hi all. i finally registed after lurking for a few days. i used to post on another forum, but they don't want to hear about going off program in any way and i was feeling alone every time i failed....which was a lot lately.

i'm not sure if i have an eating disorder. lately my relationship with food has been troubling to me. during a time of great stress recently i found myself eating more and more and slowly putting on weight. 3lbs, 5 lbs, 8, 10 and now 12lbs up. i am up a size and recently bought some new clothes so that i could still feel good about myself when i got dressed.

the more i think about the weight gain, the more out of control and scared i feel and the more i eat. no one needs to know the details, but suffice it to say that 12 lbs in about 3 months is not great.

when i think of following a specific program - weight watchers, south breach, atkins...it makes me feels hemmed in an depressed. i want to deal with my issues with food - not go on a diet. what i want is to eat three healthy meals (nothing being off limits) and to stop eating when i am full. so simple and yet not easy. i have been trying an affirmation i read here "i am beautiful and deserve a healthy relationship with food" every morning. i did great for a few days and then had a bad night and beat myself up and abandoned my efforts. i don't want to punish myself any more.

i'm really frightened because the approach i want to try means being really nice to myself and allowing....which might mean i could gain more weight before i lose it.

does any of this make sense?

I am new here too. I am in the process of reading different diet books. So far I think that a combo of all the advice is the answer. I want to go on the South Beach Diet because that seems to be the easiest to stay on for life. I also read Dr Phil and he makes sense that we need to figure out why we go to food. Of course Tom Green starts with just getting movement into our routine. So for today, I am going to do exercise and watch what I eat. I will pray for both of us!! Hopefully we can keep in touch and support each other. I am new to this site so I hope I can manage to find this site again. Take care!
Stacy

I know how you feel, Lily. I just want to not think about food - eat it 'cause I'm hungry, nothing else. I don't think following a particular plan is going to help me. I just want to make healthier choices because I deserve them, but I've been having a hard time of it lately. I'm reading Geneen Roth - but it's taking a while to sink in. 31 years of damage takes a while to undo, I guess.

PM me if you want to talk! And join us in the daily thread. These gals are very supportive and friendly. Stacy, I hope you'll hang out with us, too!

Picnic! where?

Welcome Misslilly, we're happy you came out of lurkdome and joined us.

Hugs !

Miss Lily-

Welcome! No one can decide if you have an eating disorder besides yourself and a qualified medical professional. I think alot of us out there have unhealthy relationships with food, I find that with my ED(s) that food becomes an obsession of my mind breaking down my spirit, my physical body, and my emotional well-being. I know the trapped and suffocating feeling your speaking f and the frustration of not feeling "normal". Why can't I eat like everyone else does? (Mostly thats our perceptions, alot of people work VERY hard to maintain what we see physically)So welcome! Please join us in our daily thread for support and recovery.

Chris

ditto what Chris said.

Welcome, Misslily!
Heck, we go off program FREQUENTLY here! It's no sin... just discouraging. Join the club... there's lots of great give and take support here.

Wow, misslily! I just read your post. I, too lurked for awhile and found this board to be a good fit for me. I also identified very strongly with what you had to say - such as gaining 12 pounds in 3 months. I am in similar straights.

I lost about 120 pounds over a year and kept at that weight for six months. But last September I began a new job with the boss from ****. I began slowly putting the weight back on--I am now up almost 40 pounds and counting--since September. I am very bummed by all of this. I did quit that job in March after my old job asked me to return (I guess someone up there was listening to my prayers!). So at least my weight is stabilizing alittle. But I am real scared to put all of that weight back on--I really want to lose what I've put back on.

I start a diet and stop after a week. I keep trying to capture the feelings I had when I first began losing the weight two years ago in July. I want to make this happen but sometimes I do feel so helpless about eating--it just seems like my body screams for food. I admit to sneaking lots of goodies into my office. For the most part, they are healthy ones, but really, calories are calories when there are too many of them.

Misslily - I am going to stick to my plans to get rid of this extra weight--even though at the moment, I haven't formulated a good plan. I'm curious to read what others have gone through to overcome this 'feeling' as I know we are not alone.

Regards and peace,
Stababe

Welcome Stababe!

I lost 100 lbs about 7 years ago, when I started eating again it took me to 265 lbs. It was an unhappy place to be, but I never did find that old motivation. Instead I found that not being alone and struggling are part of my life. My issues with food run as deep as the ocean. One day at a time and the beautiful women here help alot.

Chris

Rochemist:

I looked up your public profile to address you by your name--and I find you and I share the same birthday!! What a riot. Of course, I am WAY older than you - by 15 years--but I have to admit I still feel like I am 29!

Thanks for the support! I just posted my profile on the 100 lb club--it's funny, I had never admitted to being at that weight - ever. I hid it from everyone. In fact, when I brought my SO to meet and greet my family (out of state - and they hadn't seen me in a year--so my weight change was dramatic for them) I called my aunt ahead of time to tell her NOT to wow over me and to warn the rest of the family to keep a low profile about my weight. I was afraid if my SO heard them, he'd think less of me. Funny thing - his last GF had also lost 100 pounds--he told me all about her and how self-conscious she was about her hangy belly, etc. He did not put her down or like her any less because of that--her personality is what made him think twice. And here I am - not self-conscious about THE BELLY (which I have, too - with boobs to match) but I'm worried he'll know I was that heavy!! Life is funny.

Misslily - I hope you are doing better today. You are not alone here. We are all on the same journey--just taking different but possibly parallel paths.

Peace,
Stababe