Jersy...so sorry you are going through all of this. I, too, went through divorce, my choice because of the unfaithful person I was married to. We went to counseling however he did not change is ways. I prayed every day for God to give me peace and one day a couple of years later, he did. I got up one morning and I no longer had the hurt in my heart. I hope you get that peace also. Hugs.

Thanks, Annie

Yeah, I need to get him out of my heart and head. It's been hard. I feel sometimes like life will never get back to normal. Whatever normal is

Jersey, I just wanted to send <hugs> your way. I've never gone through a divorce, so I cannot to pretend to know the depth of your pain, but I was recently hurt by a man that I loved and can relate to the anger and sadness that go along with a partner's choices and selfishness. Hang in there and try to embrace this as a time to take care of yourself, get heathy, and find out who you are without him. As someone else said, living well is the best revenge. Although my motivation for weight loss and health is all for me this time, I can't say that sentiment hasn't fueled many of my workouts over the past few months. Dig deep. You are strong and you will come out on the other side a happier, more fit, more fulfilled person.

I totally feel you and I can speak to this. I have been through a divorce and it was messy, ugly, soul shattering and I still struggle with the disappointment of it all, including disappointing myself at times. It has been about 10 years now. In our case, I did choose to break it off after his unfaithfulness, but that was just the last straw, and I now realize I had been unhappy for awhile, and I have given up myself to cater to him. His needs, his problems, and I had lost myself and become depressed and disengaged in our relationship.

I commend you on cutting off contact! I found that every phone call, message, letter just seemed to re-open the wound for a long time. We didn't have kids so that made it easier too. I was lucky that he moved out of state too, so no chances of running into him.

I found the most helpful things for me were to acknowledge what I had given up personally in the relationship as a way of healing. I could have pointed my finger and just said he was unfaithful but I found it more beneficial to acknowledge the whole situation including my parts (ie, I let him be verbally abusive, I put up with his crap, I let him run us into debt etc.) I found the Gottman book "The Relationship Cure" to be really helpful to better know myself. Like you said, we have to work on ourselves first, before moving forward. I needed to make sure I wouldn't just repeat old patterns in a new relationship.

Fortunately, I did meet someone great, and supportive and mature and who cares for me emotionally. So there is always hope! Give yourself permission to work on yourself so that you can find someone deserving of you!

I sincerely wish you the best in this situation, and give yourself time to grieve, but also care for yourself. Sometimes when we spent so long caring for another that can feel overwhelming! But it looks like you have found some great support here too