Sarah, she is NOT a permanent fixture in the house, but is here for a while yet. She makes comments - DH is ready to say something - but we hold our tongues for the sake of our DS.
She invited her parents to visit for Christmas and, after having her mother in the house for a week, I understand where the behaviours come from.
Her mother actually brought her own cooking utensils to make special breakfasts. I was stunned to say the least.
Anyway, her family is Icelandic/Italian, ours is British/Irish/Scottish, so culturally, we are different and enjoy different foods. She is quite immature when it comes to accepting people as they are and does not acknowledge differences - in traditions, food, behaviours, likes, dislikes, etc. DH and I have travelled and lived in many different cultures, (including Asian, European, Middle Eastern and many other third world cultures), so we recognize differences in cultures more readily than she. We are also accustomed to keeping our mouths shut when it comes to those kinds of differences because it is offensive to the other culture to tell them that they are wrong -when they really aren't, there just different.
Of course, she does make the rude comments, mostly about food because she is so picky, and we have just been brushing it off. When her parents were here, they seemed to accept that she has always been very picky, and have made a joke of it, rather than have her eat the foods that are put before her. I have also raised all my own children, I am not about to start to raise her when her parents have tolerated the behaviour. Soooo, we don't say anything to keep the peace. Our DS is also working out of town right now, so, if we do say anything, she does not have any ally and will feel rejected from the family. I won't drive our son away from us because of that...it doesn't seem important enough.
However, our solution has been to buy the foods that we like (she doesn't like tomatoes - either raw or in anything, onions, any vegetable except corn, beans, reduced fat cheese, basically anything SBD; nor does she like it cooked the way that we like it). We also cook it the way we like and put it on the table. She spends hours picking things apart and leaves a pile on her plate (and we have dogs that love the treats). If she doesn't like what we buy - e.g. reduced fat cheese - she buys her own and marks it personal in the fridge. I just pretend that I don't notice that she doesn't like our stuff.
That has worked fine up to now without a confrontation...the funny part is that she talks about how healthy she eats, but the proof is in the pudding. She is still overweight and I have lost 27 pounds since I started SBD.