This is probably going to sound pathetic, but I'm at such a stage of self-loathing that I need to get it out of my system somehow. Sorry to dump on you guys, but I have no friends in my area so this is kinda...my only option. I'm in a severe depression stage right now, and I don't know how to dig myself out of it. I'm in college (taking nursing classes along with some other basic stuff) and I'm not doing as well as I know I can in some of them...the problem? I just can't seem to care. I haven't been to my sociology class is two weeks because I'd rather stay in bed, my husband is getting frustrated with me because I don't care about my appearance. I've noticed I'm starting to drink again, and I haven't had any alcohol for 3 years (my husband and I gave it up together, we were prone to hurting each other and destroying our house when we were drunk). I just can't seem to figure any of this out. Up until a few weeks ago I was doing great, great with weight loss, I was socializing more in school, I ws focused, I was just...happy. Now I don't give a **** about anything, and that, naturally, is making me even more miserable. I thought I was too stressed out from working 60+ hours a week and being a full time student, so I quit my job. At first (because he's fully supporting me), I would cook my husband dinner, do his laundry, keep the place clean, as my thank you to him. Now everything is a mess, and I tell myself every day to get off my butt and clean it, but I'd rather just drink and sleep and smoke. I'm so incredibly lost right now.

Oh honey, there's no need to apologize for venting to us. It's what we're here for!

And it's not pathetic to be feeling that way. If anyone was in your position they would be depressed, so it's certianly not that you're weak or lazy or anything like that.

I think that you're caught in a horrible cycle. You're depressed, so you drink, smoke, cut classes, and stay in bed. But then because you're drinking, smoking, cutting classes and staying in bed, you become more depressed. I think you definitely need to do some soul-searching to find out what set off the cycle in the first place, and while you're doing that, stop the cycle at the part you can handle-- MAKE yourself get up, and cook dinners, and go to classes, and cut back on the alcohol. When you're treating yourself better, you'll begin to feel better and more in control. Once you force your life into a more stable place, you can spend less time worrying about the side-effects of your depression and more time trying to figure out the cause.

Good luck Brytax, and know that we're all behind you!

Girl, I feel you. My mom has major depression, and I'm the one who tries to get her out of bed and out of the house. Have you been to the doctor? Also, you need to find a hobby: walking, knitting, underwater basket weaving, whatever. you need something to focus on so you have something to look forward to every day!

First off...

Next, please, I know this will be difficult, but please try your best to get all the alcohol out of the house. Now. You said both you and your husband gave up drinking, so while he may get angry over "wasting" it, I hope he'll agree it's for the best.

One caution: Don't do it if you think he'll get physically upset about it. Only you can judge whether it's ok to dump it. But if you think it'll be ok, dump it down the toilet. You need to get distance between you and it as soon as possible.

Then, try to see a counselor over at school. Is there a health center there? If you can't get youself motivated to physically go over there, call. If you can't bring yourself to make the call, ask your husband to call.

I know it's tough, sweetie. Just try to hang in there as best you can. Like Maegdaeien said, we're here for you.

my husband is not physically violent towards me when he's sober...ever, he doesn't even say so much as a hateful word. that's why we stopped in the first place, because (when we are sober) people around us picture us as almost like the perfect couple. it took us a lot of work to figure out the meaning of the word 'talk'. its just when we get drunk that all **** breaks loose. and he tried to throw it out himself, it just upsets him because i go out during the day, buy it, and drink it before he gets home. i dont want to destroy my marriage, or my life, but i turn to it because i would rather be numb then bawling my eyes out.

Please, please go to the doctor and get some counseling too. I know it will be hard to get professional help, but you have to. It is not sign of weakness to seek help.

I suffer from depression too, so I know.

What do you eat? I was reading today that low fat diets can sometimes cause depression. I thought that was weird, but it makes me wonder if something you were eating or not eating in your diet caused this start of depression.

Yes I agree with the rest here you must get the alcohol out of the house. Second, you must figure out WHY you are so filled with self loathing and do something to change that. If it had to do with a horrible childhood or background then forgive yourself and others. Think about the things that make you hate yourself and let them go. Tell yourself "I forgive you" about each and every one. Then do it.

Next, set a timer. Spend fifteen minutes cleaning a very small area of your house. Then look at what you have accomplished and feel proud of what you have done. When you feel like doing more, set a timer and do another 15 minutes. Getting on top of things will make you feel like you can do this, and don't have to be overwhelmed. You must find a way out of this black hole you are falling into, and sometimes just letting a little light in helps.

Next after you have started to feel a little better sit down and pray. Pray really long and really hard and ask for peace, ask for guidance, ask for love and hope. Our Father will help you. Be sincere and you will find your way.

You have a lot going on in your life right now. School, trying to lose weight, not feeling so hot emotionally...

I understand. But- you know this alcohol will solve nothing for you, it is a temporary fix. I think that it is a good idea to see a doc and perhaps they can give you something to calm your nerves and help lift the depression. Alcohol can't do for you what a doctor can.

There is no shame in going to get a little help. You are going through a lot right now, it is completely understandable.

I'm sorry you are having a tough time Brytax.

I have been where you are. Your post reminded me so much of when I was in college oh-so-many years ago. One of my great regrets in life is that I didn't get help back then for my depression issue. (I never graduated and I'm sure it's due to my depression.)

Sometimes it takes more than willpower and "just doing it" to come out of a deep depression. Please, please call your doctor today and schedule an appointment.

{{{Hugs}}} again to you. Please keep us up to date on how you are doing. Please don't think you are dumping on us.

*hug* Being a straight edge kid, I've never had alcohol or smoked, and I don't plan on doing either, especially the latter, so I don't think I can help you much except to suggest that you see a doctor. Good luck! <3

I'm sorry you're in this rut.. again. My words wouldn't be any different from what the others have said.

Hi there,

Don't drink, please don't drink, it would be better to eat then to drink.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist?
it would be better to be on some kind of prescribed medication to deal with things than to drink alcohol.
Do you go to AA or anything...are you part of a group...do you have support?
What about church....i go to bible study..that might not be your thing...
message me if you need to talk..

I'm new to this group, but I can definately understand where you're coming from. And I agree with Quirky 1, it takes more than willpower to come out of it. If you can get to your doctor, he or she can guide you from there. You do not have to do this alone, nor should you try. Depression is like this parasite that sucks the life right out of us, and for me, I know I need someone else to pull it off. Counseling, meds, these are not weaknesses. They are treatments of an illness. Just make that first call to your doc. Let them take it from there. And we are always here for you.

Hi there. I am new to this board and I just want you to know that you made a huge step by coming to this site to ask for support. Now you need to take the next step and call your doc or counselor. Our counseling center even has a crisis line. Many of the counselors will even come to your home if you are feeling that low.
I too was in your situation a few years ago. I was in school and pregnant and had a 7 year old at home. I left school and have not yet returned. just know that while drinking solves the problem at that time, when you finally sober up that your problem will still be there. Instead of taking that drink....go for a walk. I go to our local hospital in the mornings and walk around their basement. It is free and the physical therapy is held down there so many people are doing the same. I am not really socializing but I am being in hall and saying hi to all of those people. Just try something new......doing the ame things over don't help either.
Good Luck and know that you have all of our support.

heres a great big ol (((((*HUG*))))).

I feel you, trust me. I am at the place you are and I feel like I'm at the end of my rope. I am a nurse and I work in a extremely fast paced atmosphere. Latley I don't want to go to work.....

Here is a history... I had severe anxiety with some depression most of my life. In 92`, I had a semi-nervous breakdown, went into counsling and started zoloft. It did wonders for me. In 98` I went off of it because I felt so wonderful, I thought I had a grip on life. What I didn't know was that med was helping me put things into persepective and not sweat the small stuff. In 01` I had a major health scare and with 911, I was feeling anxiety again. I started on another antidepressant which made me more anxious. I went back on zoloft in Jan of 02`. Few months ago I stopped it again because of side effects. I went on the xanax route with ambien for sleep. I feel awful. My anxiety is ok but my depression is at an all time high.
I'm out of control with my eating which is a sure sign i'm on that road to losing it again. I gained 12pounds in the last few weeks, that is soo sick. I walk around grouchy, yelling at my teen daughters and pushing my husband away, which is another story...
I live with a very controlling, bossy, man. He wants all control.. that is another reason I feel I'm losing it. After 22 years of marriage, I'm wondering if I can live with this person the rest of my life. I feel squashed, I feel as if I have no rights.. yes, he is kind and nutruring at his own level.. but I feel he is emotionally abusive....sigh.. but that is for another day...

I think you need to see a therapist, counslor..etc... and start expressing how you feel..Keeping a journal is a great way to let things out..
know we are all here for you.....
[email protected]..
purple~~


I apologize for all the spelling errors.. this was written by a human~