I seriously need a kick in the behind.
Even after last week's wake up call, I can't believe that I just can't motivate myself enough to care.
I began having chest pains and cramping off and on. It continued on so my husband said we were heading for the ER. I get there and they ran an EKG immediately, swallowed asprins, and got 8 vials of blood drawn. Then a chest x ray.
The doctor said "You are young but you are still over weight. According to the test results your EKG is normal, all of your blood work is normal. Your urine looks like you are dehydrated. ( No surprise being I still cant kick soda)."
So the doctor chalks it up to being chest wall pain or anxiety. Well of course I was brimming with anxiety. Maybe it was bad heart burn after that garlic chicken pizza I ate. Who knows.
Before I left I asked the nurse to let me weigh myself. So I did. I weighed in at 295 lbs. I never thought I'd get to nearly 300.
Im sitting here in tears. Maybe this comes across as me feeling sorry for myself.
Im so frustrated. I promised myself I wouldnt bring anymore soda back into the house and I did. I drank a 2 liter every day since my last post. I drank very little water. I also binged on sweets. And I do the same thing to myself I always do. I say "Come Monday, NO MORE soda, NO MORE junk food." Then somehow, Monday goes by and Im asking dh to pick me up a 2 liter.
:: banging head on desk :::
Im so tired, of sleeping 8 hours and waking up tired and aching in my joints and hurting in my knees. Im so tired of feeling tired. Dh wanted me to go out to the park today with our baby girl. I couldnt muster up the energy. So he left while ago, and Im home alone to think all of this over.
I want my life back... :" (
I want to feel phsycally good and healthy. I dont care how Im going to look
I just want to be able to get down on the floor with my 10 month old and play with her. I cant get down on the stupid floor, because I cant get up. It hurts too much. This is all wrong. And living this way isnt fair to my children.
And TMI alert..... dont read further if you dont want to because its TMI and embarassing
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I dont even want my husband to touch me anymore Im so embarassed by the weight gain. I can see where this is going to cause intimacy problems for us.
Im vowing to start again Monday. I wrote in my journal that I would. I wrote out all the reason why I want to... why I need to.
I will be back here... Im surfing through alot of posts trying to get some motivation. This really is a great board.
Thanks for listening..... any words of wisdom and motivation would be so kindly appreciated and welcomed....