So Tonight I came home and my bf had ordered chinese food for dinner. He had already ate his and was getting off to bed when I came home. He ordered me some food and had it sitting there for me to eat when I got home. (10 PM!)
Now in the past I would have gobbled it up and loved him for getting it for me but now I dont want to eat that late and I dont want to eat Chinese Food.
I did however eat some lol He was still up and chit chatting so I didnt want to offend hom by saying I didnt want it. So I started eating it. I ate the rice and the pea pods and threw the rest in the bottom of the garbage can after he went to sleep.
Now my question is how would you handle the situation? He orders take out a lot because I work at night and he doesnt want to cook. Because of the way he is I know he would get offended if I said I didnt want the chinese food. I hate to think that he is spending money on food that I am just going to throw away.
Have you shared your goals with him? I found that really helped me with my husband (not that I still don't feel bad sometimes when he accidently buys me something that I can't eat or when he wants to go out for pizza but doesn't because he doesn't want to do it without me). I also shared with him, in as much detail as he wanted, what foods I felt comfortable eating and which ones I wanted to avoid. I also let him know that it wouldn't be forever--that when I reached my goal I could occasionally have a cocktail again or go out for a slice of pizza. Would it work to request a specific type of food next time he gets take-out (you said you ate some of the rice and veggies--how about a veggie dish without sauce?)? That way instead of talking about weight loss, you could be like "Hey, I like XXX. Can you get that for me next time?"
But if you don't feel comfortable having that type of conversation with him, you'll either have to eat the food (and you don't want to do that!) or throw the food away (which would be your 2nd best option, I guess, if you really don't feel as if you can talk to him about this). If I was in the position to make that choice I would reason that throwing it away was better than throwing it all over myself (which is what you're doing really--when you eat food you neither want or need! It sticks right to you).
If you haven't already, I would just sit him down and tell him you're trying to lose weight and want to try to eat healthily. If you have, tell him that you appreciate his thinking of you, but Chinese food doesn't fit into your "diet." Sometimes ya just gotta be direct. Is there a more specific reason why you are afraid he will react negatively?
Because you are living together, it's appropriate to let him in on your change in eating habits. At the same time, he should be able to eat what he wants. So, tell him that when he orders Chinese or whatever else, just to order for himself and not for you, too. If you are smiling and kind about your request, why would he be offended? You can tell him that you love it when he thinks of you, but for now it's better that he not bring you food. Tell him to bring flowers! In other words, keep it light hearted and don't over-involve him in what you're doing. Then plan for your own meals.
I like the idea of just telling him that you're trying to lose a few pounds and please next time he gets Chinese, could he please just get you the steamed veggies?
he has to know you are trying to lose weight if you've lost 50 pounds aleady...
the question then is why is he trying to sabatogue you?
personally I would not care about offending him. i'd just say "No thanks, it's too late to eat and chinese food is full of sugar and fat, but i truly appreciate you thinking about me".... if he blows up he has an agenda... and he's trying to keep you fat and unhealthy.
Could I suggest, since he doesn't like to cook (my DH LOVES to cook, but cooks horribly!) AND that you are trying to lose weight but don't have time, when you get home, to make much of a meal yourself....that IF you haven't eaten already (which, if you did, why can't you call and let your bf know, so he won't worry about getting you something?) you get some things at the market that translate into quickly put-together meals. (Or ask your bf to pick up what you need). My old stand-by for those nights when I'm late is a bag-o-salad (I'm sure they have bags of salad in every market, everywhere) which can easily be turned into a (Voila!!!!!) CHEF'S SALAD with some deli ham strips, deli turkey strips, (Nix on the cheese if you're counting calories, unless you find some of that pretend-soy cheese like I did for 35 calories a slice) and whatever else you want to throw in...a little cuke, a little tomato, maybe a few sliced black olives - I'm doing high fiber, too, so I top mine with a handful of Fiber One cereal. All that takes approximately five minutes to put together, and you can do it yourself while chatting with bf if he has the ingredients there for you, eh? OH! And Wishbone has come out with these GREAT spray-on salad dressings! They taste teriffic, and I believe they're only one calorie per spray! I use them all the time, now. Mostly the Asian Silk, which is gingery and I love it! I also buy flatbreads - the high fiber, multi-grain, low carb, low calorie kind, and might put someof that chef's salad right into a wrap to eat.
PS. Why wouldn't you include your bf in your weight loss effort? That way, he'd KNOW not to get you Chinese, yes?
Without touching on the root of the problem (everyone else has given great advice to that already), here's how I deal with those "surprise! please eat this" food situations which happen so often when my in-laws visit. It takes some dicipline, but you obviously have plenty of that already so it's not an issue, but I just eat "half". Half can mean actually half, or just the peapods and rice like you did. Then I take the leftovers, pack them up really nicely, and put them in the fridge saying I'll eat them for lunch tomorrow. Now, somehow, that leftover gets stuck waaay at the back of the fridge behind the pickles and catsup jars so it's forgotten.
So a next week when I clean out the fridge it's "oh, darn, I totally forgot to eat those leftovers"
Not a perfect system, I know, but it works as a holdover until I feel up to dealing with the root of the issue.
I had this same exact problem. My boyfriend was always bringing home food from various restaurants (some Chinese or Italian and some fast food, whatever he was in the mood for at the time) and I found that I simply could NOT sit down and eat all of that stuff.
I told him one simple thing: Go ahead and pick up food for yourself and don't worry about me, I'll find something when I get home.
So he doesn't bring me home food anymore. Problem solved.
However, he knows that when he gets Chinese to get me the steamed chicken and vegetables and has, over time, learned which foods to get me from what restaurant. It's simply been a matter of time and educating him on what I'll eat and what I WON'T eat and we have a little rule - if he's stopping somewhere to pick up food, he'll call me and tell me where he's going. I then have the choice to accept or decline and, if I accept, I tell him what to get me.
He knows I am trying to lose weight. He just doesnt seem to understand that eating Chinese Food isnt a good way to lose weight.
No offense to New Yorkers lol But he was/is one and has this attitute that makes me want to drill him sometimes. His mom was a stay at home mom and thats what he wants me to act like but in the meantime I work. I know he wants me to be home making dinner but I am at work. So he orders take out. And for me to say I didnt want to eat the take out he bought would give him an attitude.
You would have to know his personality. He can be a jerk sometimes but I still love him. Because I KNOW I am mean as a bear sometimes too. A match made in Heaven I like to think lol
He knows I am trying to lose weight. He just doesnt seem to understand that eating Chinese Food isnt a good way to lose weight.
Unfortunately, I didn't used to understand this either, LOL
Everyone has given you some great tips. But at the end of the day, you're the one in control. You're in control of what you eat and how much, regardless of what's put in front of you. I feel your pain, I hated these little "gifts" of food because I knew it was just a waste of money, that I'd end up pitching it out anyway. Or what I'd do is tell my boyfriend he could have it. He didn't really take as much offense as I thought he would and eventually got the picture. I was like, "Sweetie, I really appreciate you thinking of me, but I've got to watch what I eat and I just can't be consuming all of this take-out food. Please, just get something for yourself and don't worry about me, I'll find something of my own to eat."
They eventually get the drift
By the way, congrats on the weight you've lost so far, you're doing super!
He knows I am trying to lose weight. He just doesnt seem to understand that eating Chinese Food isnt a good way to lose weight.
No offense to New Yorkers lol But he was/is one and has this attitute that makes me want to drill him sometimes. His mom was a stay at home mom and thats what he wants me to act like but in the meantime I work. I know he wants me to be home making dinner but I am at work. So he orders take out. And for me to say I didnt want to eat the take out he bought would give him an attitude.
You would have to know his personality. He can be a jerk sometimes but I still love him. Because I KNOW I am mean as a bear sometimes too. A match made in Heaven I like to think lol
nope i get it.
totally.
can you talk to him and post a list of appropriate carryout or things from the carryouts that are acceptable so that you can comprimise?
Also, not to be sexist, but men are practical. Just saying "takeout is bad" doesn't help them. Maybe explain what is the healthier option for you, such as steamed veggies/chicken as mentioned earlier. Then at least he has a practical option to help you out, rather than not getting you anything.
I found the easiest way to avoid offense to others is just to tell them exactly what I'm doing - what I'm measuring, why I will/won't eat certain things, how much I lost each week and HOW. My mum constantly says "oh, one won't hurt". I have to say "you're right, but one every day will!" and make it into a kind of joke. I know she just doesn't want me to be deprived, so I've had to explain how much better I feel since losing the weight, and how it's MUCH more valuable to me than eating some chocolate.
Let him eat what he wants to eat; you eat what you want/need to eat. Each person is an individual - there is no law that says you have to eat what's put in front of you, or just because someone else bought/cooked it, whatever. No words need even be spoken about it, unless he brings up the issue. So if there's chinese food (or whatever) sitting there for you, nothing says you HAVE to eat it. Just wrap it up, put it in the fridge, and eat whatever you want/need for YOUR diet needs.
And if he DOES bring it up? "why didn't you eat the chinese food I left out for you?" just smile politely & say "Sorry hon! I wasn't in the mood for chinese." And leave it at that.
How not to offend?
You can tell him that you love it when he thinks of you, but for now it's better that he not bring you food. Tell him to bring flowers! In other words, keep it light hearted and don't over-involve him in what you're doing. Then plan for your own meals.
