I was about to post something on here but this is exactly what I was about to say... you took the words right out of my mouth, right down to how men in my workplace will treat me.

I want to stay fat

- So I can just eat away my marriage problems and not have to deal with them
- because that's all I've ever known
- so I can eat whatever the heck I want

I want to stay fat because I think somehow it protects me. I've been physically pushed around in my past, and it's more difficult to push a 250 pound person than a 150 pound person. But the fact is I can't protect myself against someone a lot stronger than me anyways, so why hide behidn it?? This is also why I'm looking into self defense classes, I think it would do wonders for me to know I CAN kick butt if I had to!!

I have a very good life. I am well educated, I have a fiance who spoils me rotten, I have a very nice face, I have had a job lined up since before I even finished Uni. If I was thin as well, catty people would dislike me more.

At my current weight they can relish the fact my body is well outside the cultural norm for beauty, and therefore accept me. If I were thin, they would be hard pressed to find something to makes themselves feel better about.


On the other hand I am very much looking forward to being thin as I know it will make my mother hugely insecure. I don't speak to her, she hurt me very badly, and it will be a very sweet revenge.

I think for me, I stayed fat for so long because:

a) I enjoyed food and eating and I didn't want to give it up. And by eating, I mean eating far too much of the wrong things, like a whole cake or a whole packer of biscuits after my daughter had gone to bed. I didn't want to have to stop doing that because I liked it.

b) I was scared that losing weight would mean having to do exercise, and I was very scared of exercise. I was no good at it and thought I never would be. I hated the burning feeling in my throat and the pain in my muscles every time I tried to do something.

c) I knew it would be a long hard slog and would be hard work and I didn't want it enough to be willing to put in the work necessary at that point.

d) I was delusional and still thought I looked OK, just a bit chubby, but not really fat.

Once I figured out d) was wrong, then c) and a) fell into place (although a) was hard!!). B) took a lot longer, I didn't really start exercising properly and getting myself fit until I had lost most of my weight. And yes, it was hard and I did get the burning feeling in my throat and it was bloody hard for a while, but I am SO glad that I persevered.

I feel so proud of myself, and THAT feels better than eating a whole cake any day of the week.

That was actually Dek6 that said this, though it was so popular that other members copied her.

Being fat is hard. Losing weight is hard. Maintaining weight is hard. Choose your hard.

Makes perfect sense

Hello,
This thread is the best thing I have read regarding weight loss. I know what to eat, I know how to work out. I go so far and stop. I lose weight and regain not out of laziness I regain enough until I feel safe and comfortable again. I lose 10 ,regain 5, lose 10 again, regain 5 or 8. After 5 years, I am 50 pounds down but it feels more of an emotional battle than a food battle. And when I try to imagine myself thin, I envision myself thin,but also alone, uncomfortable and afraid. I want to lose weight to be healthy but its an exhaustive amount of work, a long hard lonely battle and I dont know what it will feel like when I get there. It feels like I will have to work hard to be safe and that the emotional work may be too much to bear.

Until this thread, I didn't know anyone else had any feelings remotely close to mine.

Mae

This question is one that should be asked more and without value judgments and useless comparisons. It's very important to ask this question because before you decide to lose weight, you should know that you are giving up something of value to you. What you lose is personal, and not to be scrutinized and have fingers wagged at by others. Everyone has irrational thinking and less than perfect ways of dealing with them. Some of the people who lose weight cling to their fears and act on them, but society says that undereating and overexercising to deal with your fears is okay, but being fat is not. Don't let anyone mock or judge the things which you gained of value from being fat.

For me, it is mainly of value in being out of the game. I prefer not to go out and about too much. I prefer not to be around too many people. When I weighed much more, I essentially was too disabled to go out and do things I didn't want to do anyway. This was not about being lazy. I'm not a lazy person at all. In fact, I'm currently suffering a back injury and have to stay in bed and it is excruciating doing nothing. This is about my biological nature and being very sensitive to noise, lights, crowds, etc. People don't respect this nature or even recognize that it is an issue for some people. Being very overweight helped me opt out. It's been very hard pushing myself back into the game of life. Not everyone is joyful at the prospect of being liberated to go out in public, fit in restaurant chairs, or whatever people think will be great when they are smaller. It has been excruciating adjusting to this, but it is getting easier.

As I have continued to lose weight, I've felt increasingly vulnerable physically. Not only do men look at me more and differently (which I do not like at all - I'm not one of those women who is complimented by being sized up by random strangers as a sexual commodity), but I feel that I could not "take them" in an assault as I once may have.

Finally, I was comfortable with my self-image, negative as it was. It was the image I grew up with as loathsome, ugly, and worthless. Building an entirely different sense of self is hard and confusing. People often believe that they can't wait to love themselves more, but you will find that deeply embedded feelings of your own value do not vanish as you lose weight, particularly if you are the type of person who rejects that a person's value lies in their physical appearance (and most people with weight issues have spent their lives trying not to be so shallow). You are simply left empty and confused, especially in the long transitional period between "very fat" and "thin". When you get to the end, it's not a transformation. It's a transition.

There's a huge psychological price to pay with weight loss. There's also the potential for a huge gain psychologically, but you first have to recognize what you're giving up (again, not in terms of food, work, commitment, etc.) before you can fully embrace what you might gain. Not considering your losses when you decide to lose weight is like buying a new house without thinking about the reality of selling your old one. Bad as it might be and much as you may prefer the new one, the old one is your home and you're going to have a lot tied up in it mentally that doesn't simply evaporate from consideration because the new place is going to be nicer.

I've been "the fat girl" since junior high and cannot really identify with myself as a thin person... it's just not how I see myself, I guess. And to echo what a lot of people have said, I do not like attention and being thin means being noticed more.

Also, if I were thin, I couldn't emotional eat anymore. Even though I always feel horrible afterwards, it's always such a comforting thing while I'm doing it. I just did it today while stressed out... But for long term weight loss, I know I need to learn how to deal with emotions without numbing them with food, and I have no idea how I'll do that. It's a crutch I've always had. I'm not going to lie, I might miss it. In a strange way, it kind of feels like a part of me.

I was thinking about whoever said it's easier to go to McDonald's, etc. I totally thought that it was easier to go to McDonald's before. Now I think it's easier to just go grocery shopping once a week and have food in the house. I don't have to stress about what we're going to eat every day. I don't have to worry about spending money I don't have on buying lunch out every day. The food in my house is healthy and easy, but now it's hard for me to go to McDonald's. I have to think about what I can eat there and my choices are limited, so often nothing sounds good. I don't know. The transition was hard, but now the hards have switched.

I completely agree with you. If I know I'll be eating out, I get a little stressed because I don't always know the choices I'll have. This is why I love restaurants with online nutritional information, that way I can plan ahead.

The one thing I haven't really thought about until I read this thread is the idea brough up by a couple of you:

Staying fat makes you more acceptable to other WOMEN, because even if you're smart, funny, cute, etc., you're not a threat because you're fat.

Interesting.

I'm not sure if this applies to me, but it might. I guess all of that just fits into the whole "fat girl" role...you're the funny friend, everyone's sister...but when it comes to traditional female competition, you're a non-combatant.

In your mind, no matter how much you excel in other areas of your life, no one could ever possibly be jealous of you because you're fat. The friends you have when you're fat are your *real* friends because they're genuinely happy for you when you get that promotion, buy your first house, etc. Whereas if you were thin, they would most certainly be jealous of those things.

In essence, being fat is almost like being physically handicapped. If you succeed at something, the reaction is "Oh, look at her! What an inspiration!" As opposed to "That b****. Why does everything always go right for HER?"

The only thing you are NOT allowed to succeed at if you're fat (especially if you have fat friends) is to LOSE WEIGHT.

Of course all the above is very messed-up thinking...but like someone else said, it doesn't have to be rational!

I want to stay fat because I'm afraid to see what I'll look like when I'm thin. I have for ages thought I am ugly because I am fat (I guess that what teasing does to you) so what if I still see myself as ugly when I'm thin?

I want to stay fat because I am terrified I'll have lots of skin left over

I want to stay fat because I haven't been thin since I was a child, my mom told me she thought I looked emaciated as a child (though I wasn't) and that isn't something I want.