For me "do it for yourself" is the only motivation that works.
I have been overweight my whole life. Several times I wanted to start a diet and lose some weight and the main motivation was so that I would not look so horrible and be able to snag a man. This was not enough motivation for me to ever be successful or stay on a diet for long.
I got married 7 months ago and am now so happy! I did gain some weight after we got married but now I am finally ready to lose weight. And now it is not so I can snag a man. I've got a man who loves me and doesn't care whether I lose weight or not. Now I am doing great on my diet because I am doing this for me. I never thought I could lose what I have so far (17 pounds), and I am proud of myself. And I can do it because I fell secure about my marriage and have the freedom to do this for me. Go me!
Well I'm single and nearing 21. I want to lose weight so when I someday get married and have babies I can be healthy and have good healthy babies. I think in all reality being as big as I am attracts a certain type of guy, not the kind I'm looking for. I'm 5'5, about 211-212 and wear a size 13/14 jeans. I seem to attract a lot of loser guys who don't have jobs. Ugh.
we can all say that we are not losing weight to get to get a guy( i know we're not) but I definitely belive that losing weight usually makes ppl more confident, happier and therefore they will attract a guy. Then again, i see your point 8mickey2. some ppl can lose all the weight, and still be single or become single bc their confidence has not improved. I guess, all of us who are losing weight should realize that we are doing this for ourselves, first off, and then we can worry about finding that special boy
well with me...my current GF was begging me to lose weight. She was concerned about my health, she had lost around 40lbs reaching her goal..but then was turning to me. Pushing me, nagging me, it all made it worse. I didn't want to work out because she wanted me to.
I had to take a step back and focus on me, when I decided to do it myself..I was really into it. I enjoyed exercising, felt great about myself.
Now I'm noticing that the days I don't want to exercise, she's looking at me...and I feel myself wanting to make excuses for my actions. Which makes me not want to even more. Maybe bc I'm pig headed and don't want anyone to tell me what to do.
This is all about me in the end, losing weight is definately all about personal power and doing it for yourself. My hardest part has been mental, not physical.
It definately needs to be for yourself. I had 2 parents die on me back to back, both obese. I decided then and there I was going to do everything in my power to be here and healthy for my kids.
When Joey and I got engaged I was 280 lbs! I seen the pictures and I was embarrassed of how big I was. I did not want to look that huge on my wedding day. I knew he thought I was beautiful and I wanted to see what he sen. I did want him to be proud of me even though he already was.
I just wanted us to look like a cute couple, not WOW! He is so skinny and she is huge! She must smother him! lol
Many years ago, before I was married, I started dating a guy. He never once made a comment bout my wieght, but I wanted to lose weight. So I started exercising A LOT and cut out junk food and cut back my portions. Over the course of 6 months I lost 86 pounds...I FELT FABULOUS and LOOKED FABULOUS too. He never said a word about my weight or my weight loss. Then out of the blue one night we were wtching TV and he asked, "Why did you do it?" I didn't know what he was talking about at first. He said he like dthe way I looked when we started dating, but not anymore. He was insecure about the attention I got from other men. We broke up that night.
I did it for me back then...then I slipped back into a life of bad eating habits and no exercise. I am doing it for myself this time.
I started gaining my weight in college... but the boys were still easy. So I continued to gain. Then my senior year, I started dating my honey buns, and we both gained some weight together! Mow I am losing for me, because I want to feel good about myself, and I want to have a healthy pregnancy when that time comes... I have wondered, though, if I wasn't so comfy with my honey buns, if I would have been motivated to lose sooner to attract a man. Who knows... The only relationship my weight has ever hurt is the relationship I have with myself.
Meh, I've been married 9 years so I can't really answer this. My DH and I have both put on weight over the years, and we're both trying to lose it, but we're not doing it for each other. I think he looks fine, he thinks I look fine. We want to look and feel better for ourselves, I suppose. Even if I get down to my goal weight of 120, though, I've been smaller since I married him. (I use to be a stick).
As an overweight woman who's been this way for years, I always kind of wondered why people were attracted to me. I'm 21, I've had many dating opportunities and I never let my weight stop me. I'm currently in a serious relationship and feel confident that we love each other for who we are.
Part of me knows that, to a certain extent, my BF has insecurities in the area of women. He's always had to have a girlfriend, even when he was young. he was clingy at first and I had to set him straight - it was an issue then, I'm not like that.
He would certainly be too intimidated by a really beautiful girl to ask her out. I think, anyway. I wonder if he feels I was within his "range" or "league". I guess I would understand if he did.
I have two good friends who have been together for two years. It's not my buisness, but I feel like they settle for each other because they're both obese. Sometimes one complains about the either, but neither will really discuss with the other and its none of my buisness, but I find it interesting.
Maybe this is why 8mickey's friend broke up with her bf - maybe she was with him out of habit and fear of being alone? When she lost weight, she realised this, or his insecurities became too much (like kateB's story)?
One of the reasons I talked to my fiancé about my decision to lose weight, was to avoid that awkward "Are you losing weight?" conversation. First of all, we're often as his apartment, and it'd be difficult to hide me tracking points. ("Oh I'm not doing anything dear, just playing around with this fun slider I found on the ground! >_>")
The other, and more important, was that I wanted him to know that under no uncertain terms was I doing this for anyone BUT myself. I told him my concerns about my weight. I told him what I needed from him. (Keep the junk to a minimum, and keep it out of site... continue encouraging words... hugs... love & support.) I told him that I love him. I then listened to him as he said he was happy that I decided to do something healthy, and that he loves me now, and will love me no matter what. I had to have that talk with him, because I needed to figure out if he'd be with me or against me. Were he against me... sadly, this is important enough to me now that we'd no longer be together. (Though, I already know him well enough to know that he'd support me, it was important that I get it all out so that there were fewer misscommunications.)
Fortunately! I have the sweetest, most supportive and caring fiancé ever. I can see us spending our lives together, and that's why he's the fiancé and my soon to be hubby ^^
It has been to my advantage in this relationship to set my boundaries, and assert my needs. He does the same. I feel better knowing we can voice our problems, as well as our joys, to eachother. My weight loss is just one of those things that needed to be talked about. Just like changing careers or... something
I think if you lose weight and you lose your current BF, than you're better off without him.
I know for me, I'm 24 and never been in a serious relationship. My weight has something to do with that, but its more about MY issues and MY insecurities more than anything else. Plus, I've never met anyone who I WANTED to be in a serious relationship with. (that wasn't taken)
I guess I'm different. I have always been overweight (around a size 18 all through HS, maybe up to a 20 in college at one point) and I NEVER had a boyfriend. Not a serious one.
I met my husband after I had lost 40 pounds one summer in college and got down to a small Size 14 / 215lbs. And to this day I really think that the only reason I "snagged" him was b/c I was the thinnest I had been in my adult life.
Yes, he loves me. Yes, I gained EIGHTY pounds since we met 5 years ago (married for one year coming this may). And he says that I shouldn't lose weight for him b/c he loves the way I look (in fact, it worries me b/c he says "I LOVE this ***!!!" and I want sooo badly for it to shrink!!!!
Anyhow--- I truly believe that our society is programmed to think THIN=PRETTY. So many times growing up I would look at these BUTT UGLY girls getting boyfriends and I KNEW it's just b/c I'm fat. I was talented, smart, successful, funny... soooo many things... but FAT made me unwanted.
I really believe that. I had tons of guy friends- they loved hanging out with me. But they only wanted to date and talk about "hot girls".
Maybe it was b/c I was 6'1" on top of it all. Perhaps. They don't want to date a FAT girl, let alone a FAT girl who was a GIANT on top of it! (I found out at the end of college that some of my friends called me "The Linebacker" behind my back. Kinda killed me, ya know?)
Anyhow--- I truly believe that our society is programmed to think THIN=PRETTY. So many times growing up I would look at these BUTT UGLY girls getting boyfriends and I KNEW it's just b/c I'm fat. I was talented, smart, successful, funny... soooo many things... but FAT made me unwanted.
I have to laugh, because I thought I was the only person who felt that way about some of the girls who had boyfriends back in highschool. Granted, when I think about who they were dating, too.....
weight and relationships
