Hey everyone
I've opened yet another thread (please let me humbly apologise lol) I was writing a comment in another thread and I made a comment regarding this subject.
This morning I was reading a few articles and one was written by this psychologist who deals with people with weight issues and she made a comment saying that secretly most women although unhappy about their figures (this is talking about us larger ladies) secretly don't want to lose the weight. At first I thought she was being obnoxious basically saying we're "lazy" or whatever. She continued and she said that apparently some of us are scared to lose the weight because we're scared to be more attractive and we don't know how to deal with male attention. I thought this was an interesting comment (i'm not saying i agree with it) and I was just wondering whether any of you... have a small fear of going down to a thinner size and why... are your reasons really and totally ALL TO DO with not wanting to be attractive?
I can relate in the sense that I'm scared to lose weight... I know I can do it if I wanted to... and I am doing it; but I guess its just losing the weight is almost "unknown" to me. You know... going into the unknown. I don't know... I'm probably not making much sense but let me know what you guys think!!
Thanks for indulging me
I understand what you're saying because I feel the same way. The last time I was thin, I was in elementary school, long before I cared about my weight, when life was simple. So I don't know what I'm going to do if and when I lose the weight. Don't know how I'm gonna act or how people will react to me. The unknown is terrifying.
Tell me about it!!
It's just such a wierd feeling because I WANT to lose weight, I want to be healthy... and feel attractive. But then... I dunno... secretly... in a deep place all tucked away is that fear and other than the "unknown" i have no idea why I would be scared.
I think there is something to this: fat gives people a way of shielding themselves from the world, and it can help to keep men at bay (or at least from whistling or cat-calling when you're walking down the street).
For me, this never stopped me from losing weight, but it was one of the explicit reasons for my massive weight gain in my first year of grad school (nearly 50 pounds in a year). My situation was slightly more complicated than that, but ultimately, I partially chose to gain weight so as to be less physically attractive. It worked
Hello, well speaking from my experience where I was raped twice and molested another time when I was a lot lighter than I am now I know that I'm terrified to lose weight. And Yet, I have to! My health isn't the best and since I fell a month ago and broke my back....I have to take the extra poundage off. I know that there are people out there who think that if "we just wanted to bad enough we could loose the weight easily." well let me tell you that I've been trying to lose weight for the last 20+ years and it's not easy.
You know baffled I was thinking about what you said and I think I can spin off from that. You see when I was thin (lol) and saw myself putting on weight and my family would point it out I would say "well I can always lose it" but following on with what you said. As I gained weight I was getting less attention don't get me wrong I didnt gain weight to get less attention but it was a wall. A wall as in If I was skinny and didn't get attention I was just "ugly" but if I was bigger then I could put lack of attention to the fact that I was "fat." The attention hasn't stopped but from when I was thinner it was a lot more than now. What a strange philosophy lol.
I definitely think that I used the excess weight as a shield and it worked. I finally had to lose the wt. for health reasons. It is different now and scary because of the unwanted and unheeded attention from men. But, I'm not turning back. When I lost all the wt. before, I got into a very bad (short) marriage. I didn't consciously regain it on purpose, but I didn't do anything to prevent regaining it. This time my marriage was/is secure and that helped me to have the confidence to lose the weight. Just knowing that DH would protect me.
I have some apprehension of the unknown, but not of men's attentions. I spent a semester in Costa Rica where cat calls follow girls, especially 20-something gringas, everywhere they go. To be honest, I loved the daily compliments (occasionally yelled down the block from an old man on a bicycle). Coming back to America I missed total strangers calling me beautiful.
My apprehension is totally out-weighed by my excitement at buying cute clothes, feeling fit etc.
I kind of like being overweight in the sense that I don't get as much attention as I used to. I was tired of being sexually harassed and hit on by a-----. It was a constant bother. I was never taken seriously even though I am fairly intelligent. The way people treated me also changed for the better. People didn't assume I was unapproachable like when I was skinny. I'm 5'7" though and carry my weight well. The biggest problem I have with being overweight besides health issues is the fact that there isn't much decent clothes out there.
I recently gained 40lbs after a big move 8 months ago and have been trying to lose it. Before I gained the weight back I noticed that I had been getting hit on more often and that's not necessarily something that I am looking forward to when I reach my goal weight. So I know I'm not secretly scared to lose weight but in a way, dreading it.
However, I am part-Hawaiian and unless I want to end up with Diabetes like most of my family I need to lose weight.
I think that theory has some validity; although, I can only speak for myself. I've been overweight most of my life, starting when I was 11 yrs. old. By the time I was 16, I weighed 202 lbs. By the time I was 17 I was up to 300. I'm now 41, and my weight has been as low as 330 and as high as 425; usually hovering around 380--which is my current weight. (I'm 5'10")
Without going into too much detail, I'll just say that I survived incestuous rape between the ages of 5 - 8 yrs old. My abuser told me over and over again that I "should never get fat, because men don't like fat women". There were other incidents with other abusers until I was 11. As I got a little older, I decided that getting fat was the perfect defense, and set about defending myself...getting fat. (Which, by the way, I found out that a lot of men DO like fat women.)
Now, here I am, no longer needing the security of being fat to be safe, but unable to let go of that mindset and lose the weight once and forever. Now, being fat is the only way I know how to be. When I'm snickered at, I know it's because of my weight. When I don't get a job, or a date, or respect...I know it's because of my weight. Or at least that's what I tell myself. Here's the nagging question: What if I lose the weight and all those things still happen? What do I blame it on then?
I hadn't thought about it before I started losing weight, but I do get more attention now. It's annoying! Especially coming from married men (co-workers at that), it's uncomfortable and icky!!! I think I just need to develop of thin layer of witch to go with my weight loss to ward them off. Lol.
Thats a whole variety of answers and they're all fair enough. I'm still trying to get round what exactly it is that I'm scared of... Maybe I'm scared I'll fail? I remember when I first started my lifestyle change I kept it a total secret from friends and family EXCEPT my Husband.
I am more afraid of losing all of my food-related "comforts". This is a lifetime of habits: that everything is better with food. What will I replace food with? What will give me that familiar, comforting blissfull feeling of sitting on the couch in front of the tv with a big bag of chips and melty cheese? Sure, I have the will power for a while but then the couch and a Totinos pizza, or a drive thru value meal start calling out to me as if nothing could be/feel better. I know it is normal to indulge in that every once in a while but that seems to be what dredges up those lifelong habits and it's downhill from there....
I have heard the other theory before but personally do not think it applies to me. I just want to be average: not thin (and I probably still won't wear make-up unless I have to!)
In a way I do understand this point. When I was in high school and thinner I would get a lot of unwanted attention from creepy guys. I don't want that attention back if I lose weight, but I do think the positives still outweigh the negatives!
Are We Secretly Scared to Lose Weight?t
Hey everyone
