Wow Kathy - well said - I honestly agree with most of what you said and I can see from an outside perspective that this is EXACTLY what I would be saying to someone in my position.

But the reality is he is a very depressed individual and has attempted to harm himself in the past. He is in a very bad place now mentally and I feel I must support him at least so that he does not hurt himself if you know what I mean. I think he feels deep down this is the best solution (he would be gone so my kids would be happy, he would obviously not have to deal with them, there would be insurance money, etc). I don't think he can clearly see what he needs to do - I believe that an appt. with his old therapist is definitely in order (and will be suggesting this to him) - maybe she can convince him the best thing for his mental health might be to leave? Maybe in the short term anyways.

You can see that I certainly don't want to push him over the edge or say or do something that I will later regret - maybe that's not the right thing to do, but it's the only thing I can do right now. I sit here and worry all day long - and certainly don't look forward to going home!

Calgon - take me away (far, far away!).

Frouf

I have to say that I lean towards Kathy, too, Frouf. I'm so sorry to hear about what is going on. Depression is a deep, dark, and powerful thing. But it is also treatable, if the person is willing to be treated. I would definitely suggest a trip to the therapist, or even ER if things get worse. Is there a family member that he might like to stay with for awhile while he gets some treatment? I have seen many clients who are depressed and self-medicating, etc. and it is a hard thing to overcome but can be done. In the meantime you have to look out for the welfare of your children and household first. Maybe if he were just removed out of the situation for awhile you at least wouldn't have to worry about that.
I can't stay as we're busy here but just wanted to give you a hug! :grouphug:

Frouf, you poor honey! I agree with you all that your DH needs help and needs it soon. Maybe even whether he wants it or not. I certainly understand how you feel. He's your husband and you love him. You should be supportive, but you also should draw the line to protect yourself and your kids. He needs to seek help and I'd be thinking about giving him an ultimatum. I wouldn't toss him out but I'd make darn sure he knew that he needed to get help. Maybe he needs some inpatient time? God, I'm so sorry that I can't help you. You must be feeling completely clenched and helpless. No matter what, I hope you know you can come and vent here especially if it feels good to type out the words and get them off of your chest.

You must remember that you are a good Woman and Mother AND Wife. This is NOT about you or your kids. DH is in dire trouble. I'll pray that he cooperates and seeks help.

frouf, you make me feel so guilty for whining about curtis and me being in depressions. your dh's depression is much worse. i hope he will accept the help he needs. i know it's hard but try not to let his problems pull you down.

Ok Girls.....I'm going online in 28 minutes to try to get World Series tickets. I could use a million blinks!

Sorry, Frouf. I know my baseball stuff is very lame compared to what you are going through.

Vickie said what I was thinking better than me.

Vickie, that is really exciting! ;) ;) ;)

Sandra, glad to see you here and have the mystery solved as to where you were! :D

Originally Posted by Vickie:
No matter what, I hope you know you can come and vent here especially if it feels good to type out the words and get them off of your chest.

You must remember that you are a good Woman and Mother AND Wife. This is NOT about you or your kids. DH is in dire trouble. I'll pray that he cooperates and seeks help.

What she said. I had to leave for a while before I kept going and said lots of other things that might not be in anyone's best interest.

My DS has been depressed for years. It's hard for him to find a job (with that same hang dog demeanor you described), keep a job, see the good in anything, get along with the other family members, and has threatened to harm himself in the past. I made him a doctor appointment, made sure he went, paid for it ... and the doctor diagnosed depression and gave him a Rx for some meds. Did he take them? No. Then things got better, then worse. Then better, then worse. And during those bad times, he would say he was better off dead, because then we wouldn't have to deal with him, etc. I finally had to get myself to the point (and this is my CHILD, for goodness sakes -- my firstborn whom I love with all my heart!) where I could say ... do what you have to do and good luck in the process. It was ripping my guts out to see him like that and imagine all the things he might do, but eventually I had to realize that *I* couldn't care more about fixing his problem than *HE* did.

I think in some subconscious way (or IS it?) your DH is acting a little passive-aggressive, and knows how his actions are hurting you but is getting attention from it.

Now I have FOUR cents' worth out there!

Thanks so much for all the support and encouragement - it does help me do what I have to do - I really feel for dh but I understand that my family/kids come first!

...and yes I do appreciate being able to come here and vent - it really does help!

And please, please I also NEED to hear about world series tickets, and candy corn overindulgences, and whining children, and even broken dishwashers! Don't feel bad about this - it's also a part of our lives!

Lunchtime!

Frouf

Frouf, you are so strong. I REALLY admire you. I wish a happier life for you, though.

No food for me until after I find out whether or not Jim and I are going to the World Series!

Originally Posted by Froufy:
And please, please I also NEED to hear about world series tickets, and candy corn overindulgences, and whining children, and even broken dishwashers!

Okay then here's a good one for ya!

Judd just went and got a haircut. When he got back to the office, he came over to my desk and leaned down and said feel this. I assumed he meant feel the hair (you know how short hair always feels funny?) and so I felt the hair. He said no, over here. I looked again and he has a lump on the back of his head, over on the right side right at the hairline. It is really big. He stood up and I looked at it again, and it is so noticeable I don't know how we missed it. It's probably about the size of what you'd see when you put your thumb and first finger together to make a circle (I can picture everyone doing that at this time) ... and probably about a half inch raised. He immediately went and made a doctor appointment, and goes at 2:30. Now he's scared because his uncle died from a brain tumor about 10 years ago and wasn't much older than 40. He's doing all that internet research and finding out all the stuff you SHOULDN'T know before going to the doctor, because all it does is cause worry before it's TIME to worry!

I'll update later. Hopefully it's a swollen gland or something like that. In this illustration, it's the approximate location of the occipital gland in the back of this head.

http://www.bartleby.com/107/illus602.html

kathy, i don't know if this will make you feel better or not but curtis has a huge bump at the base of his neck/head. it's caused from muscle strain over the years with his shoulders and shooting archery.

i hope judd's is something that simple. please keep us updated.

guess where we're going tonight? a survival seminar. anyone want to go with us? lol it's about surviving in the wilderness. we're meeting another couple there and will go out for coffee afterwards.

vickie, i hope you get your tickets. who would you rather play against? astros/cardinals?

Kathy, how scary for you and Judd! I'm glad he got into the doctor so quickly because that leaves less time to worry. Please let us know as soon as he finds out. Is it sensitive to the touch? I'm praying for the swollen glands. I WILL be praying.

Sandra, we aren't really sure who we want to play although the Astros might be a little easier to beat.

I didn't get tickets. Bummer. We have plans for Saturday night to watch with our friends who stood up for our wedding. We'll eat first and then watch together. Jim, of course, will be taping it all at home so he can watch it again later. He's been taping everything on our dual deck VCR and the editing out all the commericials. Then he'll have it for posterity!

Gotta go eat lunch. I'm starving!

vickie, i can feel your excitement, girl. ya'll are going to have a blast saturday night. i'm hoping you play the astros but i'm not sure if they'll make it. sure looked like they made a blunder last night, didn't it?

Yeah, how crushing and sad must that have been? I would have died if it had been us. But...you can't let down for a moment. The Cardinals are a good team too and definetly want to go back to the World Series.