I have been trying to lose weight all my life. I started gaining weight after my father died at 11 years old, but slimmed a little when I grew taller. Then I started losing weight when I left home. Not much, but enough to drop 2 pants sizes, but now I am obese enough to start having health problems, especially with my breathing.
I think the worst part is my husband. I mean this both directly and indirectly. He joined the army over a year ago and I gained over 60 pounds while he was away! I couldn't believe it! I really credited it to getting the much needed car to go visit him. Before the car, I was walking everywhere I needed to go (i.e. work, shopping, etc.). I lived by the beach then and used to go what I called "rock-hopping". There were large granite rocks to break the tide along the coast and I would wear restaurant style no-slip shoes and hop from rock to rock. I found it to be a lot of fun and I started losing a lot of weight.
After moving away and driving everywhere, I just can't seem to shed the pounds I've gained and seem to only gain more. It doesn't help that my husband's two favorite foods are pizza and tacos. He can't be talked out of them, and even if I sit down and discuss with him that maybe we shouldn't have those foods around until I am strong enough to resist temptation, he finds a way to slip them back under me.
I feel horrible saying it, but I sort of wish he would go on a tour of duty just to give me 15 months to get into some sort of shape, and I can't seem to get him to understand this.
What makes me feel worse, is that he tells me all the time that he wishes I would lose weight. Not because he wants me to, but because he knows I would feel better for it and be happier than I am. If he cares so much about the way I feel, I don't understand why he wants to keep putting me into situations like he does.
While your husband is not making it any easier for you to lose weight, you'll have to acknowledge that ultimately it's you that makes the decisions about what foods you eat or how much exercise you're getting. Yes, he's bringing all sorts of junk home, but I doubt he's forcefeeding them to you. Likewise, I don't think he's tying you down to a bed preventing you from getting a decent workout.
Now to help with the temptation, you may ask your husband to eat all those junk out, alone, and not bring anything back home (you may even wanna tell him to brush his teeth the moment he steps in the door ). Alternatively, cook your own versions at home -- they may not be the perfect diet food, but I'm sure it'll still be a lot healthier than the restaurant versions, and at the very least you'd know what went in them (to make for easier calorie/point/fat/carb counting).
As for all those car activities that you used to walk for, there are still ways to work activity into your life. Park at a further spot. Take the stairs. Use a grocery basket instead of the cart. And of course, make a commitment to find time to exercise. Every little bit helps.
First, Have you tried telling him exactly what you said here? "If he cares so much about the way I feel, I don't understand why he wants to keep putting me into situations like he does."
I would think that hearing you say that may push home that you need his help in this!
Second - Go get yourself some willpower! If the pizza is there you don't have to eat it! Same with the tacos. I know, I know... Its like they are staring you in the face DARING you to eat them and you give in. I've been there. We all have. But there is some self-strength involved in this where you just have to say "I don't care if you ordered pizza. I planned on having a salad and some soup and that is what I'm going to eat!"
I think that although your husband isn't being as supportive as he could be, you need to take your weightloss into your own hands. Take responsibility for your own actions, blaming them on your husband is only going to cause resentment in your marraige and make it more difficult for you to lose the weight that you want to. Please don't think that I'm judging you or trying to put down your marraige or any of the above, I'm just trying to give you a different perspective on the situation.
You need to make the decision to exercise, just because you moved doesn't mean that you can go for a walk around the block a couple of times. When does your husband order the pizza? How does he get the tacos? Why not cook something up that's healthy and appetizing before he gets the chance? Can you ask him to start ordering/getting single person sizes so that you're not tempted and you can eat what you need to?
I think you need to take your care of your weightloss yoruself. If this is truely something that you need/want to do you, you're going to have to rely on yourself to do it. Making excuses and blaming others is only going to hinder you.
I do understand that it is not his fault, and I don't really blame him for my problems, but he doesn't help the equation. The problem is I have no self control or will power. It's worse when it seems the harder I try, the worse I fail. How can I gain the esteem and will power it takes to fight back?
modkittn - I have told him almost in those exact words, and it might last for a week, then he goes back into his same routines, which causes me to do the same because of my lack of control.
As for exercising, I will go through periods where all I want to do is exercise. Since I live on an Army post, I have free membership to 15 different gyms. It's kind of depressing though, when you look around at the female soldiers around you and compare yourself to them. I try to just keep my eyes on the TV in front of me or the machine I am on and even whisper encouragements to myself. I'm sure I have probably had a few funny looks I haven't noticed. All of this seems to be in vain though, because a few weeks later I will be back to my old self. How do I make this a continuous effort?
I think what helps me to make sure I work out is that the night before, I get everything ready. Then when I wake up, before I get the chance to psych myself out, I just get up and go.
Make an eating plan for yourself. Have you seen your doctor to make sure that nothing's wrong? Do you know how many calories you should be eating? Do you have an eating plan that you want to follow? Every night make a meal plan for the next day. There's quite a few meal planning thread in some of the other support forums where you can get ideas if you don't have any.
lovelypurple - I am actually asking questions on the diet boards too. I would like to eat healthy, but it seems hard when you have a very limited budget so i am looking for suggestions.
I do think I should perpare myself the night before. I almost considered asking my husband to wake me up in the morning when he leaves for PT and maybe I could hit the gym, but it's hard for me to wake up in the mornings no matter what time I went to bed the night before. I guess that boils down to self will power also. Maybe what i really need is a swift kick to the rear!
My SO is thin as a rail and can eat whatever he wants. He has all sorts of food around here that I can't eat: chips, cookies, samosas, cheese bread, cheese, focaccia, etc. etc. It's his food and I don't eat it. It's like it doesn't exist to me. If I worked in an office and my co-workers all brought their own lunches, I wouldn't have any trouble not stealing their lunches from the refridgerator. The same concept applies here; I don't eat his food and he doesn't eat mine.
You have to take responsibility for what you eat; it isn't fair to ask your husband to modify his eating habits just because you want to lose weight. Start planning out meals for yourself and let your husband eat whatever he wants. There's no reason why he can't order a small pizza or buy just enough tacos for himself.
Also, tacos are easy to make yourself. If you make them with lean ground beef, chicken, or fish and carefully portion the meat and toppings and use low calorie tortillas (or skip the tortillas and have a taco salad), they should easily fit into a low calorie diet. This is actually a great meal that you can share--your husband can put as much as he wants on his tacos and eat as much as he wants and you can make yours to fit into your diet.
I have to admit, though, that it doesn't sound to me like you are ready to commit to losing weight; at this point you're just making a lot of excuses. You say yourself that you gained 60 lbs while your husband was away. Given that, I don't really think you can blame him for not being able to lose weight now and I don't think it's realistic to expect that you'd miraculously lose weight if he went away again (on a tour of duty or otherwise).
You have to decide that this is something you want for yourself (and that you want it more than eating pizza and tacos); when you make that decision, I think you'll find that you do have the willpower and self-control necessary to make it happen.
There were large granite rocks to break the tide along the coast and I would wear restaurant style no-slip shoes and hop from rock to rock. I found it to be a lot of fun and I started losing a lot of weight.
What are restaurant style no-slip shoes for rock climbing?
My husband has a 28 inch waist and the butt of an 18 year old! He wants nothing to do with my diet foods - he wants his steak and Bearnaise, his butter and sour cream baked potato, his French onion soup - so I make differnet meals and I just deal with it. The real world will constantly present you with temptation, every restaurant, every magazine and commercial, you have to be strong to resist, and even more importantly learn to recover and get back to routine if you have a weak moment and give in.
Last week I made him rack of lamb and I was having an egg white omelet. I just couldn't resist that lamb and had a big bite. It would have been easy to just devour it, but I stopped myself at the bite. It was delicious and I enjoyed it immensely and I am proud that I was able to keep it together and have my omelet
Good luck with everything, it's a very difficult thing but once you get started and start seeing a little results it gets easier.
Last edited by ThinGirl in FatBody; 06-05-2007 at 05:40 PM.
It's like it doesn't exist to me. If I worked in an office and my co-workers all brought their own lunches, I wouldn't have any trouble not stealing their lunches from the refridgerator. The same concept applies here; I don't eat his food and he doesn't eat mine.
Love that concept! I'll keep that in mind if I ever happen to be (let alone living) with a SO
You have to decide that this is something you want for yourself (and that you want it more than eating pizza and tacos); when you make that decision, I think you'll find that you do have the willpower and self-control necessary to make it happen.
I think Barbara is right. You've been indulging in a lot of negative self-talk. Although you'll feel silly, you need to start telling yourself what you can do, and if possible say it out loud (there doesn't have to be anyone else there). For some reason saying "I choose to have xyz for dinner" out loud is much more powerful than "oh darn, he brought home pizza and I can't resist." Don't say "I can't have pizza" but rather "Having a salad is the choice I'm making for myself." And don't sit around waiting for motivation to strike - just act like it already has. You can go to the gym and work out without being motivated. After you've done a few times, it'll be more of a habit. When you're there, don't compare yourself to everyone else (and who knows what they looked like when they first walked into the gym?). Tell yourself "I want to be here. I am exercising to be healthier." You get the idea. Take responsibility for your weight loss. Yes, it'd be easier if your DH was more supportive, but when he sees you taking positive action, maybe he will be on board. Good luck.
I have to echo - you will gain will power or whatever you call it when you decide to. It is not a miraculous WILL that makes you succeed. It is a choice and a decision you make every day.
Right now you are giving all your power away. You are not taking responsibility for your own actions. Until you accept that you and only you are responsible, you arent going to see change.
I have to agree with Barbara...you gained weight because he was gone and now you cant lose weight because he is here? Tough love here....you need to stop looking for excuses and decide what you are going to do about it.
My dh is fairly supportive (he eats what I fix mostly and gets his junk fixes outside the house etc. ) but I can tell you the support came AFTER I made changes. I made the changes and showed I was serious about making progress and THEN asked for help like "I have a problem with cashews in the house, can you take them to work". But I in no way expected him to make changes FIRST.
And would you REALLY want that? If you depend on him to make the changes first, then you are giving him the role of parent in this part of your life. Is he your husband or your DAD?
Step up. Be the adult.
Sorry if this sounds harsh, but I think we have all been in a position where we thought "if only this was different...THEN I would lose weight". Nope. If only I ACT DIFFERENT.
Jelly - only *you* can put yourself on the path to better health. I made that choice in February.
I have yet to go to a gym because I would be too self conscious to work out there at my current weight let alone at my starting weight. However, most towns have a Home Depot or a Lowes. Since I started in the winter, I would walk the entire perimeter of our local Home Depot and go up and down all of the aisles. You can get a good amount of walking in and its FREE. Now that it is good weather, I walk along the reservoir near where I work on my way home.
My husband is in good shape and likes his treats, etc. I tell him he should have whatever he wants to have, but when I was starting I asked him not to bring it into the house. It helps, but shoot I work at a place where people have cake and ice cream at least once a week. I have no control over what they do, but I usually pass on the treats. I *can* control my choices. Its all choices.
I know its hard. I love pizza too. That is a weakness for me as well. I make whole wheat pizza every couple of weeks and even hubby asks for it....and it is not bad for ya!
Anyway, I just want you to keep trying and one of these times it will "stick". You will feel so GOOD! Keep coming back here too!! Its a great place to vent! These people are wonderful!!
Non-understanding husband
). Alternatively, cook your own versions at home -- they may not be the perfect diet food, but I'm sure it'll still be a lot healthier than the restaurant versions, and at the very least you'd know what went in them (to make for easier calorie/point/fat/carb counting).
