I torment myself constantly by feeling my fat rolls and looking at the cellulite...so if it bothers me so much, why can't I get it under control??! I'm sick of it. I can't even get on scale because I'm too scared that the number will send me into a deep depression. I'm so insecure with myself and don't know how to raise my self esteem.
Food has control over me. No matter how much I hate my fat, all that seems to fall by the wayside when it's snacktime. I can't figure it out. Am I an addict? I know every morsel in every cabinet and fridge.
I'm so sad and disgusted. And obsessed.
It's good to know the number on the scale, even if it freaks you out at first. I try to weigh every morning so that I am not pretending things are better than they really are. Maybe you should face the scale, and then find a program that you like, and stick to it. Good luck.
I know it can be a struggle but making small changes can get you in the step in the right direction and help your self esteem along the way. Try to find something positive!!
You should write out your post with the complete opposite verbage. Instead of
"I'm so insecure with myself and don't know how to raise my self esteem.
Food has control over me. No matter how much I hate my fat, all that seems to fall by the wayside when it's snacktime. I can't figure it out."
Write, on a piece of paper:
"I'm so confident in myself! I have control over myself. I love who I am and I WILL lose weight!"
Post it on your mirror or fridge or put it in your pocket, and read those words to yourself over and over and over. You might feel silly at first, but you will start to believe them and live them after a while!
The more you succumb to negativity and say you ARE bad things, the more you will BECOME that way. Take charge, say and believe wonderful things about you. You DESERVE to lose weight! You WILL do it! Nothing has control over you but YOU!
I always thought that I was a food addict and that food did indeed have control over me. But after being so miserable and so fed up and so sick and tired of being morbidly obese, I finally realized that food most certainly does NOT have control over me. I was the one putting each and every morsel in my mouth. I always had the control. I always had the power to change things. I just had to want it badly enough. And when I got to that stage, where the only thing that mattered was getting down to a healthy weight and I made the decision to lose the weight, once and for all, that I was sick and tired of settling for second best, when first was well within my reach, then I found all the strength that I never, ever realized that I had. And there was the control.
You DO have control over the food. You do have the strength. It's there. I promise you. Dig down deep. You don't have to be overweight if you don't want to be. You really, really don't.
Hey, I do know how you feel. Personally, I found that food did not have control over me, SUGAR had control over me. Going cold turkey on sugar during the initial stages of my weight loss journey was...well, a miracle. Over time, I have been able to add treats back into my life in a limited/controlled fashion (for example, I had 100 calories of decadent, expensive dark chocolate as a treat today), but it was really necessary for ME to stop eating sugary/processed foods for awhile.
You have a lot of control over things. Your hand is the only hand that puts food into your mouth. Eating healthy foods isn't a big mystery - lots of fresh produce, lean protein, low fat dairy, complex carbohydrates. Plan every meal for one week - breakfast, lunch, dinner, snacks. Look up recipes - the internet is a treasure trove of healthy, low cal meals. Go to the grocery store, buy only what's on your list. Make as much food in advance as possible - big pot of chili, cut up vegetables for snacks, baggie up soy chips in proper serving sizes. Follow your meal plan for one week, and reward yourself with something nice - new CD, pedicure.
Repeat for the next week.
I would definitely advise getting a good starting weight. It might be painful now, but you will be so grateful later to see how far you've come. I didn't weigh myself for 2 weeks into my journey, I have no idea exactly how much weight I lost! It is aggravating Measurements are good too!
Ditto what Glory said Sugar and processed, simple carbohydrates had control over me. Eliminated them from my diet and adding regular intense exercise also eliminated a lot of the fat from my body and a lot of the negativity surround it.
I also was to horrified by myself to weigh at the outset, to take measurements, or ever get in front of a camera. Now I wish that I'd had the courage, but if you can't face the scale right now, forget about it. Change your behavior. Get rid of the trigger foods, the processed, the sugars and soon you'll feel the difference in how your clothes fit and how you feel. Add some exercise, and it'll all be going in the right direction
You took the first big step - you posted here. The advice from others is right on! For years I was so angry with myself. Others could control their weight, why couldn't I? I am a strong, successful woman in all other areas of my life. I used every excuse under the sun. My family history of obesity, my yo-yo dieting has ruined my metabolism, my arthritis keeps me from exercising, I really am one of those people that is meant to be fat, if God wanted me thin - I wouldn't be struggling so, there is really nothing I can do about this - so I just need to accept it.
All lies - all lies that I believed for many years. You CAN do this. It will be hard - but you CAN do it. The first step is incredibly important. Once I found a plan, started it, and started exercising - my body actually responded by making me feel so much better than I had in a long time. It only took about 2 weeks to get to that place.
So - I agree with JayEll - tough love is needed. Just start NOW - not tomorrow, not next week, not next month - NOW. You are here - you have all the tools you need to be successful. Success breeds success. One moment, one meal at a time - you WILL win this battle!!!
You said exactly what I said to myself 4 years ago. I constantly FELT body fat in rolls wherever they were and pinched them constantly. They made me feel ill and just angry at myself. I couldn't even figure out whether or not it was just low self-esteem then or maybe something else. It was exactly what you described it to be; if I can feel this and it DISGUSTS me, then WHY is it not easy for me to change my habits? Each time I closed a bag of chocolates, one second later I found the inner-compulsiveness that grabbed it right back and into my mouth. It was never easier that way. I found myself waiting for everyone to leave my room, finding a place in solitude just to give into the cravings and being a girl with a voracious appetite (which at the time, was all I thought of myself to be!). Even if I felt disgusted enough with myself, it was ultimately that self-image that made me do the things I did and slowly bring me down in a spiral. After discovering that, apart from looks, I realized that life was good for me. I thought, perhaps it was time to relieve myself of this mental madness and just accept myself for who I really was instead of my own personal appearance and eating habits, which I found to be atrocious. With some really good friends and family members, I discovered a way to guide myself back to being happy with my body. And when I finally found my mental state to be very stable, I decided to give weight loss one more try. and this time it really worked. I don't know if you have close family members or friends that would talk to you about this situation, as I DIDN'T initially because nobody wanted to handle such a touchy subject. I kind of grabbed my twin sister, really poured my heart out to her, made her listen because I needed her help desperately when everyone else shrugged it off. Even if I didn't want to talk about my bad bingeing, I had to because I knew it was the only way I could finally relieve my bottled up emotions. and when it all came out, I actually felt, you know, I might've sounded stupid making a big deal out of such small things (controlling my habits, compulsive scale-stepping), but in the end, I got it out and it just feels so good. I sure hope you'll get these negative feelings out. It only prolonged my problems when I denied myself of a happy personal image. Good luck.
Last edited by veggielover; 10-16-2007 at 11:07 PM.
Your posts made alot of sense to me. I got teary eyed reading them. Thank you so much for sharing. I will try some of your suggestions...especially about changing my thinking, and stop sending hateful messages to myself about what a loser I am. I always hide when I eat, out of embarrassment. Should I try to start eating mith my family? I'm going to think really hard about getting on that scale and facing the music.
One other thing I thought to motivate me is that I have a belt test coming up in my martial arts class. I want really badly to make Black Belt, but passing a long test will suck the life out of me if I don't start training harder and losing weight. No way I can do jump kicks being fat. Thanks for the hugs everyone! I'm going to come back and re-read this thread alot.
Well, I am in the same boat as you. Getting the news yesterday that I need to lower my cholesterol did help motivate me but I know it's going to be a long road.
Want to buddy up and try to improve our self esteem and food issues together?
I understand EXACTLY how you feel - I felt the same way before losing weight. I was simply disgusted and repulsed by the sight of myself! I put off weighing myself for the longest time because I just didn't want to know... but eventually I got up the courage and stepped on the scale at Publix. The number didn't phase me, because I thought, "Oh ****, I'm probably 200 pounds by now," so seeing 179 (while it almost made me cry) just made me *that much* more motivated to get off my *** and change things.
You know you don't want to live like this forever. You can revamp your entire self image just by losing the weight... hating your body takes a very large emotional toll, and you know that if you had a choice between loving your body and hating your body, you'd choose to love it. So, develop a visual in your head of what you (realistically) want your body to look like and get moving! (I've found that for me personally, having a visual of my sexy, athletic, healthy bod post weight loss has really helped me get closer my goals.) Oh! And if you mess up or "fall off plan," don't beat yourself up over it and DON'T QUIT!
Last edited by NightengaleShane; 10-17-2007 at 07:46 AM.
Reason: a few added words :)
I always hide when I eat, out of embarrassment. Should I try to start eating mith my family? I'm going to think really hard about getting on that scale and facing the music.
This was one of my major downs- an issue that I couldn't bring up to other people BECAUSE it was such a PRIVATE behavior. This + the constantly bashing myself, being angry at myself was what I HAD to fix. I'm glad you are considering it, because wow, I held this problem for 4 years and wasted 4 years of my life being unhappy! Can you imagine that wasted time and what I could've done with it?? But you see, it won't be easy talking to someone about it- MAKE SURE you find someone that WILL listen (because my sister took it as a joke and laughed it off the first time until I cried in front of her about it). Don't talk to anyone that might shrug you off or tell you that you're making a big deal out of something small. IT'S not something small. (I know a girl who had a very unhappy ending) And don't be afraid to tackle the negativity- it will NEVER help you on the long run and it might even consume you, so be strong .
Without a doubt, I think it is vital to pinpoint our weak spots and then of course adjust our lives to try and "fix" em up. Whether it's eating alone, in our cars, fast food, etc... Working on our most troublesome issues, finding solutions and alternatives, is imperative - and luckily - DOABLE.
Disgusted with Myself
to you.
Get on that scale! Face reality! Find out what it is, because it is what it is whether you know it or not! 
It won't magically disappear! You gotta work it! 
Measurements are good too!
