So... after a long, difficult illness, my grandfather passed away yesterday morning. When I found out, I proceeded to eat two huge bowls of Lucky Charms cereal, which successfully dulled the pain. I don't know if I'm ever going to beat my emotional eating, but if the past few weeks are any indication, it's probably a lost cause.

Also, I'm up about 2 pounds from my lowest weight, which is excruciatingly frustrating. I'm always hungry, and it seems like even when I stick to the plan and only choose lighter foods, my weight still refuses to go back down. I'm flying back to BC tonight and staying until Tuesday, and I HIGHLY doubt that the food there is going to be even slightly beneficial.

With all of the stress from recent events, as well as working two jobs (the second of which being in a restaurant, during dinner, which COMPLETELY messes with my meal schedule and tempts me like CRAZY), being yelled at and threatened by an insane manager (a story for another day), never having time to seriously exercise, recovering from the most vicious of colds, and just generally being so overwhelmed by life that I envy those lucky enough to be in a coma, I have no idea how I'm going to keep this weight off. I really just want to curl up in a ball and cry...

oh Sarah, I am so sorry, I just want to hug you right now. put both arms around yourself while you sit there at the computer.......look at my picture. that is a hug from me. Ok lets pull a PollyAnna here...... Thank goodness your grandpa had a full life, and that he was YOUR grandpa, Good for you! only two bowls of Lucky charms! could have been 5! when you get to BC even thought the food choices are out of your control, just think, you don't have to cook them..... sit back relax and have some. Two jobs..... (hmmm that is a tough one) more money than one job.....??? And Yay! you are only up 2 pounds not 40!!! 2..... you can handle 2. and if you want to curl up in a ball and cry. GO AHEAD! there is nothing wrong with that , and it is calorie free,

Ok some of those were a stretch. but I hope you can find some peace somewhere, Losing a grandparent is tough, I know, I have lost all of mine, and so has my husband, including both his parents. So .........one more hug. and I will keep you in my prayers.

Thanks Lettie. I'm trying my best to stay positive, but I'm really struggling with it right now... especially since eating more is so much easier than actually dealing with my emotions

One thing's for sure, I've gotta smarten up and snap out of this. My pity party isn't going to do me any good, and the resulting weight gain will only make me feel worse. Thanks again

Sarah, so sorry to hear about your grandpa! I know it doesn't really make it any easier, but try to think that at least he is not suffering anymore, and he did have a good life.

As for the Lucky Charms - at least it wasn't ice cream.

You can overcome this, and you will make out just fine.

As for crying - go ahead ..... I would ..... it might just make you feel better, and then you move on.

My thoughts are with you. Sending you a big hug.

It's OK to cry ,after while you won't fell like doing it so often. You will start remembering the fun times you had with your grandfather and how lucky you were to have him in your life. You will actually be able to smile at the memories.About the food , you have been under a lot of stress, take it one day at a time and do the best you can.You know what you need to do and you know you can do it. Look what you have done already.Best wishes.

Sarah - My heart goes out to you for your loss.

I think you hit the nail on the head when you said it's easier to eat than to deal with all the emotions. There are many steps in the grieving process and the best thing to do is to let yourself feel it, deal with it and move forward.
I know you will always miss your Grandpa but after awhile his memories will be happy and joyful and will bring many many smiles to your beautiful face.

Because you realize you are eating due to stress I think you are more ahead of the game than you know. Try to remember that you need to take care of yourself. Only you can get yourself back on track, both emotionally and physically and you will get there!

Lastly, know that you have many friends here...including ME! I may be out in cyber space somewhere but I do care and I am here for you. Feel free to PM me any time if you need to chat.

HUGS, HUGS and MORE HUGS!

Sarah -- I am so sorry for your loss and listen to what the others said especially Bargoo's words. To remember with smiles becomes very cherished times. Of course its easier to reach for the Lucky Charms but wouldn't going for a walk be better? I remember during tough times I would just move and move - ok I ate and ate part of why I got up to 270 pounds. But you have shed so much - you know what to do, just right now your emotions are ruling not your brain. I am sorry the weather won't be the best here in BC but as you know its still a lovely place to be with lots of space to walk and think.

Huge west coast hugs.

Sarah, so sorry for your loss.. I know what it's like, believe me.

It's so easy to fall into old habits, but you're right, any resulting weight gain will make you feel worse in the long run.

Are there any "good" foods around for you to snack on? If you feel you have to eat something, having carrot sticks or fruit would at least make the overindulgence easier to take the next time you get on a scale.

Our best to you and your family...

Sarah,
I am so sorry for your loss. I don't have any words that will make you hurt any less - but I agree with and really like what the others have said. Lettie couldn' have said it any better. Don't be too hard on yourself.
Hugs to you and your family.

i'm so sorry Sarah... my thoughts and prayers are with you. warmest wishes for you and your family at such a difficult time.. hugs
Michelle

sarah--i don't think i could've said it any better than everyone else who's already posted. we're all thinking of you and things will get better. it's hard right now, just take things one at a time and one day at a time.
PM me if you want to chat.
hugs to you!

Thanks again, all of you. Your support is definitely appreciated. Things are a little easier today. I went for a walk to Wal-Mart to buy some things for the trip, and I'm feeling more in control of my eating. I'm working on eating ONLY when I'm actually hungry, which I was doing no problem up until a few weeks ago. I'm getting back on track, and I'm sure I'll be able to take these few pounds back off, but at the same time, what's a few pounds? When my weight is up, even by only a fraction of a pound, I have this horrible habit of picking out EVERY single flaw when I look in the mirror. It's dreadful, especially since the logical part of me knows that of course I don't look any different! It's a couple of pounds! My belly hasn't sprouted back, my thighs aren't any chubbier, and my arms don't look any sausagier than they did a few weeks ago!

I guess the point of all of this is that the psychological aspect of my weight loss is still a BIG work in progress. But again, thanks for all of your help; I'll get through this, and be back with a vengeance soon enough