Is it true do you think that if a guy doesn't ask you out, even if he flirts with you and seems into you, that he is "not that into you." Is there such a thing as a shy guy--- shy enough not to go after a girl that he really likes and gets encouragement from?
I totally admit to reading self-help books and they seem to indicate that no guy is too shy to go after the girl he wants, especially if he is getting encouragement from them.
Basically, I am wondering what is going on in this guy's (that I like) head!?!
He is a difficult read; but he seems like a bit of a loner, and is quiet around people generally, but he flirts with me, talks to me and lets me into "his world," but no more........ Frustrating. What to do??
I personally believe that men can be shy, especially if it's around someone he really likes (romantically). And the fact that he letting you into his world is a good sign. I should know, I'm very shy person. I'm not a big talker unless I feel comfortable around a person (then I can't shut up) and I don't usually don't let just anyone get too close to me. So I would take the fact that he's being open with you a good sign. Maybe he's waiting for you to make the first move.
well, does he flirt with other girls at all? that's a good indicator. if he flirts with everyone, then it's not necessary that he is into you. If you are the only one or one of 2 or 3 people that he flirts with then there is a good chance that he likes you.
I know guys who are afraid to make the first move. Some men, believe it or not, want a girl who is aggressive enough to go after them.
one thing that you-do- know by the fact that he flirts with you is that he is comfortable around you. He at least considers you a possibility because he is flirting. If you want him tell him, even if he doesn't want a relationship now he will respect your honesty.
you dont have to make it seem super formal..that could scare him. a good way to break the ice could be to ask him if he means anything by his flirting. You could also ask him if he would be interested in going out with you to a movie or something. It doesn't have to seem overly dramatic like it does in highschool...you know, with the heart pounding note passing and messages through friends/ rash confessions. let him know you think he is super cool, or if you're afraid of that find some way to indicate that you really value the relationship you have with him.
I had a crush on a very shy guy. I even asked him out a couple times, but he had very lame excuses, so I figured it was his way of declaring his lack of interest. So I moved on, to another job and to other guys, but didn't lose track of him. A friend who still worked with him, kept me updated, and three years later when I met my husband (and had briefly dated two other guys), shy guy hadn't had a single date in those three years.
My husband (outwardly) was not a shy guy, but was really hard to read.
He kept me at arm's length for several weeks. He kept saying, "if this doesn't turn into anything romantic, we can still be friends." Since he didn't so much as attempt a good night kiss, I thought this meant he was making it clear that that's what we were, just friends. But then I got to thinking - who spendsd six days a week with a "friend," so one day I asked him "so are we dating or what?" His mouth dropped open, and he still didn't really want to be the first to declare romantic feelings, so he started sputtering about how hard to read I was. Turns out, he wasn't sure whether I was as into him as much as he was into me.
When my husband and I were getting married, a friend who still worked with shy guy, told me he looked like he was about to cry when my friend told him I was getting married.
I still don't know if he was upset because he had lost his chance with me, or whether it was because I (nearly 400 lbs at the time) had been able to find someone and he was still alone.
If you want to make the first real move, go ahead. If he doesn't take you up on it, whether he's shy or just stupid (we'll assume those are the only two options), it's still his loss.
but im VERY loud aswel, its a weird combo i know, im very flirty (somthing im SOOO glad my GF is ok with) because i dont over do it lol,
but alot of people dont get that alot of guys have the same sort of "but what if" drive everyone else has, esspecially when ur already so close, its hard to make that plunge and go for it, when u could almost be as happy right where you are
its har to jsudge sometimes but some guys jsut need that girl to make that first move, then uve opened the pandoras box haha and ur gona get it all
Is there such a thing as a shy guy--- shy enough not to go after a girl that he really likes and gets encouragement from?
Of course there are "shy guys" who often have many of the same fears and concerns as shy girls do.
Quote:
Originally Posted by shrinkingchica
Basically, I am wondering what is going on in this guy's (that I like) head!?! He is a difficult read; but he seems like a bit of a loner, and is quiet around people generally, but he flirts with me, talks to me and lets me into "his world," but no more........ Frustrating. What to do??
What to do? Tell him how you feel. Ask him the same questions you've asked here and that is how you'll find out what is going on in his head. Straight to source, I always say!
I flat out said to my fiancee that I liked him and he still didn't get it. He could not believe that I could possibly like him. There are nice guys and shy guys and I've noticed they also tend to be very dense, which means that signals are read differently. Men and women tend to percieve things completely differently, which leads to confusion.
Not that into you? Hogwash.
So when DF brought me coffee at work in a blizzard (and got my order right!) i decided enough was enough. I offered to make him dinner. Problem solved.
So many of you guys are right on (Colleen and Jen especially).
It's so funny how guys can be sometimes be so forward with a woman they are drawn to purely due to physical attraction. However, when they come across a woman that intrigues them beyond the physical aspects, and that pure raw emotion comes out, they clam up.
Also, they fear rejection far worse than we do, IMHO. So if it isn't blatantly clear to them that the woman of their intrest doesn't reciprocate their feelings, they won't make any advances. Also, if you've been friends with this guy for a long time, he may be afraid of "ruining" the friendship if things don't work out for you two as a couple.
The solution here is communication! Tell him how you feel.
Be forewarned, if you start as the "aggressor" in this relationship, you will always be the aggressor. Some women (me included) don't want to be the pursuer. I'd rather be "sought." (I guess it's the princess in me) Think about this before you ask him out yourself.
Oh, I don't know about that. Just because a women decides she likes a guy (and does something about it), she is by default always the agressor? What do you mean by that? That she always makes the decisions?
Sorry to disagree, but I think that's a falsehood that doesn't do anyone any favors. I mean, there could be all these potential great love affairs just wandering around aimlessly because the girl didn't want to always "be the agressor" and the boy was too shy. Kinda sad to think about, you know?
Also, I think anyone would look at my relationship and see how amazing Ross is for the simple fact that he doesn't "put up with my crap" as my mom so lovingly describes it
One of my husband's friends (may be a bachelor to the bitter end, poor guy) once said (I'm going to paraphrase a bit, to clean up the language a bit), that it's easy to make a move on a girl so obviously out of my league that rejection is nearly inevitable, what do I have to lose? But, if there's a good chance that she'll say yes, then I'm going to feel like a complete loser if she says no.
One of my husband's friends (may be a bachelor to the bitter end, poor guy) once said (I'm going to paraphrase a bit, to clean up the language a bit), that it's easy to make a move on a girl so obviously out of my league that rejection is nearly inevitable, what do I have to lose? But, if there's a good chance that she'll say yes, then I'm going to feel like a complete loser if she says no.
#1. If it's possible for women to be too shy to ask men out then it's possible for men to be too shy to ask women out.
#2. What've we got? 100 years tops? Stop wasting it. Ask him to hang out with you or go walking or watch a movie or some other fun thing. If you wanna know what someone is thinking there are worse ways to find out than just simply asking them.
#3. If it turns out he doesn't dig you so much. Meh. Life will move on, the world will continue turning, and there are another 3.5 billion other fish in the sea. Some of whom will be more than happy to take you up on your offer of a fun time.
Thank you girls (and unassembled!) for all of your advice!!! I really don't know where I'd be without all of these objective opinions!! to all of you
Now, what complicates matters a bit is that we have to work in close proximity to each other and if he were to say "no" to me asking him out it would make life soooo akward. I have only known him for a few months and we have never hung out together. I am also afraid of having the asking him out on my side... like if it doesn't work out then it is my stupid fault for making the first move. Also, what if it turns out that I end up not liking him the more I get to know him.....and I'm stuck working with him..... uncomfortable. But, I guess that is all a part of the risk..........
Shy Guy-- Fact or Fiction
to all of you 