[nicolen]

My best friend stayed with me over the weekend - we've been best friends since we were 11 and have obviously been through a lot of ups and downs.

We brought out the photo albums as you do, and went through them and I got quite a shock - I was actually skinny at one stage.

At eighteen I weighed 66 kg (about 148 lb) which according to the BMI charts would give me a BMI of 25 - or at the top of the normal range. I went to university then and stayed in the halls. I remembered getting on the scales at the doctors about halfway through my first year and being shocked to see 70 kg then (about 158 lb) and thinking I should do something about that. Unfortunately the halls only provided stodgy mass produced food - and dessert every night, which I definitely wasn't used to, and never turned down. When I graduated university, I've no idea what I weighed - about 75 kg, I think.

My weight remained fairly stable for a couple of years then there were definite triggers that happened. I started a new job which involved me working a minimum of 10 hours and often over 12 hours a day. My epilepsy meds changed and I started a relationship. I put on 25 kg (60 lb) in about 8 months.

For my type of epilepsy, the meds that are used to control it do make it easier to put on weight and mean that weight does come off slowly. I blamed all my weight gain on my new meds, but that wasn't correct at all. The meds didn't make me order takeaways most nights because I was too tired to cook. The meds didn't stop me exercising because I was too busy with work and my partner - I was the one to make the decisions that got me up to 118 kg/261 lbs. Sure, they contributed, but only very slightly. Had I stuck with a healthy diet and exercised even occasionally, then things would have been a bit different. I didn't need to work those long hours - it was a job I hated and I should have resigned a long time before I did.

I'm the only one that could've and did make those decisions, so I must take responsibility for them. I don't regret those decisions - I'm at a place in my life where I feel great about myself and I'm losing weight. What I do regret is that I refused to take responsibility for my actions to such an extent. That's going to change from right now.

I got myself here. I'm getting myself thin and gorgeous...

[soiley]

That's so true nicolen. I too am one to blame a lot of outside circumstances for the shape I'm in, but ultimately it comes down to what and how much I put in my mouth.

[freezeframe]

CONGRATULATIONS!!!!

Nicole---------------

You are sooooooooooooooooooooooo on your way to being thin and gorgeous!

I think we've all discovered hindsight is 20/20. But sometimes the lessons along the way are more invaluable than having not learned them at all.......

I think it's just such a great feeling to be empowered--I feel like I'm taking my life back. I'm taking my life back from the companies that advertise candy, sodas, fat (fast) food, ------------------> they make a TON of money while they pillage my health. No more, no more.

I gained the majority of my weight (about 80 pounds worth) while taking fertility meds. STUPIDLY I believed my doctor when he said the weight would come right off when I stopped taking the meds. Ugh-------------liar liar, pants afire. And for the longest time I felt sorry for myself, and that added another 25 pounds. But you're so right. I could have made different choices. As soon as I started gaining weight on the drugs, I should have stopped. And even if I hadn't made THAT choice, I should have not felt sorry for myself and added anothe 25 pounds to that.

Kudos for the truth----kudos for honesty :-)

You're going to be gorgeous before you know it! (On the outside, I can tell you already are on the inside :-)....)

bree

[rockinrobin]

Oh sure we all have our "reasons" as to why we gained all the weight. And they're all legitimate. But of course WE are ultimately responsible for letting ourselves get so heavy, circumstances aside. No matter what was going on in my world, I chose to put the food in my mouth each and every time (and it was a lot of times ). How I only wish I could have slowed down a bit and really thunk it through. Realized that what I was doing was - wrong. I try really hard to not dwell on the past. What's done is done. I can only work on the present. And that's just what I'm going to do.

Nicolen, I've felt the same way - I was the one to get myself into this big mess - and therefore it was up to me to get me out of it.

Good for you for this new (not so new?) attitude of yours!!!! I'm with freezeframe - you're already gorgeous - where it counts the most, on the inside. Here's to a thin and even MORE gorgeous - YOU!!! Good luck to you. You can do this. You know you can. Afterall, like you pointed out - it IS in your hands. Who's to stop you? NO ONE.

[WinterStarzz]

My mom has epilepsy, and the meds she was put on had the opposite effect. She used to be around 230 lbs, but when she started the seizure medication she went down to 110. Now, she finds it hard to keep weight ON. She was in the hospital for 1 month and ended up at about 105 lbs....way too skinny for her build. She had to visit the doc every week for a while so they could make sure she was gaining weight. She's back at about 118-120 lbs now, but she still has to work to keep it on. I guess everyone has their own weight issues, but man......I sure would like to trade spots with her! (probably not really, but sometimes it feels that way for sure)

[Slashnl]

Nicolen, my story wouldn't be exactly the same as yours, but I can also look back and see how it just kept coming on and on. I remember one time in college that I realized I weighed 180 and I thought that it was time to do something about it! I was motivated for about 2 weeks and then slipped into the old ways of making excuses, eating wrong, and drinking beer.

Thanks for sharing this! I'm glad to see I'm not alone in looking back and knowing NOW what I should have known THEN!! Onward to thin and beautiful!!!

[Sandi]

I was at a normal weight at one point too. And I thought I was fat! What I'd give to be that "fat" again. I had so many opportunities to get it together and I never did. I think my biggest regret is not getting it together in college. I had free access to a gym every day and I made all my own food choices. I had the times and the means and I only had about 75 to lose.

Actually, maybe my biggest regret is that I still am not taking responsiblity for my actions.

[suzie76]

Hi,

I can relate-I remember going to a doctor's appointment when I was around 20 and being shocked that I weighed 170. My usual weight had bee around 155 (I'm five feet eight inches tall) I thought that was so fat, and I'd kill to be that weight now! Why didn't I do anything back then...

Sherry