I have a very strong will. I am a type A personality and not lacking in boldness.
I am 100+ pounds overweight and miserable. I stopped dating, going out with friends. I just work and raise kids. Don't get me wrong.. I love my children. But why can't I stop eating poorly and start exercising? I hate being fat. I just don't get it....
I hate to say I know how you feel, but sadly, I do.
After I got engaged, I wanted so badly to get healthy. Not just lose weight, but be healthy. I just tried too hard in the beginning, I think.
I took a step back and just tried to take small steps at a time. I banished the scales, stopped worrying about every single bite I took, stopped killing myself at the gym.
I just tried to live by the philosophy that if what I put in my mouth today is better than what I would have put in my mouth before I started this journey, I've made an improvement.
You know, there could be tons of factors involved really.
I've spent the last 2 years committing/stopping/re-committing wondering WHY I just couldn't do it. There were SO MANY things that I ultimately let stop me:
1) I was on medication, that was obviously making me fat (not too much wine and pizza of course).
2) I just started a(nother) new job with a long commute. I needed my sleep more than I needed to get up a bit earlier to prepare food for the day.
3) I get home too late to go to the gym.
4) I get home too late to make dinner. Pizza anyone?
5) I had a hard week, I deserve 3,682 glasses of wine.
6) I need to take care of the kids, so no exercise at home in the weekend.
7) I can't handle the stress of my new job, communting and the financial stress from when I was unemployed, therefore, Pizza anyone?
I could make a longer list (really!) but this gives you an idea. When you have other things in your life that seem to take priority or take too much of your energy, it's really hard to justify changing that and putting some of the focus and energy back into yourself.
Be honest with yourself - do you find yourself making excuses for why you are not following a food/exercise/lifestyle change plan today (just focus on today)? Does something always seem to come up or maybe you are just fed up or not in the mood to be "dieting"? It may very well be that the only way you CAN really do this (well, you CAN, you just need to believe that, for one!) is to re-prioritise and put yourself at the top of the list.
You know you are already halfway there to "CAN". You don't want to be overweight, you hate it in fact! Focus on today - what is ONE thing you can do, just today, that will get you on the right path? Is it drinking water? Eating fruit and veg today? Is it maybe going out for a walk at lunch or with the kids? What about just cutting your portions in half? Or keeping a list of what you ate and how you were feeling? Start small and build up. Too many of us go for the "all or nothing" mentality and when we "mess up" halfway during the day we think we've failed.
You really CAN do this - the only way that you CAN'T is if you just flat out refuse. It doesn't sound to me like that's the case, you just maybe need to make some small changes and get in a good place mentally for it.
I have a very strong will. I am a type A personality and not lacking in boldness.
I am 100+ pounds overweight and miserable. I stopped dating, going out with friends. I just work and raise kids. Don't get me wrong.. I love my children. But why can't I stop eating poorly and start exercising? I hate being fat. I just don't get it....
Hi Steph. I was in your shoes, except for the dating part, for close to 20 years years. I was absolutely miserable, beyond belief miserable. Yet I kept on eating the wrong things and waaay too much of it. I knew all (haha) I had to do was eat less and move more, yet - I didn't do those things.
Then finally, one day, I got sick and tired ENOUGH of living my life the way I was. I said enough is enough. I had wasted enough time being miserable. I simply could not go on the way I was any more. It was too painful for me to stay the way that I was. And finally, I was ready to take some ACTION. The food didn't matter anymore. The only thing that mattered, was that I wanted to be healthy once and for all. I wanted to be normal and wear fabulous clothes. I didn't want to always worry about how I'm going to fit in this seat and squeeze into that booth. I wanted to stop being the inactive, sitting on the sidelines, letting life literally pass me by person that I was. And I realized, that if I didn't want to be fat anymore, I didn't HAVE to be. It WAS within my control. It was within my power. Other people have lost tons of weight, there was no reason on earth I couldn't as well. And then I got excited, real excited. Because I knew, having made the DECISION to lose the weight, and no longer be fat, that the end of my misery was near.
I had to devise a plan though. A longterm plan, because I wanted this to go on forever. I wanted to lose the pounds, and never gain them back. I wanted to succeed at this - once and for all.
I found a simple journal very useful in the beginning. I wrote in there all the reasons why I wanted to lose the weight, really specific. Everytime I wanted to eat when not truly hungry I would read this and add to my list. I also keep in there my weekly weigh-ins.
I rid my home of all the junk, yes I've got kids and a husband, but they didn't need the garbage either. For me, I needed to get rid of all the foods that I overate and abused. I figured if I didn't know how to eat them properly, that I was best off without them entirely. And no, I didn't feel deprived or sad or how am I going to live without the pasta, bread, rice and added sugars. Everytime I said no to those things, I was saying YES, to a healthier, fitter, more energetic and HAPPIER me. I was thrilled to pass up on those things. And within a couple of weeks time, I no longer craved them. It was amazing. Didn't miss them one bit.
I do love food though, so it was essential that I found foods that I love. And I did. If I don't like what I'm eating there's no way on earth I would ever stick to this. I've discovered that fresh raspberries are more delicious and decadent then cookies. I discovered that a chicken/vegetable stir fry is more delicious then the fried cutlets and rice that I was eating. I like roasted green beans waaaay more then french fries. And on and on. So, play around, experiment and find foods that you love, just healthy and low cal. They're out there.
I also track my calories. Cutting back and eating healthy wouldn't work for me. Counting calories is my verison of portion control. It's what keeps me accountable and keeps me from overeating. It's worth the effort, by about a milllion percentage points. Check out fitday.com. It's a great online source for keeping tabs of your calories.
I also added in exercise. That's what healthy, fit people do. I wanted to be one of those. So, I moved myself. I started out by just walking and gradually increased. I used to barely get off the couch, I was horribly inactive, horribly. Now, I'm like the energizer bunny - there's no stopping me. I'm constantly on the go.
I guess the bottom line is, that I finally made the DECISION to lose the weight. I finally made the COMMITMENT to a better life. Once I made that decision, everything became quite clear, oddly enough. It was a relief to me. Because I knew that eating right and exercising, creating a calorie deficit WOULD result in weightloss - and it has.
I'd love for you to please come check out the 100 lb forum, located in the Support Groups section. Lots of great, on-going threads there, very motivating and useful. Full of support, encourgament and advice.
Just KNOW that you CAN do this. Weightloss IS doable and YOU, yes, YOU, CAN do it. Deep down inside you, there's the strength needed to do this. I promise you it's there. Dig down deep. Locate it. Use it - and get healthy.
Good luck to you.
Last edited by rockinrobin; 08-31-2007 at 07:45 AM.
I'm ever the weird pseudoshrink - what does being fat do for you? Because yes, you seem to hate being fat. Yes, on a major level you want to change?
But why havn't you? Because, possibly, being fat serves you in some way. Its a weird question, but if it held no advantages whatsoever you would probably have made steps to change it by now. Are you at all nervous about being "thin"?
I'm ever the weird pseudoshrink - what does being fat do for you? Because yes, you seem to hate being fat. Yes, on a major level you want to change?
But why havn't you? Because, possibly, being fat serves you in some way. Its a weird question, but if it held no advantages whatsoever you would probably have made steps to change it by now. Are you at all nervous about being "thin"?
emily
xxx
I have no doubt that on some level, being fat DOES serve a purpose. But I know for me, I wasted enough years trying to figure that out. According to some of the so called experts, weightloss couldn't take place until I did figure it all out. If I waited around trying to figure it all out, well I'd still be morbidly obese - or worse. Sometimes, ya just gotta make the change for the better WITHOUT having all the "answers". IMO, you don't need to have everything wrapped up nice and neatly in order to make a change. Time is precious. Sometimes it's just better to DO, to take ACTION.
I also believe that at some point, the fat does stop serving that purpose and the overeating is just plain old habit.
Velveteen said it better than I could - the biggest reason for most of us to hold off on losing weight is because other things take priority. For instance, when I was still fat, I was going through A LOT of financial stress. I was too depressed and angry to start focusing on weight loss. Actually, I don't feel the need to elaborate, because my story mirrors Velveteen's to a T.
As for fat serving a purpose, I've yet to figure out what that would be! The two times in my life where I've been fat were also the most depressing times of my life: 9th grade (social outcast, constantly ridiculed, hated school, ate to make myself feel better, thought I was ugly and nothing would change that, felt like a failure in every aspect of life, contemplated suicide), and before losing weight now (no friends here after having plenty of them in DC where I used to live, financial stress, relationship troubles, thought my "hot" days were over and nothing would change that, felt like a failure in every aspect of life, contemplated suicide... again.)
I've noticed there is a distinctive pattern between fat, depression, and contemplating suicide for me. Usually, when I'm happy with my life, I'm not fat. This time, I had to start losing weight first. I still don't like the town I currently live in very much, but everything in my life has become much more tolerable now that I'm no longer a fat chick but rather a normal sized, athletic, attractive young lady Infact, I'm even happy again!
Lots of good ideas from the earlier posters! Velveteen, so well put! I would just add--that Type A personality can be a help or a hindrance. It's a hindrance when it causes you to think that the laws of physics don't apply to you! (I can say this because I'm pretty Type A myself.)
Once you get your strength of will aligned with your desire to lose weight, you'll have an excellent chance of succeeding! You'll find you can do whatever it takes to lose weight, because you're strong.
Being fat served me though..stopped me having to be social, which scared me, because fat girls arnt even part of that (well, not where I was growing up!).
Now, I have *the guts* to be unsocial and thinner. Wow, what an improvement.
Thanks for all the great responses. I think maybe the point that hit home the most (or points) was life does have a way with interfering with dieting. There ARE always other distractions. Also, now that I think about it, being "fat" directly prohibits me from dating, in my mind.
I stripped through college and was very much a confident person. When I "grew up" and got a real job and decided I didn't WANT or need to be viewed as a sex object anymore, I found it challenging to be taken seriously. I always had to wonder at the motives of guys at work that were nice to me. Being fat has elminated all of that concern. Of course, being unhealthy and tired and sad, doesn't make hiding behind my weight a very logical thing. It's something I didn't even think about until I read this thread.
I want to be energetic and feel good about me again. I want to be able to shop at the "normal" stores and buy clothes that are cute in the summer. I want to be able to work in the yard without wheezing. I want to be able to fly on an airplane without everyone avoding being the person in the middle seat beside the fat girl.
Being fat served me though..stopped me having to be social, which scared me, because fat girls arnt even part of that (well, not where I was growing up!).
Now, I have *the guts* to be unsocial and thinner. Wow, what an improvement.
Why can't I do this???
Infact, I'm even happy again! 
I would just add--that Type A personality can be a help or a hindrance. It's a hindrance when it causes you to think that the laws of physics don't apply to you! 
(I can say this because I'm pretty Type A myself.) 
You'll find you can do whatever it takes to lose weight, because you're strong.
