Is that wrong? Am I illogical? Give your opinion here.
Ok here's the thing. I joined an online dating agency some time ago. Usually there is this guy and he conducts me. I reply and we chat for awhile. Usually, after 5 emails or so, and if the guy leave in the same city, I usually ask if he would mind meeting each other for a coffee, you know just to see each other moving and speaking. Usually after that, they stop answering back.
I find this quite but frustrating. Am I illogical to ask that? I mean it is ok to talk through emails but I feel I am spending my mental power on the web page. I am not asking him to marry me, lol not even date me. I just want to speak to him in person. Seriously, am I doing something wrong here?
Last edited by preetyladyserenity; 04-24-2008 at 09:54 AM.
What kind of business is this? Is this person supposed to be representing you somehow?
If the purpose of this business is to interact online, then I would think that meeting in person is out of the question. You may not be asking them on a date, etc but they don't know you at all and it is not their job to interact with customers offline. If it were you and the roles were reversed, wouldn't you feel a little strange about it?
Lol, no dear. It is an internet dating service. You know, for users to meet and go on a date and then having a relationship. If this guys are there to get a date and meet a possible someone, isn't it normal that an actual meeting should take place?
I think if this is a dating service, you would want to meet in person. The guys you have met so far just aren't interested in you, that's all. Don't consider this as a bad reflection on you, it's just the way it is. I don't think you are doing anything wrong. I would wait, though for them to do the asking and always go to a public place.
I agree with Bargoo. Even though it seems like it should be a brave new world, men seem to like feeling like they've got to work for your attention. Give them the opportunity and they'll knock themselves out. Good luck!
Oh I see sorry! I skipped over the "dating" word in your first post! In that case, yes I would say let the guy ask you out. Some men don't like it when women are too forward either. They would rather be the one to ask, and they usually ask if they are really interested. Wait a bit and the right one will come along!
personally, i'm pretty quick on wanting to meet someone. i like to pretend like we just happen to meet in person, not online! so i'll usually try to meet up after very few emails, maybe 3 or 4. So no, I don't think it's weird. By they way, I've been off the dating circuit for a few years now, and abut to re-enter (yikes!), but as I remember, I didn't meet ONE good person on there! Hope you're having better luck than me!
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Anyway in my profile on the dating site there is this question what type of body type are you usually attracted on. My answer is "I know it is quite ironic, but I was mostly attracted to really thin guys. However, I have dated men of all body types, so it is the character that mostly matters"
This guy now sends me this email saying that my profile makes him laugh because I am fat and I want to date thin guys, so practically I expect them to look beyond appearance and I don't.
Lol mind you this guy is overweight but his face was handsome so if he had actually started a chat, I would be very interested in him (well if the character was good as well).
The thing is that, a) I have turned many slender guys down before that their characters did not match mine b) there are so many overweight guys out there that say they like skinny girls but apparently it is ok for them to say so but not for the women to do so.
I think a lot of people are wary of meeting someone they met online until they really feel they know the person. Most people online aren't any different than you would meet any other way, but there still is some stigma and misperceptions. Although, there is a higher percentage of people who have mild to severe social skill problems. It might be something as simple as being painfully shy, but men and women are afraid of the "nut jobs," and are sometimes overcautious as a result.
I've been on both sides of this. I've met guys and thought things were going great, and when I suggested meeting I never heard from them again. I've also met guys who wanted to meet WAY before I was ready to, or asked way too personal a question, and I panicked and stopped emailing them (rather than explain why they creeped me out).
I would suggest that instead of requesting a meeting, you might try sending your phone number and (very casually) tell the guy that if he'd like to, he can call you on the phone to chat "sometime." My husband did this, and I think it gave him an edge over some of the other guys I met online. When he called, we talked for hours on the phone, for several consecutive days. Still, he almost blew it by inviting me to meet him on Saturday to go to a singles event he'd been planning on attending in another city (offering to drive me to the event 5 hours away or meet there).
It was a weekend event so I would have had to get a hotel room and drive down (no way I'm going to allow myself to be "trapped" in a car with a potential serial killer). Even driving down myself, I didn't feel safe meeting him in an unfamiliar city, so I declined and suggested we meet the following weekend. Instead, the next day he called to say he'd changed his plans, and would I like to meet at a local restaurant.
For the first month, we were actually more comfortable on the phone and in emails than we were in person. I'm not a shy person in general, but in dating situations I am, or at least "slow to warm up." If we had met before we had gotten to know each other, I don't think it would have worked out. There was absolutely no chemistry between us in person, but tons in emails and phone conversations. Still, I was so close to writing him off, because he sat like a dud during dates, and then would call me or email as soon as he'd get home and make me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. It took him almost 6 weeks "in person" to be the same guy he was in emails. To be honest, I don't know why I was so patient with him.
I think a lot of people are wary of meeting someone they met online until they really feel they know the person. Most people online aren't any different than you would meet any other way, but there still is some stigma and misperceptions. Although, there is a higher percentage of people who have mild to severe social skill problems. It might be something as simple as being painfully shy, but men and women are afraid of the "nut jobs," and are sometimes overcautious as a result.
I've been on both sides of this. I've met guys and thought things were going great, and when I suggested meeting I never heard from them again. I've also met guys who wanted to meet WAY before I was ready to, or asked way too personal a question, and I panicked and stopped emailing them (rather than explain why they creeped me out).
I would suggest that instead of requesting a meeting, you might try sending your phone number and (very casually) tell the guy that if he'd like to, he can call you on the phone to chat "sometime." My husband did this, and I think it gave him an edge over some of the other guys I met online. When he called, we talked for hours on the phone, for several consecutive days. Still, he almost blew it by inviting me to meet him on Saturday to go to a singles event he'd been planning on attending in another city (offering to drive me to the event 5 hours away or meet there).
It was a weekend event so I would have had to get a hotel room and drive down (no way I'm going to allow myself to be "trapped" in a car with a potential serial killer). Even driving down myself, I didn't feel safe meeting him in an unfamiliar city, so I declined and suggested we meet the following weekend. Instead, the next day he called to say he'd changed his plans, and would I like to meet at a local restaurant.
For the first month, we were actually more comfortable on the phone and in emails than we were in person. I'm not a shy person in general, but in dating situations I am, or at least "slow to warm up." If we had met before we had gotten to know each other, I don't think it would have worked out. There was absolutely no chemistry between us in person, but tons in emails and phone conversations. Still, I was so close to writing him off, because he sat like a dud during dates, and then would call me or email as soon as he'd get home and make me laugh so hard I almost peed my pants. It took him almost 6 weeks "in person" to be the same guy he was in emails. To be honest, I don't know why I was so patient with him.
Wow this is a very good answer. Might as well follow your advice.
I agree with the sentiment...the reason women play hard to get is because it WORKS.
Put your profile out there and wait for guys to contact you...only contact them when your responding to them and let them be the ones to ask you out first. Let them lead the conversation and be the one to get nervous and ansy when there is a period of silence. Act like you date many guys and they are lucky that your going out with them.
Guys will go after the girl they want...if they don't like you enough to ask you out...they probably aren't that interested...don't waste your time on guys that don't REALLY want you.
I am fairly impatient myself, and would not want to stay emailing someone for a long time. If there is any interest after a bit of emailing, I'd want to meet and see if we have any chemistry. I like the idea of sending the phone number to him, but if he didn't step up and start making plans soon one way or the other, I'd move on.
Is that wrong? Am I illogical? Give your opinion here.
In that case, yes I would say let the guy ask you out. Some men don't like it when women are too forward either. They would rather be the one to ask, and they usually ask if they are really interested. Wait a bit and the right one will come along!
