Does anyone else here have a serious problem taking any sort of compliment regarding their weight? If someone comes up to me and says "I love your hair" or something I'm totally gracious and pass on any credit that's due. But if someone says "Wow, you're looking great" or "I can really tell you've lost weight" I basically just roll my eyes or come up with some sort of self-deprecating comment.
A friend of mine went off on me for that one day several years ago. Basically he said that I should learn to take a freakin' compliment and not everyone has an ulterior motive or thinks I'm really a fat cow or what have you. Even though his comments has stuck with me, I still can't be gracious about a body-compliment. It's like I want to be proud of what I've done, but I can't accept that anyone else would be proud of me. Not even my DH.
And on a kind of related note, why can't some of my (male) friends understand that if I make a disparaging comment about my body it's not an open invitation to empty flattery. When I say something like "I wish I could get my arms more toned" I don't want to hear a pre-programmed response that my arms are great just the way they are. I know it's kind of a southern gentleman thing, but as a yankee I find it pretty annoying. I'd much rather hear them say "well then, why'd you skip the gym today?"
Hon, you are in the minority if you are NOT looking for a compliment when you tell a guy "I wish I could get my arms more toned." Most men find out really early on that if a woman says something like that, the proper response is definitely not "Yeah, you do have some flab there."
Well--why do you think you have trouble with those body compliments?
Hon, you are in the minority if you are NOT looking for a compliment when you tell a guy "I wish I could get my arms more toned." Most men find out really early on that if a woman says something like that, the proper response is definitely not "Yeah, you do have some flab there."
Well--why do you think you have trouble with those body compliments?
Jay
Hmm....maybe there's some sick part of me that wants the world to see myself as I see myself. I'm a masochistic pessimist I guess.
I completely understand, my boyfriend had to get onto me about not accepting compliments for a while when we started dating because I thought he was just saying it to be nice. It took a couple months to realize it but he really was saying those things because he thought they were true. It's hard to realize that people aren't saying things just cause.
I don't have trouble accepting a compliment in the here and now...but i do have trouble with picture compliments. My daughter put a picture up of me on her myspace. I didn't mind the facial shot but the body shot is just aweful. A friend of mine said i was probably crazy. I told her no....i could see the fat rolls in the top i was wearing. She didn't believe me. I had to pull up the page and show her. She replied back that at least mine wasn't as big as hers. No it might not have been...but it was still there and there for i looked like a fat cow in the picture. I dont' need empty compliments on a body shot. I can see with my own two eyes if a picture looks awful. When i see a body shot i like, i'll let you know i like it. but if it sucks...then by golly...IT SUCKS!!!
Yeah, I've always had trouble accepting a weight loss compliment. For some insane reason, I always think they're secretly making fun of me. Strange, huh?
BTW, Jay....my husband missed the lesson on complementing. I can dig for a complement all day long and he'll never get the message. "Do these jeans make me look fat.....?" Uh oh!! "Did you notice I was wearing makeup, fixed my hair, put in my contacts?"..... I love these southern boys here in Georgia......always ready with a compliment. Yep, Hubby's aint from around here....he's one o' them thare yankees!
I was with my husband one day when he complimented a co-worker on how she'd lost weight and looked great. She started going on and on about why she hadn't lost more and her plans for the foreseeable weightloss future.
As we walked away my husband said to me, "And the proper response was....thank you." It was so funny and so true that I've never forgotten it and I always just try to say thanks and move on.
I think you hit it on the head when you said when someone compliments you on your hair you accept it graciously and give credit where due. The thing is, we beat ourselves up so badly for gaining weight, not being physically "perfect", not being healthy, etc. We constantly blame ourselves. So we do something about through diet and exercise. And when someone notices, the only people we can "credit" is ourselves. It's much easier for me personally to praise others than to praise myself. So, there's my opinion, Dr. Phil style )
I used to have a hard time accepting compliments. I started paying attention to how people respond to compliments, and I heard a guy once say a very pleasant, "why, thank you!" I thought it sounded good, and I went home and practiced it even. Ha ha. Now, whenever I'm complimented, I can rattle that off comfortably if I find myself unsure how to respond.
Ok, here's what a shrink would say - that someone overweight may have used food to begin with as a crutch, a way to deal with emotions, perhaps some self sabatage? I was in a rocky marriage, I started eating to self medicate I suppose - my ex liked to criticize and that I married him to begin with means I had issues. Even when I was tall, thin and had a model type figure in my 20s I was an insecure person. Not only did I not take compliments I didn't believe them. I always thought guys were up to some plot when they wanted to date me, I didn't believe I was good looking - and it didn't make sense. I could walk into a singles place and get all sorts of attention... but in my head I was so critical of myself, perhaps it was my own perfection, and a mix of how I was raised with such incredibly high expectations. I'm not saying you need to go to a shrink or anything but likely if you've been overweight a long time you don't see yourself like THIS. You've had low self esteem for a long time. When people compliment you, you can't just accept it. Self acceptance and self esteem are issues we women need to work on, losing weight isn't just a matter of dropping pounds - certainly you are stronger physcially - now it's time to get stronger mentally and emotionally. Walk tall, walk thin, hold your head up high - you should be so pround to come as far as you have thus far... soon you'll lose a little more and you'll be able to flaunt it a bit with clothes and attitude. And you know what it's ok to be cute, and thin, and to get attention, this might be new for you - but my gosh, compliments are the biggest sign that you have been successful here... go girl
Most men find out really early on that if a woman says something like that, the proper response is definitely not "Yeah, you do have some flab there."
Jay
I feel sorry for guys. Really- they try hard (most of them) to say or do the right thing, and it's never good enough for us.
Tonight, my hubby was telling me my butt is getting much smaller. Instead of me saying "thanks for noticing" I come out with "I don't see any changes at all in my body". Here we were, in the grocery store, arguing about how my butt got much smaller, and I'm telling him "well, sorry, I can't notice back there as I don't see my butt!". I hope no one was listening in our conversation.
When I tell people how much I've lost they always say "Wow thats great!" and my reply always seems to be "Well, yeah but I had to gain it all back before I lost it. So really, it doesn't seem like that much of an accomplishment". They always seem taken back by that.
I was ALWAYS overweight, then did WW about 6 years ago and reached goal (losing 80 pounds). I gained 70 of that back, and now I'm getting close to where I was before, but losing 50+ pounds this time isn't as much of a big deal to me since I did it before and let myself go and gained it back. Anyone else had this happen to them?
Gained back weight lost? Oh no, none of us has had that happen... But I think you meant, it doesn't seem like a big deal because you've done it before. Well--I've lost and regained more than once in my life. But this time seems different because I'm committed to changing my ways and keeping the weight off.
The proper response to a compliment is THANK YOU! (End of story.) It's no wonder a lot of people just don't say anything when someone has lost weight.
I'm guilty, not only of loosing and gaining it back (more than once) but of not taking compliments well. Just last week at WW the leader ask how I had done. I said "I lost 2.8 but I had gaind while on vacation the week before". Even she commented about my adding a "but", I had lost and I should be proud of that without adding the "but". When being cmplimented on my weight loss, I often find my self saying "Thank you but I still have a long way to go". I guess I need to remind myself the "Thank you" is enough.
"Just take the freakin' compliment!"
Most men find out really early on that if a woman says something like that, the proper response is definitely not "Yeah, you do have some flab there." 
I love these southern boys here in Georgia......always ready with a compliment. Yep, Hubby's aint from around here....he's one o' them thare yankees!
