I read on here somewhere in a post, something along the lines of the girl wanting to be slimmer "so she can meet someone and fall in love" or words to that effect.
I met my DH when I was fat, I'd always been "the friend" to guys i liked, so after I got to know him a little while I told him "you're such a terrific guy, I have to find the perfect girl for you" and NO LIE as IF HE SAID "what if YOU'RE the pefect girl for me?" GULP!!!! No WONDER i melted!!! hehehe that was 17 years ago.......sigh......love him more today if that's possible!!!
Question: How many of you have partners you met while big???? Does big matter??? Do many think they have to wait to be thin to deserve being loved??? Very curious
I feel like, whats so special about me? Why would he want me when he could have that (some much skinnier girl than me.) I really dont know anymore, since alot of guys think if a girl is bigger she is easy to get into bed. Like we have absolutly no self worth..
I met my Joe online when I weighed even more than I do right now. Yeah, we are one of those online romance stories you hear about. Anyway, I was so afraid to send him a picture of myself, and was thrilled when he told me how pretty I was and wanted to continue talking to me. He truly loves me for me. He wants me healthy and thin so I can get insurance, and because he knows how much I hate being over weight. He looks at me with so much acceptance and love that losing weight has now become as much for him as it is for myself.
My hubby and I met online, too. When we met, I was about 320. I gained 20 lbs, and he has never had a problem with how I look. In fact, sometimes he compliments me so much, I wonder if it's true! I look at myself in the mirror and see absolutely nothing good, whatsoever. I HATE the way I look. But he always tells me I am beautiful, no matter how much I weight. He has been very supportive of me through this, and is even doing it with me. We're in the same boat as far as our weight is concerned, so it has been nice to have a weight loss partner in my partner, lol. Although it's really not fair, because guys will always have weight loss easier than girls. That's okay, though...I'll love him anyways.
I wasn't as big as I am now when I met my fiancee (been together 4 years) but I was a pretty healthy girl LOL. As the weight crept up, he never said a word. He told me I was beautiful the whole way to 224..Then I decided I had had enough LOL. He gets so mad at me if I say I'm fat. He tells me that I must be looking at someone else in that mirror, because I am round and beautiful.
I weighed about 170 when I met my ex. I weighed 260 when we split. He rarely complained, but our relationship suffered. I have tried online dating and ran into the same guys that Stacie did. One guy came right out and said that he could take care of "my needs"! lol I have yet to find one that likes me for me, no matter what I weigh. Just last week I created a profile on Match.com. I got an email from a man and responded. He wrote back once. Then I posted a picture of me and I never heard from him again. I didn't like the picts I posted, so I took one off. Today I had my son take the one of me and Trixie and I am going to post that. Once my 30 days are up, I am cancelling my subscription. I am going to quit trying again. I'm just not ready to cope with the rejection. The only guys that compliment me are over 60 and married. Its sad and very defeating. I wonder if its just the small town guys or if its the same in larger cities.
Those of you with spouses/fiance's/boyfriends that adore you are very lucky!
I have a lot of work to do on my body self-esteem. It's basically in the crapper most days. I have a lot of issues with weight and love-- long story short, my dad is pretty awful to my mom regarding her weight. When that is the relationship model you've lived with the longest, it's hard to imagine that it can be different, even when logic tells you it can be. My therapist wants me to start online dating. It made me burst into tears when she told me. The thought of the rejection (even though that's part of it for anyone thin or fat) is almost more than I can take right now. Then she told me I need to go to one of the sites for "large girls". Why did that bother me so much? All I could think was that I don't want someone that is specifically looking for a "large girl" because a) I have no intention of remaining "large" and b) I don't want to be someone's fetish. I'm sure this is an unfair assessment of those sites, but it really ticked me off.
Please keep sharing your happy stories though -- they are inspiring! Maybe someday I'll have the guts and esteem to try...
I met my husband at work. I was about 200 when we worked together and then he stopped working there. We were both in relationships at the time. Then about 6 months later we met again through some mutual friends. we had both broken up with our significant others. And I had lost about 30 pounds. I was about 170 and feeling very good about myself. Then after we got together, I dont know if I was happy or what happened but over a period of like 2 years I had gained about 75 pounds. He has loved me through all the ups and downs. I want to be healthier for me, but I know that our relationship would be some much better. It is hard for me to believe him when he tells me that he thinks that I am beautiful or hot and sexy. Sometimes I get mad because I think to myself "why is he saying that stuff. why is he trying to be mean." because I dont think that about myself and then I have to smack myslef upside my head and tell myself that he really does think that about me. And I want to lose weight and get healthy so I can think that about me too. I want to be happy with myself so when he tells me that I am sexy and hot I can look him in the eyes and take the comment.
I met my bf when I was "bigger", I wasn't THAT large really, about 160-170, and on my frame thats about a size 10-12. He doesn't care about my weight, but thats because he's in love with ME, not my weight.
On that same thing, I was ALWAYS the larger one of all my friends, they were all 130 and I was 30 pounds bigger than them. But when we went out - I was the one attracting the guys.. so does weight matter? In my experience only a little! I was outgoing, not worried about rejection - which I think is a BIG thing! When you aren't worried about someone rejecting you, and just assume they are going to want you, it's a whole different ballgame. However, I have always been into taking care of myself, doing my makeup, making sure my hair looks good, wearing clothes that flatter, and just making to sure to play up my assets. Like, I have nice eyes, so I make sure my eyebrows are groomed nicely.
I have a lot of work to do on my body self-esteem. It's basically in the crapper most days. I have a lot of issues with weight and love-- long story short, my dad is pretty awful to my mom regarding her weight. When that is the relationship model you've lived with the longest, it's hard to imagine that it can be different, even when logic tells you it can be. My therapist wants me to start online dating. It made me burst into tears when she told me. The thought of the rejection (even though that's part of it for anyone thin or fat) is almost more than I can take right now. Then she told me I need to go to one of the sites for "large girls". Why did that bother me so much? All I could think was that I don't want someone that is specifically looking for a "large girl" because a) I have no intention of remaining "large" and b) I don't want to be someone's fetish. I'm sure this is an unfair assessment of those sites, but it really ticked me off.
Please keep sharing your happy stories though -- they are inspiring! Maybe someday I'll have the guts and esteem to try...
No offense to your therapist but I find her advice to be very rude and insulting to you. She must not have any idea what it is like to be overweight and wanting to be loved for what is inside and not for what we look like on the outside. I would never want someone who only wanted me for my body type no matter what that body type was.
I understand about your parents as well. My father has always treated my mom's weight problems in the most emotionally abusive way imaginable. I think it is one of the reasons I find it hard to understand how my Joe can treat me with so much love and kindness. I am absolutely not allowed to call myself fat. You hang in there and keep working on making yourself happy and your happy love story will happen.
I met my fiancee when I was 265, we met on a blind date and I was sure he would run since I was such a "big girl" but he didnt. He loves me he thinks I am pretty, smart and fun. I guess the fact that I have more fat on my body than normal doesnt matter to him. He has put on 40lbs+ weight since we got together for which I feel responsible for in a way he was very active before he moved in with me. So I am trying to incorperate a healthier lifestyle so that we can both lose weight now. He has already lost 30lbs himself and I have lost 20 something. I have a long way to go 140lbs and he has about 30lbs more. He is very patient with me even when I slip up he is not mean just supportive of me. I feel embarrassed a lot around him, like while exercising I cannot keep up with him at all and Im sweating and huffing and puffing while he waits for me to catch up, I hate that feeling it makes me want to hide somewhere! He says I should not be embarrased around him though, I am too self consious!!!
And to the ladies worried about guys not liking them. If they do not like you because you have more of a type of body tissue than "normal" people....I mean that is what "being fat" is. That is stupid. they are missing out on someone really special in their lives. If you meet a guy who in only interested in a number on a scale I doubt he has anything to offer a girl with intelligence. There are great guys out there!!! It feels like sometimes it takes forever to find them! Hang in there ladies!
I understand about your parents as well. My father has always treated my mom's weight problems in the most emotionally abusive way imaginable. I think it is one of the reasons I find it hard to understand how my Joe can treat me with so much love and kindness.
That's the same boat I'm in girls. My dad was always mean to my mom (and me) about our weight. He's really nice to me now, but still rude to mom.
I met Louis online too. Three cheers for online gaming. I weighed about 240 when I met him, dropped 25 pounds almost immediately (carrots and saltines = not healthy), and then let him fly out to meet me. He already knew I was a big girl, us having exchanged pics (I seriously almost hyperventilated when I clicked send that night). He gave me the best hug EVER when he got off that plane.
I've gained...almost a hundred pounds since then (3+ years) and he still loves me for me. We're two of the goofiest people out there and we have so much fun. He's always told me I'm beautiful and that he loves me. He gets mad when I make mean comments about myself or make the "yeah right" face when he compliments me.
It's out there girls. This thread is a testament to that. You just have to be patient. If all you find are jerk guys who care more about your body's size than the person you are, then maybe look somewhere new. Or better yet, stop looking...that's when I found mine.
And most of us who have these great men still feel yucky. How we feel about ourselves is our issue, not someone else's. Until we can accept our bodies for what they are, we're not going to believe anyone who tells us something that contradicts our mental image of ourselves.
I I was outgoing, not worried about rejection - which I think is a BIG thing! When you aren't worried about someone rejecting you, and just assume they are going to want you, it's a whole different ballgame.
Agreed. My DH is thrilled with my weightloss, but tells me constantly that the absolute sexiest thing about the "new me" is my confidence.
I met my DH at about 165, I was 183 when we got married and gained 75+ lbs in 5 years. Other than my attitude about it, my weight has never influenced our relationship. I know without a doubt that DH loved me as much at 260 lbs as he did at 165 lbs. And, he's always tended toward the other end of the weight scale so I know he doesn't "get" how I feel. He was 155 when we got married (at 6'1"), too thin. He now hovers at a very healthy 180 lbs. Hehe... in fact, my next mini goal is to weigh less than him. For the first time ever.
Regardless of my weight, DH has always been supportive and loving. Like I said, the thing he's most excited about these days is my joy and confidence. Of course, there are some pretty nice benefits that go along with that confidence...
No offense to your therapist but I find her advice to be very rude and insulting to you. She must not have any idea what it is like to be overweight and wanting to be loved for what is inside and not for what we look like on the outside. I would never want someone who only wanted me for my body type no matter what that body type was.
Pita, OMG thank you so much for saying that!!!! I just thought I was being overly sensitive. She said something like, "there are lots of guys who specifically look for girls who are your size." GAH! I wanted to slap her. All I did was cry. That is SO not what I want. I want my weight not to matter. And that is totally different than what she is suggesting.
Love & Stuff :)
Anyway, I was so afraid to send him a picture of myself, and was thrilled when he told me how pretty I was and wanted to continue talking to me. He truly loves me for me. He wants me healthy and thin so I can get insurance, and because he knows how much I hate being over weight. He looks at me with so much acceptance and love that losing weight has now become as much for him as it is for myself. 
