Please explain how I can love my bf SOOO MUCH, and know that he is the one for me, but his family.....ehhh....we are nice to eachother, but I don't think they LIKE ME.
How do you deal with this, in your experience or opinion?
1, your bf already likes you. He is the one that matters. The family would be icing on that particular cake, but the icing is not needed.
2, they are going to need some time to adjust. All families have to do this - their son now has a new person in his life, and they are used to being "number one" to him. They have to make some adjustments.
3, if you stop paying attention to what they're thinking about you (I mean obviously avoid any glaring social gaffes or rudeness, but just stop spending every moment trying to make them like you), you'll be more real. They'll get to know the real you, and chances are, they'll LIKE the real you (after all, they raised a SON who likes the real you, so there must be something good in there!)
4, If they never come around, it probably isn't you, and as long as you have your boyfriend's backup, don't worry too much about it.
My MIL is quite self absorbed and can be difficult at times. We live several hours away, but we are getting ready to visit them for over xmas, and I must say I dread it in some ways. It could be a fine visit, but other times, she will create some drama, which make it unpleasant for all. I don't say much - after all, she is my DH's mother, and yes, he does love her, and I love her too. However in the last 2-3 years I have really noticed him pulling away and distancing himself from her. He is a loving and dutiful son, but he no longer lets himself be manipulated by her. Good luck and just try to make the most of it... like Amanda says, your BF loves you and that is the most important thing.
CHRISTMAS WAS NOT TOO BAD THIS YEAR!
We have a birthday party for his bro tonight, then christmas party at his grandma's tomorrow. I am really hopeing to get next weekend off from family.
It sucks for me because my mom and sis are in Texas, so it kind of makes me sad to see him and his family all together. It just really makes me miss my family, ya know?
Anyway, no rude comments on Christmas from the in-laws, that is good =).
Trying not to overthink anything, or worry really what they think of me, sort of like you are saying mandalinn. So far so good.
Thanks girls!
My MIL (of 13 years) doesn't like me, and a few years back, in one legendary loss of self-control, she let me know exactly how much. Sadly, DH didn't have the gonads to stand up to her at the time - which he recognized after the fact. He apologized to me, though her "apology" was more of a "I didn't mean it, let's pretend it never happened" kind of non-apology. She was embarrassed, but I don't believe for a minute that she regretted her words for any other reason. Fortunately, she lives over 2 1/2 hours away, so I don't have to deal with her often. I used to go up more, but since that episode, it's 1-2 times per year. We are civil, but I still don't look forward to it.
The big problem that it created at first was that my husband wanted me to just suck it up and "play nice" because she's old and set in her ways, because he is a classic "conflict avoider". This created a lot of tension between him and I, as he kept pressuring me to go up with him to visit. Finally I had it, and asked him "Why is it so damn important for you to bring 2 people together who obviously don't like each other?" He must have given that one some thought, because he backed off after that, and things are pretty copacetic now.
Now when we go, it's mainly on holidays, when siblings are there, also. This gives us a convenient excuse to stay in a hotel, which takes a LOT of the stress off. There's a big difference between visiting for a few hours vs. being an "overnight guest".
Last edited by Janie Canuck; 12-29-2007 at 08:08 PM.
In Laws
