I'm sure a lot of you don't want to hear this, but I'm so discouraged and down about my weight that I need an outlet... I think the first step to overcoming a challenge is acknowledging it. Maybe some of you feel the same as I do... But here it goes..

I've been overweight for most of my life. When I was younger I had a hard time with it. I got teased and of course I've always been boy crazy... so go figure, none of the boys would give me the attention I yearned for. And that hurt too. After high school I was in an emotionally abusive relationship that, after 2.5 years, I finally had the strength to get out of. At that time I lost 30 lbs over the course of 4 or 5 months. I was on top of the world. I was proud of getting out of that relationship and I was also proud of the weight loss. And for a while there I was confortable in my skin... But now I've gained back 20 of those pounds and I've also gained a really bad self-image. I'm completely disgusted by my body. I weight 251 pounds and it makes me sick to my stomach to think about how I look. But I don't feel this way about other people who are overweight... Just me. And I'm sure that I'll never find a man worth having as long as I carry this extra weight.

I know what I need to do to get healthy, but this time I can't find the will power to eat the salad instead of the fried chicken sandwhich... And I can't seem to get myself to the gym to start an exercise routine again... I need help getting motivated. In my head I know that I NEED to lose the weight for HEALTH reasons, but that's not my only motivation... I wanna look good too...

Sara.... big hugs!! First of all, let me say... you are a VERY pretty girl!! Your picture is great.
Your post sounds familiar. I've often felt that way too. It's amazing how hard it is for us to accept ourselves.
And maybe when you were younger the boys were interested because of your weight. But now that you're older, hopefully the guys are more mature and there ARE a lot of guys who love a girl with a great personality, regardless of her weight. That being said, you need to be happy. That's hard, believe me, I know. But if you're also sad and disgusted about yourself, it will show.
There are stores that sell clothing for bigger women and those clothes look amazing!! You definitely are beautiful, you just need to realize it.
But of course, we are all on your side and want you to lose weight. Yes, it's hard to get motivated. Baby steps! That's all you need to take. Baby steps. Take a walk today. Drink water instead of soda (if you drink soda). Eat an apple. Anything. Just do something. It WILL get easier. Especially when you start losing!!
Are you planning any kind of diet plan? I do WW and I love it.
Feel free to PM me on here... I'd love to help you out. You can also check me out on myspace... I'm Treighsie there too.

*hugs*

Sara,

Getting started is the hardest part, you know. Once you get into the swing of things and see your body changing, you start WANTING to eat right and work out because you have a goal and a vision in mind that you'd like to achieve. I gained around fifty pounds and carried that extra weight for a whole year before I finally got motivated enough to do something. Being fat leads to insecurities, but it's also comfortable, you know? The couch is comfortable. Comfort foods are comfortable. Exercise is UNcomfortable, and watching what you eat can feel so depressing at first (HUNGER is UNcomfortable, too, and when you first start dieting before you get the hang of it, HUNGER can HAPPEN!)... but girl, get your butt in gear, anyway! You'll love yourself more for it, and yes, start loving the way you look physically. It's AMAZING how much better you can feel when you know you're doing something good for yourself.

PS: you ARE pretty.

Sara,
A ton of people have a really bad body/self image, even those who are ultra thin! My sister has a figure like Jennifer Aniston, and all she can talk about is how one side of her rib cage sticks out further than the other and that she has thicker ankles than she should at 95 lbs. As someone who has also been overweight my whole life, this drives me crazy, but I know she's being completely honest about it. Anyway, my point about this is that a lot of people have negative body images, but what is your overall self image? What is it you like about yourself and what things have you already accomplished that you are proud of?

As far as getting the willpower and motivation to lose weight, I highly recommend the Beck Diet Solution book. It's a cognitive therapy approach to weight loss. It has completely changed how I think about food and hunger. It's not a diet plan, per se. It really teaches you how to think like thin people do. Maybe you can check it out at your local library? I feel weird recommending it when I haven't lost very much weight yet (I've only been doing it for about a month), but I've never felt this much in control before, and I know I'll be successful.

As far as finding a man who will love you goes, turn the question around. Could you love a man even though he had weight to lose but had a lot of other great qualities? Honestly, you don't want someone who is very interested in appearance...what happens when you get old or someone who is more attractive hits on him? I know there are wonderful men out there who would love to date you.

Many of us judge others much less harshly than ourselves, but sometimes you really have to almost form an "alter ego," to give yourself the credit you're due. Look in the mirror and try to imagine it isn't a mirror, but a very dear friend (you can and need to be your own best friend). Ok look at that dear friend, and give her your full support.

I think it helps to literally look at yourself as if you were a seperate person. If you hated someone, and thought they were horrible, would you want to be there for them, support them, help them succeed and enjoy life?

Working on losing weight, getting healthier, and/or more physically fit can be viewed as punishing ourselves for being bad, but I think it really does make it easier and more successful, if we look at it as finding ways to reward and pamper ourselves because we're worth it.

You have to learn to love yourself, before you look for someone who will love you. I think other people "read" us pretty well, and if we don't value ourselves, others follow our lead, and "take our word for it," that we're not worth very much. We end up attracting people who will reinforce our poor opinion of ourselves.

Loving yourself may seem like a monumental task, but you can do it. And it will be worth it.

Sara-

I don't know a single woman, of any size,thick or thin who hasn't felt this way at one point or another. From my experience, it's not a lack of will power that's holding you back, but maybe some self-defeating thinking. I say it's not will power because you've already proved to be a very strong person- you left an abusive relationship because you knew it wasn't healthy. I think when people get down on themselves, and have self defeating thoughts, thats what holds them back from losing weight.

As far as getting started, the begining IS the hardest part. In the past, some things that have worked for me is to say to myself, "okay, even if I eat nothing but junk all day, I will eat this one meal healthy" and then later "okay I will eat two meals healthy" and working my way up to three healthy meals a day. I do the same with excersize, "I can lay on the couch all day, but I must spend 20 minutes at the gym" and I find once I am there, it's easy to keep going. And once the pounds start comming off, you'll be unstoppable.

Another important thing to remember is that you're working for progress, not perfection. That means if you do choose the fried chicken sandwich for lunch, thats okay, but work at making a healthier choice for dinner. If you don't make it to the gym 5 days a week, but only made it 3, all is not lost, you're still working towards your goal. The weight didn't come on in a single meal, and it's not going to come off in a single meal.

And there are always the people at this board to help motivate/cheerlead when you really need it. I've only been here for a few weeks and already I'm seeing changes in both my body and my mind.

What a very insightful post, Kate. I agree.

Sara, the girls are all right on target; we all have felt this way (and some still do). I think that once you work on focusing on the positives about yourself--- and not just physical appearance, because that isn't the whole of who you are--- you might be able to be more successful at losing the weight in the long term.

Hey Sara,

I know I'm echoing a lot of what others have already said here.. but I have to say that I completely understand how it feels to be disgusted by how you look, and how you feel like no one will care for you because of the weight. I was also the kid that was picked on for most of my elementry/jr. highschool years. I actually gained a ton of weight around 11yrs old, I was actually 91lbs.. and all the kids made sure to remind me of how terrible i looked.. which in turn made me feel fat and ugly on the inside too. I lost some weight in Jr. High just from doing sports etc, the last time i ever weighed myself when I was in highschool I was 175lbs, but I didn't even care. I wasn't worried about weight. By 10th grade most of the name callers left me alone, and I didn't feel as if I was getting fat. I just ate what I wanted. Ive dieted on again and off again, Im now 209.. but I managed to get myself down to 190lb.. but I fell off the wagon again. I completely understand the frustration.

Secondly, Im so glad that you got out of that abusive relationship, because I'm sure that took a toll on your self-esteem. And I think you are a beautiful woman, if some man doesn't want you because of your weight then he isn't worth it. Of course I'm guilty of those feelings too. I starting dating my boyfriend at 19 (I was probably 30lbs thinner than I am now) and now that I've gained weight I'm scared he might look at other women too. Of course I was always self conscious so.. I know in my heart after being with him for 5 yrs that he's with me for good, BUT theres always that worry because of how I look or really how i FEEL about myself even though he tells me I'm beautiful etc.

And I DO know the difficulty too of choosing that good food over the bad food. Why does the bad food taste SO good????? I think as far as eating healthier goes, well I know when I lost weight I started small, substituting french friends for a side salad when i'd get a sandwich out.. and just trying to NOT eat the whole plate of food. I need to start doing this again.. because I binged when I was at my Nana's house. She had all these cookies/cakes out.. and I also find I eat when I'm bored or..eat just to eat which is another big hurdle to overcome.

Anyway sorry I didn't mean to make this about me at all. But YOU CAN DO THIS, you're doing great so far and I think if we all stick together in this, and support each other through the forums we can definitely do this.

You may also want to try fitday.com (if you haven't) to try and keep track of your calorie intake and exercise. Even a walk around the block is still something! I also think reading and seeing all the success stories people have posted here is a motivation booster.

I wish you a ton of luck, know you're not alone in how you feel!!!!!

Sara doll,

I'm not fat. But I still hate my figure. I like to whine and complain at times. But the truth is I should be perfectly happy with my figure. Sometimes I can't help myself but to complain, even when I'm perfectly fine physically. It's just an emotional thing. If you met me, I'd give you permission to slap me if I ever became unhappy with my body. I hate my calves because I think they're thick and I wished I had skinnier arms and a skinner face and etc, etc , etc. These days, I am very happy to have 2 arms and 2 legs and bdy organs that function like they should. It's just 2% of the time when I become discouraged. Having that said, I hope you feel better about your physical being. We all need a little encouragement sometimes.