I have a good friend that I only see once a year or so since we live 2000 miles apart. However we email a lot and we are both on a forum. For the past 2 months she has literally dropped out of sight. Not returning emails or phone calls, she no longer posts on the forum.
I am certain its not that she is mad at me. When stuff goes wrong in her life she pulls into herself and doesnt talk to anyone. She has said enough to indicate that something is going on but she can't/won't talk about it.
I've been trying to keep in touch just to let her know that I am there for her, sending her a card or an email, or a joke now and then. I'm not being prying at all. I asked her once if she wanted to talk about it and she said no. Now I am just trying to keep communication open and send her a funny story or a "hi" or whatever.
At what point should I just let her be? For awhile she was at least acknowledging the receipt of emails even if it was just a 1 word reply, but now nothing.
I am terribly worried about her, but I also dont want to annoy the crap out of her. I realized this morning that it was a card, a phone call and probably 3-4 emails since I have heard from her at all.
Should I keep trying or should I just wait for her to come back to life...she does eventually, although this is the longest down spell I have seen.
People drift apart. I'd give it a rest and see if she contacts you.
I had a similar situation (best friends in college, maid of honor at each other's wedding, our DH's were best friends in high school, the list goes on and on). I missed her DH's 40th birthday party (my DH went, but my brother came into town). Anyway, she stopped talking to me. It took about 2 years for her to speak to me again. And it was strained, but we're friends again. We just don't talk as often as we had.
If it were JUST me I would, its not a drifting apart thing. She isnt talking to ANYONE. She is depressed and or stressed and she pulls into her little shell and wont speak to anyone. Thats why I am so worried. I know its not a personal thing between us. Something has happened in her life to make her in a funk.
it depends on the level of your friendship....if she is reading her emails, even if she doesn't answer, a kind word from you once every couple of weeks is probably appreciated. If she is a more casual friend, you might wish to drop it and let her make an effort for a change.
You can't help someone who doesn't want to be helped.Right now she appears to not want it.I suggest one last email telling her just what you have said here.You are her friend you will continue to be her friend and will welcome her back when she is ready.The rest will be up to her.If you never hear back it will be painful and we have all been there but know you did what you could and move on.
You don't know what your attempts mean to her right now. They may be everything and she just can't tell you. Do you have a mutual friend where she lives who could check on her? I am worried about her mental health.
I agree with a few people, your emails and hi's could be so important to her right now, even if she doesn't respond. It's hard to know what they mean to her - I personally think it would be better to send a word and hi to keep in touch even if she wouldn't prefer it, than it would be to stop in case she actually does appreciate it and draw support from it. Does that make sense? I feel so tired right now, I can't tell. If you are concerned, you can write something like - I hope I'm not ____ you with my emails/calls/cards/etc., I just want you to know that I care about you and that you are in my thoughts.
She is lucky to have a friend like you - I hope that she is generally okay and that she eventually reaches out for support - sometimes it is hardest to do when we need it the most, but we do often need it the most at those times. Good luck.
I say don't give up too. My best friend and I do this all the time to each other... we'll talk for a while constantly... then just stop and then all of a sudden 6 months goes by...
If this is a matter of concern for her mental/physical well being perhaps you should just ask that she let you know if you should be concerned for those things. All you can do is try to be there. I know how hard it is, none of my best friends live anywhere near me.
Seriously, if I didnt have an infant I would be on a plane and at her door. I dont fear for her physical being because I know and trust her hubby to do what needs to be done even if she is really distraught. I just wish she wouldn't get SO depressed and withdrawn. I know what it feels like because I do the same thing, but not to the same degree. I would stop posting on here, but I wouldnt ignore emails.
If I didn't know better, I would think that you were writing about me. I do the same exact thing. In fact, I have been doing the same thing for about a year. I have a friend who lives about 500 miles from me. We went to high school together. We used to email/chat every night or every other night. About a year ago, I moved and since then I've had a lot more on my plate. I seem to be the one withdrawling lately. She still emails me a couple times a week to let me know that if I want to chat, she's there. Even if I don't answer right away, she still emails. I appreciate that. I may be a bad friend for not answering her e-mails, but sometimes it can't be helped. Since it seems that I have the same type of personality as your friend, (and the brick wall I've built around myself when I get hurt or I am upset), I suggest that you send her little notes once or twice a week. Maybe not something addressing the fact that you haven't spoken in a while. Just a joke, or note saying that you are there. When she has dealt with what she is going through, she'll be back and she'll appreciate the fact that you never gave up on her. Good luck!
When to give up?
