I am pretty proud of myself. In the past month I joined a gym and began working out 3 days a week with a personal trainer. I feel wonderful and my husband is thrilled that I am feeling so good about myself. Two days ago I started the Extreme Fat Smash Diet, so far so good. My husband is supportive.
I made the mistake of telling my mother I started this diet yesterday and I have had nothing but commentary from her-all negative. She literally called me hours later and asked me what I was having for dinner-when I said beans, she said, "oh, your still doing that diet?" WHAT???? My mother is easily 2x my size and has been for the 40 years I am on this earth. She is perpetually unhappy with herself, but refuses to do anything about it. My husband says she is just jealous that I am taking steps to better myself and that she doesn't have the willpower to help herself. Today she called me and asked me what I will do if we have a family bbq in a very snitty tone. Then added, "are you going to bring your own food?". I was so aggravated that I told her no-we will just opt out of such a gathering for now and that I needed people to support me and I'd hope my family would be respectful of my wanting to be healthy. She changed her tune momentarily...but tomorrow is another day-and another opportunity for her hurtful and negative comments. Believe it or not, with everything else, my mother is wonderful. Does anyone else have issues with someone in your family trying to sabatoge your dieting and fitness goal? Just when I was feeling good about myself, she managed to burst my bubble with the flick of her tongue.
I feel so sorry for your pain--and I also feel sorry for your mom! I think all you can do is try to distance yourself from her hurtful comments. She is probably upset because if you change, then what will she do?
You could try to include her, but it sounds like that might be a touchy subject. Maybe just let things simmer down--if I were you, I would change the subject if she called and wanted to talk about my eating and diet. I just would opt not to discuss it with her!
Remember, you can lose weight with or without her support. If she tries to sabotage you at family gatherings, then you'll have to find a way to deal with that--by perhaps taking your own food, or taking a healthy dish for everyone to share! Whatever it takes!
I don't have any saboteurs--although I do have some friends who always buy a package of sweet rolls when I'm going to be staying over because they want me to have something for breakfast. I always take my own food anyway, but I haven't told them to change. Interestingly, last time I stayed with them, they said they didn't buy any sweet rolls because I never ate them. Whew!
It's a shame when this happens. I wonder if your mother somehow deep down feels threatened. Right now, you have a key thing in common with her: You're both overweight. It's a cliche, but misery does love company, and maybe your mother somehow thinks that if you lose weight, she'll have one less thing in common with you.
Also, it might be guilt. Perhaps she realizes that she should do something about her weight, and seeing that you're doing something while she isn't makes her feel guilty.
I know it's difficult, but don't let her negativity bring you down. I wouldn't even discuss the diet with her if I were you. Don't give her the opportunity to say something negative.
By the way, I liked your response to her during your phone conversation. Keep reminding her that you need support; this may make her think twice before saying anything negative.
Thank you both for the support and encouragement. It has taken me a long time to get to the point where I am doing something about my weight.
I guess it is true that misery loves company and I suppose my mother feels she's losing her food and fat companion. I am safe to be around because we are essentially the same. I am doing all I can to be my own cheerleader (with a lot of help from my husband too). I was very depressed for such a long time so emotionally, I just cannot handle trying to perk my mom up or trying to convince her to join me in the ride to weight loss, I am struggling day to day all on my own.
I just didn't expect the negativity from my own mom. All my life when I was growing up she warned me not to let myself get like her. I didn't. Up until 2 years ago I was 140lbs. Heart surgery and Prednisone packed 55lbs on me in about 6 months. When I was thin my mom told me I was too skinny (okay, I was), when I put on weight, she was the first to point it out to me. Now that I am doing something to get back to a healthy weight she is knocking me. I can't win. I'm kinda sorry I told her about my new diet and fitness venture, but I definitely will try and avoid the topic with her from now on. I am determined (after many failed and half heart attempts) to succeed this time!
My best friend. I didn't tell her that I was dieting. It's been 2 months and she has asked a few times if I've lost. I told her I had a cold. I am not sure why your mom would be doing this, she must feel threatened. Maybe she is afraid you will fail? Maybe she doesn't want to face her own weight issues?
Anyway, don't tell her how much you are doing. Just share with us. I told my friend 7 lbs and I keep saying the same thing. Her husband noticed and she shussed him. That was kind of funny.
Alison, you can do it! Also, the weight loss web forums (like this one, of course) are really great for keeping your motivation up. You'll see that many other people are going through similar struggles, and somehow that makes the struggle a bit easier. I'm sure you've already found the Fat Smash support group around here, so that should help.
I have trouble telling anyone I'm dieting, except my boyfriend and my mom. My aunt is very obese and had a failed gastric bypass surgery - and when I gained weight with my pregnancy, she'd put great effort into convincing me that I looked better fat. I let it spurn my complacency. Now I'm visiting her in a week - she eats mostly McDonald's, Taco Bell, and at restaurants. So I know my food choices won't suit her fancy and she'll tell me I'm skinny already. I hope I don't cave in. :P
My skinny mother, who was a lifelong smoker since the age of 14 died a month & 1/2 before her 60th birthday. This was half my lifetime ago. But your words brought back her strange ambivalence toward me.
Let me start by saying I was not a fat kid. When my body started to change around age 10, I was still a decent size (I weighed 118 in 8th grade, 1963). But to listen to her (because I was larger than she was), you would have thought I was the size I am now (197, down from 211). Her "pet names" for me included "FatAss". Whenever she would buy sweet rolls, she would say, "But you can't have any, because you're too fat." Then, in a couple days when they started to get stale & she didn't want to have wasted her money, then all of a sudden, I could have some. In other words, she treated me as if I were the human garbage disposal. Sadly, because we equate food with maternal love (& I'd wanted some sweetrolls anyway), I would cave in & eat them. But I was still aware of the irony, although she never was.
Good luck. DO stick to your resolve. Her problems are just that--HER problems. Do your best to ignore them, do NOT make them yours, for they really are not.
I hope the support you get from your husband will help you through this as well, or better, that things will go allright with your mother and she will realize, after what you've told her on the phone, that this is important for you and that she shouldn't try to take you down. (Maybe she doesn't exactly realize it herself, too--sometimes we say and do things and only after do we realize how nasty they were, and wondering why this happened in the first place.)
Would itbe possible perhaps to simply not say you're "on a diet"? I'm not advocating trying to please people or (heck!) giving up, but simply not saying the word 'diet'. In most people, it raises images of living only off crappy salads, drinking protein shakes and depriving ourselves from the 'fun' foods, and I think this may fuel saboteur's snide remarks and attitudes even more. Maybe "I'm making sure I eat enough of the good stuff and not much of the bad" would work better--and if you're anything like me, it would help you as well, as a moral support. (I mean that it's always more encouraging and comforting to tell ourselves "I can have ALL of those veggies and fruits" rather than "I am NEVER ALLOWED TO EAT a slice of pie. EVER".)
In any case, I think you did right by telling her you needed support and would opt out of a gathering like this if you couldn't get it, especially that from the tone of it, it sounded like some kind of BBQ organized just to spite you??
Have you sat down with your mother and seriously explained to her how much her behavior hurts you? Maybe she just doesn't realize what she's doing and the effect it has on you and the seriousness of this change for you.
Yeah, my mom is a little bit out there sometimes and I definitely think she brought up the whole BBQ thing just to kind of torture me. I just don't get it as I could not imagine doing that to my kids. She is one of those people that revel in controversy and gets some weird thrill out of being a witch (okay, I wanted to say the b-word, but I figured that witch was sufficient).
Sitting my mother down for a talk would only spur her bad behavior on. It would give her the satisfaction that she is getting to me. I know...very odd for a mom to be like that, but not all moms are from Little House on the Prarie. I do distance myself a lot from her in general because she can be a downer.
Now we are a very Italian family-every occassion revolves around food. No matter what we are celebrating-we EAT! Until I gained, I never really realized that we cannot all get together in my family without throwing down the food in a big way. It does make me want to skip out of a lot though because my willpower can only be stretched so far.
My husband has been good about reminding me to stay on track. He is genetically blessed and can eat like nobodys business without gaining an ounce! Ugh...to have that type of metabolism-I WISH! He does go out on the patio or in another room when he has his nightly goodies, so that is making things easier on the homefront. My kids...OMG...they are teens and their diet is trash (normal for all teens I guess). If I could just eradicate all sweets and no-no's from the house, I think I'd do okay, but that is not possible, so I have to live with that temptation.
Today I got a call from mom and thankfully she did not mention the diet. My husband had to bring her a pot she left over here last week when we had a party for Father's Day (see what I mean about the food?). He said if she says anything about my diet to him he will shut her down. Maybe she will get the hint after a while. I definitely will not bring it up to her again.
Anyone have a saboteur around them?
I think all you can do is try to distance yourself from her hurtful comments. She is probably upset because if you change, then what will she do? 
I always take my own food anyway, but I haven't told them to change. Interestingly, last time I stayed with them, they said they didn't buy any sweet rolls because I never ate them. Whew! 
