[FatCousin]

Between menopause and a recent breast cancer scare, I undid all the good i've done the past year. I'm angry with myself, but also find I blame hubby for indulging my every request - chocolate being the BIG one. I feel my body has betrayed me with the cancer which is preventing me from taking estrogen for the menopause. I finally got up the nerve to throw out the pain pills I keep taking though the surgical pain is long gone. Now that the drug-induced haze is gone, i'm slowly making my way back to the gym and looking for the incentive to go back to healthy eating habits. I've also let hubby off the hook.
I've found lots of encouragement here before by joining different threads and keeping up with others successes. !
Any suggestions on how to get over the anger at body for the deception and work with what life has dealt me? I never acted on it, but I miss the days of men saying "if only you weren't married"

[JayEll]

Cousin, are you really 6'3" or is that a typo?

Of course you would feel betrayed by your body--you always could "count on it" in the past. And then came sickness. It's hard to realize that our bodies just are what they are, they develop diseases, they grow old, and we are not immortal. If we have been holding on to an idea that our lives will be OK as long as everything works, then we've set ourselves up for a shock!

You can't blame your husband. I think you know that.

I only have some ideas--they may help or may not. We have other cancer survivors on 3FC (I am not one of them) who may post. Also, be sure to check out Dieting with Obstacles.

- Remember that you have a precious human life, whether you are sick or well.
- Keep in mind that your body responds to your thoughts. If you hate it, it's hard to improve. If you instead give some approval to your body--the fact that you can move, can make choices, can CHANGE--then you begin with a more positive outlook.
- Change is possible--you can lose the weight and keep it off. Start now! Don't dwell on "what went wrong."
- Keep the focus on yourself and your health in the present. It doesn't matter what men or others in the past may have said. (Yes, one may get wistful for the "old days" of being thought attractive, but many people have never felt attractive! And how important is that, really?)

Good luck! You're already making very positive changes--stopping the pain pills, getting back to the gym! Keep going!

Jay

[Beach Patrol]

Instead of being ANGRY at your body, how about trying to be APPRECIATIVE of what your body does for you every day?

You stand upright! way to go!
You can WALK! no cane, no wheelchair! WOO HOO!
Your eyes can see, your nose can smell, you can taste food. THAT'S GREAT!
Your arms work, that's always a plus!
You can turn your head to the left AND to the right! - FANTASTIC!

Give your body credit for what it does everyday... including eliminating, fighting off DISEASES like cancer, etc.

Why be angry when you can be grateful?

[Gamerchick]

Well, for what worked is realizing that when you're angry and hating yourself you never get ANYTHING done.

When you love yourself and make even the smallest steps at helping yourself you're doing SOMETHING.

[lilybelle]

Your post really struck a chord with me. I'm very sorry that you feel let down by your body and by your DH. I've dealt with similar issues. I was diagnosed 4 yrs. ago with Liver Disease. I was in pain. My immune system was shot. I had frequent respiratory illness. Blood pressure and heart rate were horrible. I was so short of breath that I couldn't walk maybe 50 feet. I felt so let down and had all but given up. Besides all my other med's the Dr. doled out pain pills like they were M&M's. Like you, I felt like I lived in a drug-induced haze. I'm very proud to see that you have stopped the pain med. It was a key to me being able to function well enough to turn my life around. It's great too that you've joined a gym. You are taking control now and not gonna let this beat you down. I find that completely admirable.

As far as letting go of the anger. For me, seeing others that were in worse shape than I was and having a positive attitude helped greatly. It wasn't the cards I wanted, but it was the hand I was dealt. I slowly learned that I could improve my health or I could just feel defeated by it and give up. Yes, I did feel cheated. I didn't do anything to "deserve" my illness. I hated the steroids and the subsequent huge weight gain and feeling that I could never get enough to eat. I had to take control of it and do my level best to make myself healthier. Weight loss has tremendously improved my health and my sense of well-being. I guess my best advice would be that as long as you're alive, you still have a fighting chance to improve your health. Never give up. Hugs.

[FatCousin]

Yes - I really am 6'3".
Thank you all for your encouraging words. I know I have a lot to be thankful for, it could have been so much worse. I'm truly trying to shake all of the depressing thoughts and get some motivation to move on. I'm hoping anti-cancer drugs are also weight depressants -wouldnt that be a plus side!
It was a beautiful weekend, so lots of outdoor time - no gym, but plenty of walking.
The DH can't seem to understand why surprising me with food treats isnt a good thing. I'm thinking of going back to WW and posting my daily points in the kitchen again so he can see what I can and cannot have.
It's a struggle - but I will move forward!

[JayEll]

Cousin! I wish I were tall like you!

Good luck with your program. It's hard for people to understand why food treats aren't so great, but your idea of posting what you can and can't have might help him (and you!).

Hang in there!
Jay

[bethmart]

if i were 6 ft 3 inch I wouldnt need to lose much more weight lmao

[FatCousin]

Everyone seems to think being tall means not having a weight problem. I remember when i was young and thought i was so fat because i weighed 200. I would love to see that weight now! ****, I'll be ecstatic when i get back to the 230s!

[JayEll]

No, I don't think we really do, Cousin. It's just that being 5'4" and close to 200 was a little different experience for me than your weight was for you. I often used to joke that I was short for my weight--but I know that tall people do have weight problems too. My best friend is 5'11" and weighs 180 and is trying to get lower also. And being quite successful!

Cheers,
Jay

[NightengaleShane]

Welcome, FatCousin!

6'3"... I do have to say that while tall people can have weight problems just like anyone else, it's definitely less obvious when your body is so long.

I always wanted to be tall. I was growing an inch a year from the ages of 12 through 16, but then I just stopped. In a perfect world, I'd be 5'9" or 5'10"... and at my current weight, I wouldn't even be overweight at those heights!

[k8t]

Hi Fat Cousin,
My loving husband is also prone to giving me treats and inviting me to eat at odd times...by any chance is your husband overweight in any way himself? I've come to the conclusion that while my husband supports my weight loss efforts verbally, I believe he's also perfectly happy on some level to have me where I am at. He is overweight...technically just this side of obese...but because I weigh so much more for my height he feels he is in better shape than I am and therefore doesn't need to watch what he eats. As long as he has me to compare himself to, he can justify his decisions to eat poorly. I don't think he does this on purpose, but I do think he has motivations he is unaware of to derail my dieting efforts. Do you think your hubby might be doing something similiar to you?

[FatCousin]

My husband does need to lose weight - but not near as much as I do. He truly can"t understand what the big deal is - he blindly thinks I'm perfect the way I am! He did go out and buy ice cream last night - i was amazed he came home with the kind I can safely have a serving of!
I'm sorry if I came off offended about the height thing. I've spent half my life feeling like a circus side show with all the "How tall are you!" remarks from total strangers. My issue to deal with.