[LittleMoonRabbit]

Hey everyone. I have started to observe a strange phenomenon about myself, and I am not quite sure what to do about it. I was hoping I could get some insight... maybe I am not the only one who does this.

Every time I start a diet, it is out of self hatred more than anything else. I tell myself I am ugly and gross, and the only way not to be these things is to lose lots of weight. And, sad as it is, it is a fantastic motivator. But then, the same thing always happens (though I never really noticed it until now...).

I start feeling really good about myself. I see the weight come off and I start looking better and feeling better. I start dressing up more and I start feeling very comfortable with the way I look.

And then, I do something like I did last night... I say, "you are great the way you are, you don't need to lose anymore weight. Here, have some pizza and beer and hotwings and ice cream."

Heh... yeah, I was a bad girl last night. But I enjoyed myself, and I felt guilt free about it (actually I still do feel guilt free) and just had a grand ol' time.

Why do I do this? Am I really happy at this weight? I mean, I am in the very low 150s, which is still considered quite overweight for my height. I think my problem is, I don't know how to motivate myself to lose more weight without using self hatred. I also have no idea when to stop losing weight. I look at how my frame is, and I suck in my stomach and stuff, and I honestly am afraid to lose much more because I am afraid I'll look weird. I don't know, am I even making sense? I guess I am just lost because I am not sure where to go from here. I still love working out, and I plan to continue doing it. But my motivation to shed pounds quickly is diminishing quite rapidly. Any advice?

__________________________________________________ _____________________________________

I guess the best way to phrase this is more: can I be happy as a size 8? I always told myself I needed to get to a size 4 or a size 2 to be happy. But I am really happy right where I am. Should I not worry and just concentrate on being healthy and toning up a bit? Or should I used hatred again to get myself shooting for that size 4 I always dreamed of.

Maintainers: how did you know when to stop??

[CABunnyGirl]

I find that the process of weight loss so complex and so very personal since it changes just about everything about me. The way I feel, the way I look, the way others see me, and the way I see myself. Losing weight and the habits we must adopt to do it changes every aspect of our lives... Suddenly, we're not the good-time girl that accept every lunch/dinner/drinks invitations so our social circle changes; and, some of us get a little weirded out by how we feel about losing the weight and how others feel about us and what we're trying to do (will she do it this time? Look...she's trying to lose weight (again)...) Our moods change and so do the people around us who are affected by what we are trying to accomplish.

We want to avoid food for the temptation is causes but can't stop feeding our families... There are just so many conflicts and issues that arise out of this process - It can be overwhelming sometimes.

Basically, the whole issue of weight (for me) sucks! As I lose weight I feel more confident and inspired and then men hit on me and I retreat back into the weight to hide and avoid those advances because I don't know how to enforce boundaries. I don't have any answers for you (sorry), but I can tell you that you're not alone in how you feel. The process can conflict us in many ways and the fact that we self sabotage doesn't help either. Just take it one day at a time (one hour at a time) and trust yourself above everyone else. I find motivation and comfort coming to this site and love what I read yesterday about never regretting NOT eating that cookie/bag of chips/whatever it is for you. It is the little reminders I get through this site that seem to be helping me stay focused and on track. You may also consider going to talk to someone - a therapist, or perhaps joining a support group (OA) might help.

So give yourself a break - Remember that you are MY goal weight and that at any weight you are the Best and most fantastic YOU there is!

[bargoo]

Well, I am 5'2" and weighed 127 this morning and I don't think I look weird. I don't know the answer to your question as I have lost and regained in the past, too. I am praying not to do that this time.My only suggestion is to keep going, you have made a good start , don't give in to those negative feelings, remind yourself how much healthier you will be, looking better is a bonus that come along with it.

[pamatga]

It dawned on me a few months ago that there are really only two motivators in life: Fear or Love. You will either do something based out of Fear or Love. Period. I have heard that Hate is a form of Love so you are still operating out of Love. I know it sounds weird but I read it somewhere.

Well, we all have many different reasons or motivators that will get us off the sofa to exercise or push away that extra helping of food. I am sure that many here will tell you their personal reasons and they will all be different---sort of.

I once followed the Atkins diet a few years ago and I liked what Dr. Atkins said about determining how much to lose. He said (paraphrased) that first you need to lose for your health. So, the first question I would ask myself (if I were you) is: are you healthy? Are there any health reasons why you can't stay where you are at? In other words, what does your blood work reveal? Is your blood sugar, cholesterol and pressure normal? Those are the important indicators but there are others to consider as well such as a fatty liver or your kidney functions.

Then, if those are normal and you are in good physical health, the second reason to continue to lose weight is for vanity reasons. As diplomatic as Dr. Atkins always was (he is now deceased), he said that is a personal choice. Do you like how you look? Do you feel comfortable with that weight?

In yet another book, Anne Fletcher's "Thin for Life", she asked a very provocative question: "Can you do what is necessary and what will be asked of you to maintain this specific weight indefinitely?" I think, this third question is equally important. Many people may aspire to a size 0 or 2 but are you willing to do what that might take to maintain that?

I would start by asking yourself these three questions honestly. Once you have come up with the answers you can live with then I think you are probably at or near the weight you can successfully maintain for the rest of your life.

That is what I plan on doing when I get closer to my end goal weight. I have been 135 lbs before for quite a long time so I think that I will feel good there. However, I am older now and my blood chemistries may tell me that I need to weigh less. We will see when the time comes.

Hope this helps!

[KateB]

pamatga-
That is probably some of the most sensible guide lines I have ever heard. Thank You!!

[sumu1]

I've had the same thoughts. I lost weight a couple years back ( in a very short time, I ran and ate nothing) and got down to 147. I was a size 8 could get into a size 6 in some things. My goal was 135 but I felt good. Then I went back to all the old habits and ended back up at a size 14 and 180 lbs.

I realized when I began this journey at weight loss that my attitude HAD to change. Slow was the watchword. I AM going to reach the goal of 135. I always kind of wondered why I never reached the goal. Was I afraid to reach the goal? Why was feeling good okay but was I afraid to feel Great? I think in the back of my mind I was in a size 6-7ish... it was unreal to think of myself as a size 4 in the end... I think I was terrified of it. I always thought of myself as "big boned", if I can get down to 135, a completely healthy weight and be a size 3-4 I've been kidding myself for a long time... it's a blow to the self. I've been carrying around this concept of who I am and now I found out I am capable of so much more....scary thoughts.

The only thing I can say is go for a goal that's at the top of a healthy BMI. See how you feel there. Or, if you truely feel happy about your current weight and that's where you want to stay, plan for maintainance. If you want to indulge now and then go for it. As long as you understand that you are now a healthy eater and that is how you eat, that is WHO you are now. Then there is no need to feel guilty.

And you are not alone in your first feelings that gets one motivated to start losing weight. I imagine most of us look in the mirror one day and it's like a hammer to self esteem. Maybe the difference for me this time was it wasn't a look in the mirror, but a coming health issue if I didn't start taking an objective look at my health. The perk was a smaller size but my end goal was NOT to become diabetic. The fact is, it may still happen but if I can control my sugar intake to stave off an insulin problem that is my goal. Try refocusing and come up with a new reason to lose the weight to hit your goal of 130ish. Sorry, I think I rambled but hope this helps.

[CountingDown]

Oh, please learn from my LIFE. Anne Fletcher's question is so very important. For me this translates into - no more "dieting" and changing my lifestyle instead. In other words, to lose 80 lbs (71 so far) I decided that I would not change anything that I wasn't willing to change forever. It has taken me 10 months to get here, but I have done it in such a way that I can maintain this loss.

This is one of the main reasons I count calories and restrict nothing. No foods are "off plan". All things are permissible. I just need to be wise about how much and/or how often.

wndranne posted an amazing insight on one of the maintenance threads.
"I figure I can eat (1) anything I want, (2) as often as I want, and (3) in whatever quantity I want. But I only get to pick two of these three if I want to manage my weight, and more importantly, my health."

I wish I had learned this lesson at your age LittleMoonRabbit!