[freeqeegrl]

Today my boyfriend of two years ask me to put my picture so it would show up when i called on his phone , and when i was looking through his pictures to find me . I saw a picture of him smoking and flipping off the camera and the one after that he was mooning the camera . ok i know that doesnt sound that bad but he used to be a really bad person , on every drug in the world, alcholic ,homeless, a liar , horrible. Until i met him and then everything changed he said its cause i was his reason for taking care of himself that he finally found something worth living and we had talked so many times about how much i meant to him that he stopped smoking when no one else could ever get him to and i didnt even have to ask him to stop. he knew i just didnt like it. And im beyond mature for my age , really mature and i would never date someone who would pull their pants down for a camera . i didnt know that about him. i feel like all this time hes been lying about who he was, and now i've finally seen who he really is and really wants to be. I dont want this guy i saw in the pictures. i dont know what to do . . . i really feel like im not sure which him is real. the one that is with me, or the one that he was before that comes out when he's with his cousins. we've been having a lot of problems lately too. im just so confused. i've known him since 3rd grade. I feel like i dont want to put up with this ****, but i also dont want to throw away something i've put so much work into . what do i do , how should i feel. i just left and havent talk to him since this morning . i dont know if i should just never talk to him again , maybe that will be easier. im so depressed. has he been lying to me this whole time. i dont know what to believe . I JUST DONT KNOW ANYTHING ANYMORE.

[maalisse]

One thing to keep in mind is that a lot of people act differently depending who they're with. For example, when I'm around my peers, I have something of a potty mouth, but when I'm with my family, I speak a lot more formally. There are things I would do in front of my friends that I wouldn't do in front of my family, too. I think all of us are like this.

Your man may be like this, too. It could be that he's not fake when he's around you, but that he's relaxed enough to be himself and not feel like he has to put on the tough guy act like he does with his other friends... Your fears may be valid, too, though. There's only one way you're really going to find out: talk to him about it, as calmly as you can, without seeming like you're accusing (because that will just put him on the defensive.)

I'm sorry you have to deal with this stress. Remember to listen to what he has to say about this, and trust your own instincts as you listen to him, then do what's best for you.

Hoping you find some sleep tonight. Take care... *hugs*

[mimik]

I can understand completley. My DH is so against smoking. Well at his going to Iraq party, I saw him smoking. I was so mad!! It hurt that he was doing it. It probabley isnt a big deal to many, but to me it was.
He knew i was mad, and we talked about it.
I think you should talk with him, tell him how it really makes you feel. Dont be down on yourself!!!

[futurepixie]

I think that as far as the smoking thing goes, talk to him about it. but don't accuse, and make sure that you let him know how pleased you are with all that he has done in terms of becoming a better person. it sounds like he has made a totall transformation, and that isn't all undone by smoking.

as far as the mooning goes, he is a guy. Guys are wierd and dumb sometimes. Put two or more of them together, and it gets worse. I know that you don't like it, and you don't have to try to pretend like you do, but if that is the worst thing he does while he is out with his friends, then you have a keeper!

I guess my point is that you have the right to feel however you feel. no one else knows your whole history, or relationship. Decide if this is a battle worth picking (if it were me, yes on smoking and no on mooning) and then carefully address it. Make sure that you remain supportive and fully aware of what he has done that is good- then he won't be as likely to feel like you are nitpicking and nagging at him.