Hi everyone, I friend and I were discussing this and we're suprised that we both did it. I just wanted to see if anyone else has.
I turn 20 in 6 months and I'm going through kind of a quarter life crisis I guess...I realize I haven't done much with my life. I'm not where I want to be. I haven't done what I wanted to do.
A lot of this has to do with my mentality.
For example, I always said in high school I'd be more social...after I lost some weight. I said I would go to prom my senior year...after I lost weight. I said I'd apply to the college of my dreams, after I had lost weight. Never did any of it.
I'm going to get my tongue pierced...after I lose weight. I hate long hair on me but my hair's down to my butt now...I'm going to get it cut (after I lose weight).
I got offered a trip to see NYC but I didn't want to go while I was still fat.
This isn't working well. I realized I'm taking no risks in life or even getting out there and enjoying myself because I'm waiting for weight loss to happen to me...
I realize what I haven't been doing my whole life and I'm scared because I'm doing it now. I'm going to go back to college...after I lose some weight. I'm going to get a job...after I lose some weight. I'm going to get married and have kids someday...after I lose some weight.
I find myself doing this, but only for one thing that kinda makes sense...
I'm really into fashion, in particular a certain kind of fashion that you do not see in stores, which really involves lots of DIY, sewing, etc. to put together. I keep putting off learning to sew and buying things for projects that I think of until I lose weight. I mean, hey, why go through all that work if I plan on not fitting into it soon?
For everything else, though.. If I get the "well, after I lose weight..." excuse popping into my head, I try to ignore it and go for whatever it is that I want now. I probably would be able to come up with some other excuse after I had lost the weight anyway, so I just go ahead and pursue it.
I did do this but I have turned it into a positive. Before it was I couldn't do that too fat maybe if I lost weight... now "its ok when I get to X-amount I will go rock climbing/cut my hair/go dancing" etc etc. It like mini-goal rewards
Cherry Blossom, this isn't something I have done except on a minimal level--as in, "I won't buy clothes until I lose some weight."
But I can understand the thought.
Try to change that around--"I will apply to college, WHILE I lose weight." "I will travel and have fun, WHILE I lose weight." Reframe it! Keep on losing, but get in the swing!
I spent a very very long time avoiding many things because of my extra weight. I am so glad that you found the insight regarding this often-repeated behavior.... I can tell you that I ended up with a lot of "could haves, should haves, would haves..." as a result of listening (and obeying) my fears.
I did follow through on some things and when I did get up enough courage, I was so grateful that I did follow through. I have those memories of the times when this ostrich pulled her head out of the sand to actually "get a life", so to speak.
We can't do anything about the past, not even five minutes ago, but we can do something about today and all of the tomorrows that we will be blessed with.
One source of inspiration I get is from my Mom. She was diagnosed with two types of cancer the week before Christmas 2007. She worked at her part time job as a dietary aide (she is the one who delivers the meals in the hospital) up to the day before she went into surgery on January 15th. She has had numerous complications which she has (even to the amazement of her team of doctors) pulled through.
One of her favorite pastimes was watching her "soaps". When one of the nurses asked her if she wanted to "catch up" on them while she was in the hospital, she replied, without fear, I'll wait until I get home. Two months ago, she was hanging by a thread and not only on death's door but the door was open wide! I just had to smile when the nurse told me that. I thought if she can look forward to a future of "catching up on her soaps", what can I look forward to doing?
I told my DH that from now on I am going to live life to the fullest. If I can't always do it for myself, then I will be reminded of my Mom and her desire to grab life by the tail and give it a good shake.
CherryBlossom, if you can't do it for yourself (which is the best reason) maybe, you can find another reason that will get you to that next dance, that Mall shopping trip, etc.
I have once heard that the only people who die with regrets are those who never have really lived!
This past weekend, a speaker who had cancer and is a survivor, said at a seminar about death and dying: it is not a question about whether there is life after death, but is there life before death?
Honey, I am SO with you! I've been fat my whole life (cracked 200 before high school), and many of your thoughts are the same I had. Mine were slightly different in that the reason I didn't do all those things is that I thought my fat would hinder me, ya know? It wasn't just, "I won't do ABC until I lose weight." Instead, in my head, it was more like, "I won't be able to do ABC until I lose weight because..." finish the sentence with people don't take me seriously while fat, guys aren't attracted to me while fat, I'm not fit enough while I'm fat, and so on.
But then things changed. I went to college in a new place where I didn't know ANYone. What better way to start fresh? I opened up a bit socially (which was a big step for me due to my lack of confidence), and I made some great friends in my dorm. The beauty of the freshman dorm is that they are ALL looking for new friends in a new place, so people are generally very open and easy to talk to. Making new friends helped me to gain a little confidence, and that gave me the strength to try some more new things. I went out to parties, joined some clubs, took classes for FUN that were outside of my major, and generally had a pretty good time in college. I even took on waitressing, which really brought me out of my shell because you have no choice but to interact with strangers constantly. I was the only 250+ server there, but people actually liked me!
The more I did, the more confidence I gained, which helped me do more and more. Now, I'm 25, and I'm engaged to someone I have been with for over 4 years. We own a townhouse in a pretty expensive metro area, we both bought brand new cars when we needed them (my first ever--I'd always had used, and my parents had always bought used cars, and I've been VERY successful professionally (have more than doubled my salary in the 4 years since I got my first full-time job after college).
In fact, I had a recent confidence-boosting success as well. In all of my previous jobs, I'd had women as bosses. I never got the job when I interviewed with men. I thought it was because of my weight, that I was less confident interviewing with men or that men were more superficial or whatever. But I just got a new job (started 2 weeks ago), and I interviewed only with men. My recruiter was male, the Director I interviewed with was male, and the VP I interviewed with was male. But I rocked it and had a verbal offer within a week of even submitting my resume! Now I work in a male-dominant office, and I love it. And it crushed a weakness I thought I had professionally.
Points of all this: I used to think I couldn't do things because of my weight. But doing them WHILE overweight actually gave me more confidence because I was able to be very successful despite my weight.You just have to start somewhere, and from there, each thing you do will help you build the confidence you need to tackle the next thing.
Oh, and I got my tongue pierced at over 250 pounds in college
Last edited by jillybean720; 04-13-2008 at 07:17 AM.
When those thoughts pop into my head, I know why they're there. They're there because I'm worried that I'll be judged by other people, or because people will make fun of me.
You can't spend your life in fear. Your weight isn't stopping you from doing anything, your mind is. Just tell yourself that everytime you get one of those thoughts. It has absolutely nothing to do with your weight, and everything to do with your insecurities regarding it.
You just need to start doing things. Do you think when you go out and have a fun time, that 20 years down the road you'll be thinking, "I wish I wasn't fat when I'd done that... I would have had so much more fun." No, life is what you make of it sweety.
We all have insecurities, but it's your job to stop allowing yourself to take life for granted. It could end at any time, in any way. Do you want to spend your life waiting when there's a whole big world out there for you to see?
I think many of us have done that as well. Like Jilly, I think I started doing things in spite of my weight that gave me confidence (such as traveling).
Just Do It.
I think you will find that if you just try things you will find that you expand your horizons, and perhaps your confidence. What helped me date, for instance, when I was fat was looking around at lots of other obese women who had husbands and boyfriends, and I realized "hey, why not me too?"
In some way, it may have been the increasing chances I took while fat that ultimately gave me confidence to LOSE the weight. While I wasn't actually confident about my success when I started, I believed I owed it to myself to try, and I was sick to death of my increasing lack of mobility....
Anyway, my advice is pick one or two small things to TRY and see what happens. I think you'll be pleased with the results!
I think that it's important to carpe diem (seize the day)! This semester, I've been studying a lot of poetry, and Keats' "To Autumn" really has been my inspiration to enjoy every moment, regardless. If you want to go do something, do it! I was procrastinating about weight loss for the last two years by saying "well, when I lose weight...". Now that I'm doing things and feeling great regardless, wouldn't you know that I'm dropping weight again almost effortlessly--when before I was agonizing? It's all a mentality, hon.
Definitely guilty of this. But as I was reading this thread, I made a deal with myself.
I love bicycles. I love the song "Bicycle Races" by Queen. I love thinking about how they work. But I haven't had one since I was 10.
Also, I've been putting off buying one because I will feel quite awkward being a fat girl on a bike (although Queen wouldn't mind--- "Fat-bottomed girls, they'll be riding today/so look out for those beauties aw yeah").
So I made a deal with myself: When I've lost 40 lbs, I will buy myself a shiny, new bicycle. Haha.
So maybe instead of just forcing ourselves onto some of these things, we can make shorter-term pacts like that?
I agree with all above and what great insight it is.... I know exactly what you are talking about... and sad, but true, I didn't realize that all of the those experiences I missed out on, because "I was too fat" were my LIFE !! As individual decisions they didn't seem too bad at the time, but lump all of those missed occasions and opportunies together, and I figure I've wasted about 80% of my life 'waiting to be thin' and 20% of my life actually doing the work to change'. It took me a long time to turn that around in my brain and move on without guilt, knowing there is a lot more life to be lived. but regret is a tough one to get rid of.... I guess no matter how big your body is...life always has the room..
Heather echoed my thoughts. When I take that step - and succeed - it gives me confidence to take the next step. And so it goes.
While painfully shy in high school (and quite overweight as well), a wise teacher convinced me to go into forensics. I learned to "perform" in front of others, and actually did quite well. This gave me confidence to try out for a play, where I did well, which gave me confidence to accept a solo in band where ....
Even though I have been overweight most of my life, I have always been performing in public, dancing, acting, speaking, etc.
All because of that one teacher, I was able to learn a very valuable lesson. Take the risk - step out and do it. It just might change the course of your life.
Putting things off "until I'm thin"...
CherryBlossom you are not alone!
