hi all. i finally registed after lurking for a few days. i used to post on another forum, but they don't want to hear about going off program in any way and i was feeling alone every time i failed....which was a lot lately.
i'm not sure if i have an eating disorder. lately my relationship with food has been troubling to me. during a time of great stress recently i found myself eating more and more and slowly putting on weight. 3lbs, 5 lbs, 8, 10 and now 12lbs up. i am up a size and recently bought some new clothes so that i could still feel good about myself when i got dressed.
the more i think about the weight gain, the more out of control and scared i feel and the more i eat. no one needs to know the details, but suffice it to say that 12 lbs in about 3 months is not great.
when i think of following a specific program - weight watchers, south breach, atkins...it makes me feels hemmed in an depressed. i want to deal with my issues with food - not go on a diet. what i want is to eat three healthy meals (nothing being off limits) and to stop eating when i am full. so simple and yet not easy. i have been trying an affirmation i read here "i am beautiful and deserve a healthy relationship with food" every morning. i did great for a few days and then had a bad night and beat myself up and abandoned my efforts. i don't want to punish myself any more.
i'm really frightened because the approach i want to try means being really nice to myself and allowing....which might mean i could gain more weight before i lose it.
does any of this make sense?