is a bad guy lol. I love him and he is wonderful just hard for him to completely get it.
I've read a number of posts where women complain that their husbands don't want or allow them to spend money on things like healthy food, exercise classes or equipment, diet programs, etc. I've also read magazine articles that what many overweight people have in common is the inability to speak up for themselves - somewhere in their lives many have gotten the idea that their needs weren't important.
I get that a lot of women here are stay at home moms, but even so, I think decisions about money need to be made equally. I'm not married, so I'm not judging, I'm just curious about women who struggle to put their needs first or at least on an equal playing field with others in the family. This also seems like an issue that plagues women more than men.
I feel you on this - I had done a diet previously, losing 50lbs and my husband never even mentioned it. I was working so hard and he acted like nothing was happening, so I said "I feel like you're not supporting me" and he said "I feel like you're just bragging". I thought I would die!! I was so angry (I still am, 5 years later) but I realized I had to turn within and just do this for me. I kinda feel like I'm in rehab, but still have to participate in my everyday life.
I know this isn't much advice, but I wanted you to know I know how you feel - hang in there!!!
Is it possible for you and your husband to agree on a food budget, a certain amount that you each can spend on your own stuff? He can spend his on fast food and chips and you can spend yours on healthy stuff he won't eat. Maybe if you had a set budget of money to spend and he sees you are sticking to it, then he will be ok with how you decide to spend it.
Also, it's probably not going to help if you tell him what he should and should not eat. If he decides to eat more healthy, the decision needs to come from him. Otherwise he will think you are nagging him, and you don't want him to think you are that!
my husband eats whatever he wants, as we speak a 16 inch pizza is sitting on top of the stove waiting for him to get home from picking up a trailer. before this journey i would have had half of that pizza gone b4 he ever thought of getting a piece. and if he was lucky there would be half left when he got home, but now it doesnt phase me (MOST OF THE TIME), i've had a ton of fiber today, my water, 4 servings of veggies, and my protein. i find that when i feed my body what it really needs, then well, i just dont want or crave the junk (MOST OF THE TIME). and it makes it really easy to turn my nose up at just about anything he eats.
that said, you are worth every dime of that healthy food. and i'm guessing your husband isn't the one that buys a majority of the groceries, and if he is like my husband he doesnt have a clue what i buy and what i don't buy.
get what you need and besides, its only for you, you'll be suprised, it's not that much more to buy the healthy stuff
It is hard when the people around you wont support you. I know from seeing friends deal with that. my one friend who is only 180 pounds at 5'11 and who was trying to lose weight was told by her sister if she didnt lose 25 pounds by august. she could not be in her sisters wedding.
I dont think people understand at all how hard it is to lose weight and feel good about yourself unless you have to go through it yourself.
I say do what you have to do to make YOU feel good.
The rest should fall in Place over time.
I feel you on this one. My DH is the first one to pat me on the back when I have a good day and the first one to criticize when I mess up... but he can eat whatever he wants and lay on the couch all the time asking me when the last time was I worked out. He's a pain, but I love him, and I've talked to him numerous times about his crticism... and he's "working on it."
i would highly recommend doing the budget thing that beth mentioned. You would actually be surprised how cheep healthy eating can be if you plan right. I think you should be allowed so much for food a week...and that being said...plan ahead. As for the bottled water...you can get it cheep...or the other thing (that's also good for the planet) buy a larger drink container and a brita pitcher...you can get a lot of healthy water for cheeper. But really...if you sit down and plan your meals for the week...healthy food DOESNT have to b expensive. I spend about 25$ a wk on veggies/fruit ( i don't buy more than i need and i usually go twice a week in order to keep fresh veggies around). Dh and i shop at bjs (sam/costco) we buy large quantities of chicken breast and fish fillets that we cook up. That acutally goes a long way. I think you should sit down together and come up with a budget. You can also show him how much fast food ends up costing. TRust me...dh and i are living on a restricted monetary budget and are doing well..and i'm eating healthy. I think you just need to talk to him.
Thanks bunches everyone for the replies! You guys have given me lots of ideas and started me thinking and planning
Hibiscus8-
Well I will admit I have depression issues and other stuff which makes me have a hard time dealing with certain things. And my self-image and standing up for myself go along with it and make things difficult sometimes to say hey this is what I want.
My husband is a stubburn man lol (not that I can't be plenty spoiled and stubburn myself lol). I just think in a marriage you have to do that whole thing where you choose your battles. And I could easily say hey my money too I am buying this and get into a petty fight over it or have him do the same and me wanting to smack him for buying something stupid lol.
Though at the same time I am a feminist and involved in women's rights so I think I probably come across worse then it is lol. I do agree with much of what you said, I have also seen stuff like that and feel it is very sad.
It wasn't so much as me saying my husband will not allow me to do these things as much as he just doesn't completely understand my need to do it or the process it takes to do it. And it makes it difficult.
I think I also have it a bit rough. I don't drive and am in no where walking distance to a store sigh. So my husband and I always go shopping together. Also the fact that we both are very different and grew up with very different foods and eating habits. He grew up with big home cooked meals. Lots of meat and such. I grew up with a very cool relaxed hippy-ish mom lol. She liked simple healthy meals like sandwiches and yogurt and fruit for dinner. Imagine my holidays when i visit my inlaws lol I do not eat anything they have for easter dinner at all lol
Anyways I LOVE your guys suggestions. I think planning ahead as much as possible will help tons. Mostly with me being less wishywashy in the middle of the store. Also one problem is in the past I would buy fruit & veggies, healthy stuff etc... and end up with more then I could eat myself in a week. And that wouldn't help when my husband thinks I am just buying crap and not eating it lol
So I am gonna sit down and make a whole list planning out my meals for the week. maybe I can even get him involved by planning a few meals together which might help smooth out the differences and planning out smaller portions as not to waste stuff or end up with more food then i can eat myself lol
I get little support. My DH isn't dieting or anything,but I don't think he really needs it,he's just perfect the way he is,he doesn't believe that though,but he still won't walk with me and he doesn't even like healthier foods like veggies,so when we do buy them,I can't eat them fast enough before they spoil,I've just been trying to eat lighter I have my special K for breakfast every morning,switched to Splenda in everything,no sugar except in my sweet tea on the weekends,and I've done decent and he will say he's proud of me and I appreciate that,but I want this to be a team thing,not just me,so I definitly know where your coming from. But I will tell you this much,if I hadn't found this site I would have went bonkers and I don't believe I would have lost the weight that I have,I try to get on here every chance I get and the support is just amazing,so I think,it's kinda like having you all in my house,you know what I mean?It sounds weird I know,but this site saved me!!
Having no or little support at home?
