[freeqeegrl]

i need a mini rant... new years i broke up with my boyfriend of 3 years. it was a toxic relationship , most of you probably remember my posts of frustration about him. but it is killing me, i had to force myself to do it. i just couldn't do it anymore he had finally crossed that line. and although i have been really depressed I'm trying to think positively .......... Ive been going out with friends a lot , and going places i never have ,I'm trying to experience everything i missed for three years. i just turned 21 and i think this should be the funnest memories of my life. and if i just sit around sad about someone who didn't deserve my love to begin with , well then I'm letting him continue to get the best of me. i mean i doubt he is at home crying over me , since he thought about it and did the one thing he knew if he did i would never take him back. so . its me time. just me. you know Ive always heard you have to lose weight for yourself and only yourself , but you know what , i didn't think i love myself enough to do it. i know thats kinda sad . . . but honest. I want to do it for love. not now but later on. i don't want anything holding me back or even compromising my chances of happiness. i am an awesome damn person and i don't want my weight to be something that could possibly even slightly take away from that , i don't want it to stand in my way. i want to be attractive. like i was before i started dating "Mr. wrong" . i took care of myself and i let his verbal abuse cause me to not care about myself. I'm going to take care of myself for the one guy that will one day will take care of me and encourage me to stay strong and be the best i can in every aspect. this is how i want my life right now. i want a new car. a muscle car a 66 Chevy Malibu. Ive always dreamt of it. i want to go to school full time , i don't even want enough time to think , i want to catch up on the things i fell behind on while dating "Mr.slacker" . . .. i want a group of friends ,i lost all mine when i was with "Mr.controlling" . i want to do music on my own , my lyrics , my feelings, not another band like the one i was in with "Mr.i am band leader" this is my chance if i don't take it ill always look back and wonder why i let him have this affect on me.. bring it on life! lets do this! how funny i started this just needing to complian, it didnt turn out anything like i thought it would. . . .

[mrsgeb2]

it will get easier...i was just in that same position last year...i had to start over and figure out what I wanted to do instead of what we wanted to do...you go girl

[deedee10]

Dear Freegeegrl, firstly I'm sorry about you're break up but personally I think you're way too young to have a steady boyfriend. This is the time in your life where you begin to find out who you really are and if you are focusing on someone else and they are taking all of your energy you won't be able to explore all the possibilities that are available to you. And from years and years of experience I need to tell you that you need to lose the weight for YOURSELF and for your health. Boyfriends, husbands and friends can come and go, but you will always have yourself to depend on so work on developing your self-love and the right guy who will appreciate you and encourage you in all of your endeavors will come around. Anyway, if a man really loves a woman, he doesn't care if she has some weight on her. Most men, at least the quality ones, love a woman's spirit and how special she makes HIM feel.

[Amberelise]

Amen, DeeDee.

[shrinkinglizzy]

you just turned 20?? goodness you have plenty of time ahead of you to get going on the things you want. Girl, I'm 26 and still in a toxic relationship, and only now realizing what a waste of time it is to be with him. Reading your post helps me move closer to the big scary break up that I know is looming ahead of me, so thank you for that!!
And thanks for being honest about your reasons for trying to lose weight. I won't argue with you about your reasons for doing things. On top of which, doing it for a man you don't even know yet seems pretty close to doing it for yourself -- you want a happy future and that includes a relationship.
Anyway, keep posting, and good luck!!
Sonja