I know I shouldn't whine and moan. I keep reminding myself that I have lost a huge amount of weight in a short period of time. 55 pounds in 4 months is nothing to sneeze at, right? Then why do I feel so depressed? I look at myself in the mirror and I still hate what I see. I am ashamed to have people look at me because I still have so much to lose. You would think that walking at a strong pace for an hour a day might tighten up some of the bumps and lumps in my legs? NO!
Ok, time to analyze. Why am I really so depressed? I keep telling myself I have accomplished so much and I should be proud. But inside, I still feel like that lonely 280 pound women who wishes she had someone to share her life with and hates what she sees when she catches her reflection in the mirror. The old fat pains may be a thing of the past, but I still hurt everytime I see a skinny women kissing her boyfriend or see the guy I have had a crush on for years drive by me in his car and wave. All I can think of is that he would never date someone like me and that he deserves better. He deserves that skinny women who eats candy and chips all day. SIGH.
I know, I am usually upbeat and I try to stay positive about everything I have in my life. But today? Im just sad and lonely and wondering what it would be like to watch the sunrise with Rob sitting next to me and just holding my hand.
I wonder if anyone else ever feels like this?