I burden you guys with so many issues...I'm sorry!
But it really feels like I have no where else to go when I need to vent. And lord knows bottling it up isn't anything but destructive. I don't want to do that. So here begins my rant.
Lately I have been slipping. A lot more than I was when I started this diet. I have not (will not!) gone into my old eating habits, which were so bad I would be embarrassed to even begin sharing. But I have gone back to grazing. Though much less than a few months ago, the fact it is even there frustrates me. I love food, but damn it, I shouldn't let it control me! But some days I do. And it's annoying as heck. I still have my good days, and feel great. Why can't I feel that more often? Blah.
Exercise has become more and more grueling. Most days I dread it. But most days, I do it anyway. How did I look forward to this only a few short weeks ago?
And then comes the emotional issues I am having. Long, long list at the moment. I am so tired. Inside and out. It makes dieting a nightmare most days. But lucky for me, when I am scared to death that my marriage is ending, I don't turn to food for comfort. I also don't exercise. Or drink water. Or move much.
The icing on the cake (that I can have, but not eat, too), TOM is here. So the scale is looking oh-so-very-lovely. I'm up to 306.5 again. Yes, water weight, I'm sure. But it's not a direction I prefer.
So this was long, and annoying, and I'm sorry. Tomorrow will probably be a better day. I am truly a pretty happy person most of the time. I love life. I want to enjoy every second of it. I know things will get better. I know they will work out, one way or another, in the end. They always, always do. I know I can get through this and be strong. I will. I'll get back on track.
We all go through phases like the ones you are describing, so don't get discouraged! There are days I can't even LOOK at salad. I DREAD the thought of eating it. Sometimes, I don't eat any veggies at all. These occasions will get more and more rare for you, as your healthier habits take over. It does get easier, just give it time!
Wow, look how well you have done! 35 lbs is nothing to sneeze at. I am too old now, for TOM, but I remember how bleak everything would look to me during that time. It seemed like nothing would ever be better.
Just keep on keepin' on, and you will feel better. If you stick to plan, you will be so proud of yourself when you get over this "hump".
You are a person of tremendous courage! You may not feel like it right now, but just to begin a weight loss journey takes a tremendous amount of the right stuff. It is HARD, and it's no wonder you feel tired. It wears a person out!
The grazing thing... I know it all too well. I used to allow myself to wander into the kitchen and eat stuff whenever I felt bored, tired, stuck on something, etc. Any reason and every reason. That had to stop.
What helped me was to schedule my eating--three meals, three snacks, and each of them no less than two hours apart. So, eating in between those times was not to happen, period. Also, I planned my options for each of them, so I would not just idly keep putting crackers in my mouth or whatever the food might be. This strategy might help you to stop the grazing.
Are you exercising too hard? Many people think that exercise has to be this difficult, exhausting effort, but really, it's just increased activity. In fact, sometimes it's better NOT to push really hard. I notice you walk for 30 minutes. No need to walk really really fast... just go at a medium pace. You shouldn't feel out of breath or like you can't go on.
I am sorry to hear about your fears re your marriage. All I can offer there is that you need to take care of yourself, and that means, drink your water, be active, and stay with your plan as much as possible. Also, seek the help of friends and family if you can! No need to go through this by yourself.
I know you can get through this, WinterStarzz. I know you can.
35 pounds is nothing to scoff at, at all. Exercising can be difficult to find motivation for sometimes. For instance, I wanted to start the couch to 5K program. I completed the first three weeks and then I just... stopped. Why? Because my legs were sore and I wasn't motivated or energetic enough to complete it.
Sometimes, when I don't see a change in the scale (or if I seem to go up a few pounds for whatever reason), I just feel like binging hardcore to make up for all the stuff I've deprived myself of eating. I graze sometimes also, mostly when bored. One little suggestion I have is that when you want to graze, imagine the body you'd LIKE to have. Close your eyes and picture yourself at your goal weight, and then tell yourself that you may not get there as quickly if you start snacking... UNLESS you graze on really healthy foods, then it's all good , right?
I commend you for not totally binging and losing it, as I see you said you are afraid your marriage might be ending. You're a strong woman. Keep on keeping on.
Winterstarzz.. Sorry that you are feeling mellow today and hoping you will feel better and get back on track soon. Sometimes, we all need a diet break now and then. Sending getting back on track vibes to you!! You are doing great, please keep that in mind!!
Hi WinterStarzz, first off don't feel bad about ranting...we are all here to support each other, and that doesn't mean just the good times! Second, I really admire how you aren't giving up and continue to exercise. It's hard to get going when you dread exercising, I have that problem a lot. As Nightengale said, you seem like you are really strong and determined. You have lost 35 pounds (congratulations, awesome!) and that just proves that you can do it! I think if you keep hanging on, ride the wave, it will pass!
you know how you said that you dont want food to control you?
well dont let it! YOU be in control! i no its easy enough said but if your hungry then have an apple! its dreading enough when that chocolate cake's there and your hand slips past it to the fruit and veggies drawer but once you got one fruit or veggie and had a bite ..... chocolate cake who?
Wow, I hear you. I've been going through a bad period for the last week or so, too. It seems like some days I just don't have the energy to keep putting in all the work to stay on track!
What helps me most when I feel that way is to totally shake things up! Come up with a couple of new, healthy meals you want to try this week. Pick out a totally new exercise to try. Decide to shake up your calorie level. Maybe have one lower calorie day, and one higher calorie. Go get a new weight loss book to inspire you. Try a new aerobics video. Find a friend and take them for a hike. Decide you're going to eat a totally new lunch every day this week. Just something different! Something to get you interested again!
Seriously! (rant)
Exercising can be difficult to find motivation for sometimes. For instance, I wanted to start the couch to 5K program. I completed the first three weeks and then I just... stopped. Why? Because my legs were sore and I wasn't motivated or energetic enough to complete it. 
